An Evening With D'banj

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!
Engee and Oby you guys have won tickets to an evening with D'banj.send me an email with your number.Make it quick so you guys can have a fun filled night its an event you cant miss. P.S i got hay fever in South Africa.

LOOKING FOR ME

I'm drinking Umqombothi in South Africa!!!

Missed Nelson Mandela's 89th birthday by just a hair. Came down on Friday to attend the CNN Multichoice Africa Journalist Awards in Capetown on the 21st. I 'll be back in Africa... I mean Lagos with tidbits from my trip on Wednesday and I swear I have pictures. It's my first trip to South Africa and out of Nigeria in 7 months. Thank You Jesus!! Hallelujah!! I was beginning to go crazy in Nigeria. Plus it is winter here and that is helping to condition my voice back to normal. So now when I come back I can be all happy go lucky and relaxed for like one week before I begin to look crazy again.

Anyways I am off to see if I can find some 'lousy t-shirts' for my family members. You know the ones that say 'My -- went to SA-- and all she could by was this lousy tshirt'. May be I'll run into cooler stuff and a cute bloke on the SA Swim or Rugby team. Ya'll sistuhs know they are HOT!!

THIS DAY CONCERT GIST GALORE EXTRAORDINAIRE

When Addy and John Legend Locked Eyes via Giant Plasma

It is Tuesday afternoon and I am still suffering from the concert hangover. I have been drinking Power Horse, lots of water and tea with lemon. I am basically trying to ‘regrow’ my voice. I cannot quantify the level of exuberant juvenile indulgence that I exerted this weekend (hmh...ogbonge beke. I hope I didn’t lose you guys there) you guys have heard the breaking news, some of the gist and seen some pictures but it cannot be complete without a perspective from my bubble. Let me start from the very very beginning including how I ended up at the concert.

SATURDAY
So I decided to go to the bank first thing in the morning to get money ‘just incase’ I caved in to the FOMO factor and decided to buy a ticket. I sent several texts to find people who would convince me. But I was a cautious buyer. I went to the mall however and got my sister and her friends the 10k tickets for the Sunday concert. My brother surprisingly is a UB40 fan but he couldn’t justify 10k since he only cared to see one artiste (I’m rubbing off on him quite well). I got to the This Day Media Center and at that point I was like, you know what, it’s ok if you miss it. I mean look at it this way, at least seeing John Legend will always be something look forward to. After all doesn’t the saying go that the worst thing after getting what you want is actually getting what you want. Right? So I got the tix and I left without one for my self. Boy was that walk to the car very long. My face was all hung and when I got into my car, I heaved a sigh, look on to the front passenger seat where I left my JL cd. I picked it up, ran my poorly manicured nail over JL’s picture and put it back down. “Another time Johnny, another time.”
I drove to the hair salon to get my hair done. The plan was that in my free-spirit-hippie-chick style, I would just wear my afro out. I am sure JL would have love to see the real me without my ‘darling yaki’. But seeing as I was not going, I felt that I’d just go ahead with it and jump around my room singing along to his CD. While I was there, I ran into a woman who helped run a charity for abandoned boys. I had the most interesting conversation with her. She told me about some home called ‘Hearts of Gold’ where they took in deformed babies abandoned by their mothers at birth. Some with three eyes, multiple limbs and all sorts of abnormal deformities that Africans attribute to ‘evil’. I have never heard of this place till now so I don’t know how true this is. She also told me about the boys in the home and one case she recently dealt with involving a young orphaned lady who came to their church in search of someone to take her baby as she said she would either throw the baby away or kill it because she would not be able to feed it. Apparently she could not marry the baby-daddy because her uncle would not allow them. The man then abandoned her in the first trimester after a scan revealed it was a baby girl. Anyways after she told me this, I was like, perhaps that what I needed to hear today. But as they say, where there is a will there is a way, and what God has put together, let no man put asunder. Just as I finished chatting with the lady my friend Ayisola calls to tell me that another friend’s sister was selling her VIP ticket for 15k. Now in my head I was thinking that I wasn’t expecting the JL concert to be packed so I would probably end up in the 50k section if I boned my face at security. So I was like SWEEEETTT!! I ran home to get changed. Meanwhile I had heard a rumor earlier that the Saturday concert had been postponed. My friend later confirmed it just as I left the house around 6.30pm to head to the event center. I was like ‘WHOA!!!! That’s even better. More than I really bargained for.” But considering the fact that I was all dressed up and had already heavily powdered my face, I had to find somewhere to go. Shoot!! MAC is like $40 here so I was not going to waste it. I ended up at the usual hang outs; Café Vergano, News Café, Saipan. I was actually going to go home after News Café but somebody mentioned that JL was at Saipan. But the EFFIZY was too much so he was locked away somewhere.

SUNDAY
I ended up back at the hair salon to get my ‘one-nation’ TV hair back. We were told the concert would start at 11am. But I have already mastered Nigerian events. They start 3 hours after the scheduled time. I was right. Shakira came on about 2.30ish but I, my sister and her friends were still at the hair salon. Some how we made it to Lekki at 2.45 all the way from Akoka. I could be exaggerating but my sister was driving very fast. We ran into the house and dressed up faster than fast faster than fast faster than fast (LoL… that’s a jingle on Cool FM). We eventually made it to the location only to sit and wait for a good hour and half before my hubby came on stage.

JOHN LEGEND LIVE AND DIRECT!!!!
As I am typing this and recalling my reaction I have a wide smile on my face. OMG!!! That boy was well created. Too cute!!! KAI!! Only John Legend can make a sweaty white t-shirt look so damn hot. As in if there were people around me when he came on stage, I didn’t want notice. Lol. A guy friend who was with me politely left so that I could engage myself in my fanaticism. I stood through out his performance, dancing, screaming and singing along the entire time. At one point I was like ‘na me be this…is this me?’ As in I was seriously grooving and slow dancing. I am sure people who watch STV news where like, is this the same ‘adaure’ that’s always like ‘good morning and welcome to stv am news.’ Believe it is the same, the one and only but high on some John Legend love man. I am like so speechless that I just cannot find the words to describe everything. I sha know that I underperformed as a John Legend fan because when he asked for a fan to come on stage, I should have ‘flewed’ over there. The past-past tense tells you clearly what I mean. I was seriously hating when that chick in the hat was there before we could say ‘john bull’. I am sure if I had boned and paid that 50k John would have seen me and ‘asked me’ to come on stage. Anyways it’s ok. As the women in Nigeria tend to say, he can run around, but ‘he’ll come back to me, he’ll come back to meeeee’. Anyways I shall stop here because I am grinning a bit too much that people are beginning to ask me why I have a smile on my face.

EVERYBODY ELSE
Now Rihanna almost put me to sleep but her brightness was blinding. I am not a fan but she was not lacking of those because all the small children and the men in the crowd were really feeling her. Now since everyone says I look like her, I was ready to stand in for her as ‘Rihanatu’. Can you guys believe there’s a song in Nigeria called ‘Ebute Metta’ that’s a parody of ‘Umbrella’. Nigerians are a trip. Even Big Lo has a ‘This is Why I am Hot’ parody called ‘This is Naija’. D’banj came on stage afterwards after another long wait to set up. Why they did not go ahead and build a second stage on the right is beyond me because the hall is begging for one, especially with an event like this. D’banj is BLOODY man. As in I have seen his performance like 4 times and the end is usually the same Tiv and Efik dancers but the dude always BURRRINGS it. No matter how many times you see him; there is always a freshness about his performances that always makes the stage and hall come alive. Everything including the chairs begins to dance. It’s amazing. Anyways after him Kelly Rowland and her dancers came on with an interestingly shiny outfit that I studied very well so that I could get my tailor to make. Lol. Kelly’s little bit was nice, and just as Ayoola said we were all skeptical about her being able to ‘perform’ especially after Beyonce already marveled Nigerians. Well she tried though and we were all grooving until she was missing from the ‘diva-strut’ line up. As in she straight up DUROPPED like a rag doll. We were all dazed for a moment and then we thought it was part of the act, may be a new song or something. But when they tapped her a couple of times and the babe no send, the dancers became all hysterical and dramatic. Security and all sorts came on stage. I am not sure if there was a doctor amongst them because it got really crowded. You would think they would want to give her some air or pour water on her or something. But no that didn’t happen. Instead they were there for a good 20 minutes. Unacceptable. The response and damage control should have been faster than that. Next time they need to have a stretcher and paramedics stage right or something. Anyways what ever was wrong with her, I am sure I didn’t pass the fact that perhaps she didn’t EAT. Yes doing all that power and might dancing in the Nigerian heat with just a Salad or something silly like that for lunch will make you faint. If Kelly Rowland had gotten the Naija treatment with a solid bowl of eba or fufu topped with Ogbono or Egusi soup, I think we’ld have been begging her to get off stage. Anyways Sasha came up next. I was upset for her because she is actually good on stage but how do you hype the crowd right after a guest in your country nearly dies because of the heat (come to think of it where were all the fans and ac’s. All that money and no investment in climate control?). I loved Sasha’s red coat. Very Jackie O. Now was it just me who thought that the guy in the dashiki and the fila with the big stomach who waddled across stage was part of Sasha’s performance. You know she was drumming and all (by the way that was tight) and I thought the guy was like a drum handler. Then she had the military thing and I was like perhaps she is trying to spoof politicians. But it turned out the guy was coming to announce that Kelly was ok. Now how rude was that. He was actually hurrying Sasha of the stage and signaling to her to round off her segment so he could waddle on and give his announcement. Whoever that dude was, and I imagine he’s one of the major organizers, WACK AND DISRESPECTFUL!! Waiting one minute to make the announcement would not have stopped the show, after all folks had been waiting in there for hours.
Before I continue, can I talk about the fact that people were straight up grocery shopping and bringing in the bags to the venue? Lol. The food/small chops was gone by like six pm and peeps were hungry. I had to send my driver out to Chicken Republic to buy ‘Fries and Chicken’ why did he come back an hour after telling me they didn’t have ‘fried rice’ so he bought ‘jollof rice’. I guess that was my mistake, I should have said ‘chips’. I also ran into Jewish dude number 2. Anyways I have lost track of the order but I think the mood was just dampened and I wanted to leave. They were setting up some turntables but when I saw a rather skinny DJ I was like it must be Mode 9. I can see those guys perform another time but I really needed some sleep so I can be at work in the morning at 5.30am. How about as I walked out of the entrance into the parking area, I just heard people screaming and the MC going, ‘straight from NYC ...P.DIDDY’. Whoa!! I ran back to my seat sharp sharp. Man I tell you Nigerians can rock and Addy can rock even harder. In fact my new name is ‘Rockette’. The whole place went wild and crazy. Diddy started by warming the crowd up with some Bob Marley hits. Then he went into his hard core rap. Then his hits. He then got some folks on stage. That little boy and his sister were absolutely adorable. The boy was like ‘my name is … and I’m from NIGERIA’ in the loudest and crunkest manner. Diddy was like ‘Ok men, I hear ya’. Then he asked the crown to bend down and play a game with him. He even called us out and was like ‘I know y’all like to feel act all cool around here’. LOL. I guess somebody gisted him. So everybody went low and then all of a sudden the speakers start blaring, ‘DON’T THIS SHIT MAKE MY NIGGAS WANNA JUMP JUMP!!!!” AWWWW NO HE DIDN’T!!! Every thing started jumping, both young and old. It was too crunk. Let me not even go into talking about his tribute to 2PAC with ‘CALIFORNIA’ and the one to BIGGIE with ‘Missing You’. He started with getting us all sad talking about losing a loved one and dedicating the song to them. So naturally when the hit song came on everyone was singing along. It was too dope. Puff never disappoints even with just himself, the dj and the mic. He’s just too bad. Anyways I left after him because it was like 1am already and I had lost my voice. I had tried at 9pm to get a coworker to fill in for me but no luck. I only had two hours of sleep and it was obvious because I sounded like a frog on the morning news. I heard Neyo rocked but I have seen him perform before and so I didn’t need to stay. Oddly enough there was a guy called Kolade or Gbolade who was sitting infront of us. He looks so much like Neyo. I had to take a picture with him a la celebrity look alike Nneyochukwu and Rihanatu. Lol


This Day TRY sha, I have to give them a few HANDS. Despite the ‘issues’ t was well worth my 15k o. I don’t know if it would have been worth the 50k if I had paid for both shows. Infact I would have been mad and forced my way to the EXTRA-VIP section and requested a bottle of champagne. Na wetin. At this point yeah, I just think This Day should just give up, I mean they have brought all the bringables and I don’t know if they can top it. Well unless if the next act is Michael Jackson. I have heard rumors about that one and I swear that’s how the rumor of John Legend coming to Nigeria started. So please This Day if you are planning to bring Wacko Jacko, please upgrade security and air conditioning and alert the Nigerian Military to take over security at the event and police the state because I imagine the rate of robberies will go up because no amount of 25-50k ticket will stop die hard MJ fans from seeing him live and direct. So does anybody know whose next so that I can start saving N100 per day so that I won’t bitch about the ticket cost.
Well I didn’t take any pictures because my camera which I just bought last June fell and BROKE. Yes indeed, so Addy has to put that back on the wish list (Oh by the way did I tell you I got my MAC G4, thanks to some corporate goodwill). So now I have to find another camera. But you can trust our Bella never to disappoint. She has the pictures from the concert HERE.
You can also see more pictures, all 105 of them on WireImage.
I am about to make JL’s pics my screen saver. Anyways TIX for an evening with D’banj are still up. I will randomly select and announce winners onWednesday the 25th of JULY. So indicate interest in the comment section HERE.

Other Blog Gist from This Day Concert
Taureanminx
Ayoola In Lagos
Mona

I also did the BLOG SEARCH for all of you so have a field time reading through all the gist

Oh and this caption on a picture from Mediatakeout.com is too funny. Since when did Fash become 'Mayor'? I thought he was a 'Governor'. Big difference people.

Confessions of an "American" girl raised by Nigerian parents

I’m usually the silent one when all of my Nigerian friends start reminiscing on their grade school days. You see, I was born and raised in the United States to Nigerian parents and quite honestly, my school stories aren’t that interesting. Well, I take that back. To me and my other “American” friends, they are hilarious and everybody can relate, but to my Nigerian friends, my tales of grade school are probably boring, to say the least. Stories of my bully who would always trip me with her cello on the bus can never hold up to my friends’ grass cutting days with plain scissors. (I mean that’s how I understood it. How can they make you cut grass with plain scissors, where was the lawn mower?) As you can see, I just don’t get it! Anyway, I do feel that I have something that you (those raised in Nigeria) can understand. Though I was raised in the United States, my parents were still VERY Nigerian. Here’s my story…

My mom used to have a store back in the day. During my summer breaks, I’d spend most days at the “shop” with her. At first, it was kind of cool getting to run a cash register, but after a while (like the first hour of the first day), I was very bored. Why couldn’t I just go to the beach like Megan and Ashley or summer camp like Kelly or Brittany? Instead of long walks on the sand or cabins at Lake Pocahona, I’d be at the shop being forced to watch the Young and the Restless. For a 10 year old girl, that was so not fun! Along with watching every CBS soap, I was the shop “housegirl.” Every floor that needed to be swept or window that needed washing was my job. The shop was located in a strip mall that had a grocery store, drug store, hair supply store, some random store (clothing, rental center, etc.) that popped up for 3 months and left, and a hair salon. As you can imagine, I was the person who had to pick something up from the grocery store, go get change from the hair supply store, or make my mom’s hair appointment at the salon. By mid summer, your girl was very tired and irritated! Then one day, I think I went mad. My mom asked me to go get something from the grocery store and I flipped! I mean, I was like “why do I always have get something for YOU!” and “why can’t YOU just do it YOURSELF, I’m tired of being treated like a slave!” All of this was said with my whitest of white, white girl accent (with some black girl eye rolls and head motions- please just try to imagine). I actually went off on my very Igbo mother! Can you just imagine? Anyway, after minutes of “going off” I reluctantly went to Food Lion. As I was going, I was just rolling my eyes and murmuring all kinds of crazy stuff under my breath to her. The walk to the Food Lion, though about 4 stores away, seemed like an eternity. It was at this point that I realized just what I had done. I contemplated many things. I thought about running away (besides I saw kids doing it all the time on the soaps), I thought about calling 911 to report what was going to happen to me (knew this wouldn’t work), I thought about pretending that I was deathly ill (usually works for an only child), but I knew that all of that just wouldn’t do it. After picking up the item at the store, I headed back and decided that instead of becoming a street child in one big city and maybe being hauled off by social services to go and stay in a trailer with a foster mother, that I’d just pretend (as best as I could) that the incident never even happened. I would go back to the shop, clean the bathroom, wash the windows, and even give my mommy a back massage, all in an attempt at giving her some form of amnesia. Well much to my surprise, my methodology worked. I got back, but instead of me having to go out of my way to be very nice, it was the other way around. My mom was sooooooo extremely nice to ME. She laughed with me, asked me what I wanted to eat that night, and we exchanged all sorts of other pleasantries. It was greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat! Alas, I was in charge! “I bet she’ll never ask me to run an errand again,” I thought. She was so nice that I had totally forgotten about what had happened. We went on like this for about 3 hours. At the 3^rd hour mark, my mom went into the back room. She called for me and of course I happily answered. As I stepped in that room, I knew something was just not right. Immediately both of my feet entered into the back, the lights turned off and the door slammed. If I hadn’t been raised Catholic, I would have been speaking in tongues at this point, rejecting and rebuking any work of the devil in my life. The next thing I felt was plastic hangers all over my body. They were just breaking anyhow. I felt like I was going to die. After about a solid 15 minutes of beatings, my mom left the room. As she was going (while I was in fetal position on the floor) she warned me that if I ever spoke to her in that way again, I would be killed. The last thing I heard was “I brought you into this world and I can take you out if I like, stupid girl!”

Though I didn’t grow up in Nigeria, I think this beating story can stand up to most any Nigerian child’s story. If you can top this one, please let me know! My name is Patience, guest blogger #3! Peace and love!!!

RUNAWAY BRIDE... FAN, I MEAN

Addy Might Jilt.... I mean Boycott John Legend

(disclaimer: ok this picture makes this whole entry seem freaky than funny. lol. What's next a voodoo doll and a shrine with JL's pix. Abeg o, it is not that serious. I just needed visual illustration)

It's sad but true. I know you guys have been looking forward to my union with John Legend at the This Day Music Festival. Yes I have been looking forward to it. But I got cold feet and now I am the 'Runaway Fan.'

No it has nothing to do with Kulutempa's revelation that JL has no 'real intentions' to come out of singledom. There are a whole lot of things that just make me say 'it dazn't werk fer me' as Nana on Idols West Africa would say. Here's the latest on the EVENT

Why am I having cold feet at the last minute or as my friend puts it, 'my spirit just doesn't want me to go.' Lol @ K'I'A :). Well let me breaki it down.

TIGHT HAND: If you were down here, you would think that some religious icons whose names start with 'J' and 'M' were coming. (Ah please don't complete it o, otherwise you can cause some people to riot and mess the whole concert up and give CNN a big story...please o). My be I am not well connected but there are no free tickets or complimentary tickets floating around. Unbelievable!!! This Day really 'FOOL PROOFED' not just full proofed the ticketing process. Lol. I actually had to go to the bank this morning to withdraw money just incase. I am holding out till 2pm to see whether anbything will surface. After that I guess it is 'O.Y.O' meeeenn. As in Addy you're On Your Own!!! Now you must wonder why the hell I just can't stop being a cheap freeloader, bone up and go and buy the 25k ticket. Or just buy the regular 10k traffic. It's not Like I caaaaaannn't buy it....right? Ok let's deal with that issue.

COST AND PRINCIPLES: This is usually an issue with these exorbitantly priced events in developing countries like Nigeria. Despite how much I have psyched myself that I will see John Legend in concert come rain or shine, my conscience cannot justify spending $200 (really $192 but when you add gas, traffic wait time and settling 'the boys' it adds up) on a concert when there are people in Darfur and Chad begging for 50cents to eat. Just last week my new show HOTLENS ran on STV (catch it at 9.30am mondays, this monday's is on illegal animal trade, don't miss it) and the subject was Nigerians Living on The Breadline. Less than a dollar a day, which is like less than N150. Yes indeed you can't help everybody but c'mon. Knowing this I don't think I would allow myself enjoy the concert. I would be putting up a big act and will it be worth it? I mean I know, it's John Legend and to top it up, UB40 with their 'RED, RED WINE' song. Ahhhh.....noooo.... I can't believe I am actually thinking too hard about this one. Again 2pm is my deadline, we'll see then if the demon on my left should is more convincing and lays out a compelling arguement than the angel on my right shoulder. Talk about, 'You can call me Al' as in Ally McBeal...ha ha ha rotf-lmao. Oh boy!! I am too funny I crack my self up sometimes.

SECURITY AND TRAFFIC: This is the real deterrent. Lately there's been a rise in armed robbery in Lagos especially along the Lekki Expressway. I have been very lucky considering the fact that I ply that road at ungodly hours due to neccessity (yeah right, half the time I'm driving back from a joint). It's been bad especially during traffic. That aside, even the traffic situation alone is scarry. If I used to ride Okada, I would not have an excuse but onme might end up sitting in traffic for up to two hours or walk a distance to get to the event center. I mean this may not happen, but from the reality on the groud based on what that road is usually like and the fact that it is one way in one way out, there's every likelihood that there will be some horror stories afterwards. I am not sure I am up to it.

So I don't know guys, I don't know. This is perplexing. I'm just 'Ordinary' people!! And I don't know which way... to go' or not to go. Is my meeting and seeing John Legend in concert before he fades away into irrelevance meant to be. Then there's the peer pressure. Some of my friends have gotten their ticket and are warning me to 'Stop all this fooling around' and get my ticket 'or I'll be the talk of the town' when City People comes up with the headliner 'Silverbrid News girl can't buy ticket, goes around begging.' LOL. Others are like they are not going, but I'm like they will soon be over come by the FOMO factor (fear of missing out) and make their way to the concert. I mean this is not trying to find a solution to World Peace ya'll but this is challenging. I mean I'm no longer 'Walking on Cloud 9' with my baby daddy John Legend instead I'm crashing from it. I guess this means no Jessica Adaeze Legend or Jason Chukwuemeka Legends coming anytime soon. Oh well, I guess I can settle with an EVENING WITH D'BANJ on July 28th.

Yes, the 'Kokomaster' is a far cry from John Legend. I mean Imagine D'banj trying to chat you up and ask you on a date. A whole fine babe like you. He spots you, walks up with his sunglasses (it is 10pm and you are indoors with only disco lights). With a sinister looking Don Jazzy walking behind. He 'yahoozees' towards you and says 'I'm Osky(mumbo jumbo) D'banj but my Jamaican friends call me D'banj'. Then he goes on, 'I don't know how to say this....... KOKOLETTE...1..2.. in my room me and you!!!" WHAT!!!! I don't need to tell you how that will come out of John Legend, who'll probably sign off with 'Woman...I want your babies.' Anyways I won't mind being a 'Kokolette' since I get free tickets.

By the way to mark NAIJA BLOG MONTH and celebrate alonmg with all my fellow JULY blog babies. Ya'll know yourselves. I'm giving away TWO TICKETS to AN EVENING WITH D'BANJ set for JULY 28TH. :). I'll randomly select a winner from commenters who indicate intrest. It's an opportunity to save your N5000... lol... a whole N5000. I'm sorry it's no This Day concert but do you know where P.DIDDY and co are carrying your N25k to. At least you know that your money is going towards 'local interests' INCLUDING yours truly. Lol . Gotta get on the road and clear my head and buy my duracell batteries just incase John Legend forgot his toothbrush and had to dash to SHOPRITE.

[ RHYTHM 93.7's WILD CHILD OR J-A-J BREAKS IN WITH AN ANNOUNCEMENT]

Is Addy going to damn the implications and just buy a ticket... Will John Legend get to meet his biggest fan in the whole universe... Will he serenade her with his tintilating voice and piano skills... Will Nduka at This Day's friends friends read this and call him up to give Addy the hook her Up... Will THISDAY put out a BOLO alert on Addy... Will Addy have to kidnap John Legend and stuff him in her closet especially after paying N25k... or will Area Boys now known as 'Western Nigeria Militant' aka 'Eko Oni Baje Boys' kidnap John Legend forcing Addy to come to his rescue. These are tough questions and we're all waiting to see how it unfolds. You don't want to miss the unfolding drama and it's all happening here so stay tuned. (Oh it's saturday guys... loosen up...LOL)

MORE 'EYES CANDIES' BELOW

No Elmo's not 'our' kid

Oooh.... I like a man in a red car...stylish

A fan probably shouting from upstairs.. I love you Johnny (no it wasn't me)

John Legend Overkill

Hello all! It's your feature guest blogger kulutempa doing (more than) a little sum'n on John Legend for my buddy, Adaure. The girl is totally obsessed with this shrimp of a man, but she can't blog and rather than take it as a sign, she's enlisted my help. Now, I'm totally out of my league with this, but here goes nothin':

Five-time Grammy Award winner John Legend might be little, but he's blossoming in the limelight and loving it. As his moniker suggests, Legend is blowing up on the entertainment scene, solidifying his reputation as a powerful singer whose sultry voice moves women to distraction and warms the hearts of a crowd. In a recently-conducted interview, he speaks about his love for his music and career, giving back, and bachelorhood. Yes, this sexy crooner is single, but sorry ladies (Adaure), he's not looking. When asked about his love life, Legend had this to say: "I have fun being single, I have fun dating someone, and when it's not fun any more, then I want to be single again. And right now, I'm single." Jesus, we get it John - you're single! Next! (To read more about his relationship and career plans, check out this article.)

But, as they say in showbiz, the show must go on. He isn't looking for a bride, but he's still working on melting hearts. This weekend, John Legend will be melting hearts at the This Day Festival in Lagos, Nigeria, along with fellow celebs Rihanna and P. Diddy. I'm sure I don't have to tell y'all to show up and show out - I trust Lagosians!

Look out for Adaure - she'll be the loudest fan there (please, let the loudness emit from your mouth, not your clothes, nne). This is someone who has blogged about John Legend no less than 13 times (I counted), and spends an obscene amount of time re-inventing his songs. (Also see: Confessions of a Wedding Crasher, John Legend and the Objects of My Affection, and especially John Legend's 'Save Room' Video for more evidence of her delusions.) To put it simply, Addy lurves her some John Legend! I hope he marries her and they have loads of short, yellow dwarf babies. With any luck they'll get his singing gene, cuz my girl can't even crack a note straight down the middle!

Here's some eye candy for those of you who just can't get enough of his smooth face:

Ok, enough! I can't even believe I've done this much. Adaure, I'll be expecting my payment in the mail. If this isn't proof I love you, I don't know what is. Enjoy the concert! I hope you get tickets....

KIDNAPPING KIDS

Little Samuel Amadi, Kidnapped

Yet another kid has been kidnapped in PH. Little Samuel Amadi was kidnapped on his way to school. This is the fourth case. Information is still trickling in since this happened Wednesday. It is suspected that this is an inside job. Read more on this HERE. I am not sure I want to go to PH again. I am beginning to get sick of the place especialy when it's difficult to file video stories in on time because of technical issues. Anyways below is an entry I wrote on my way back from PH on Tuesday night. Some of it is reflectionary. What's your opinion on the whole Margaret Hill story and all this kidnapping children.
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I am sitting at the wack VIP section of the Sam Mbakwe Airport in Owerri. It cost me N1000 just because I need to be in an air-conditioned location. I had to sit in a hot car on a two hour drive from Port Harcourt. Anyways I had to go down to chase the Margaret Hill story. She’s the ‘British’ girl who was kidnapped from her car ‘by Niger delta militants’ on her way to school. Already you can tell I have a problem with that sentence. Although the foreign media and government outrage is credited with the pressure that brought about her release, they al conveniently left out the fact that the kid is ALSO NIGERIAN. Her mother is Nigerian and Igbo and hence Margaret is also a Nigerian and Igbo girl as she is British. Secondly, every incident is quickly attributed to ‘Niger Delta Militants’ in their ‘masks and gun boats’. Da hell!! The guys who kidnapped this girl are common rogues, mere criminals who can’t even spell ‘militants’ let alone be one or even have the sophistication to understand what Niger Delta Militancy is all about.
Thirdly no innocent child or person deserves to ever be used as a pawn in a game played by adults and moreover a game that’s bigger than the person. But I must ask why there wasn’t any similar outrage by both local and foreign media and government when 3 year old St. Michael Stewart was kidnapped just about a month ago and keep from his parents for about the same length of time. Oh but of course, he has the unfortunate luck of being a regular black nappy haired Nigerian kid with no foreign affiliation whatsoever. The speculation that his kidnapping might have been politically motivated, as his mother was recently elected into the house of assembly, could have made it a ‘no-go-area-they’ll-sort-themselves-out’ type reaction from all. Even the staff of the state’s press secretary’s office could not say the kid’s name correctly or have a picture of him readily available, but had that of Margaret. What does that say to you guys? I thought this sort of thing happened only in America and the UK where there’s a disparity in reporting missing minorities. I didn’t know it was all over the place as well. You can’t even blame this one on colonialism. Or did Mrs. Oluchi Hill as unsophisticated as she is just have a better sense of public and media relations than the Stewarts. Hustling really hard and getting every necessary attention and making sure the whole world became as concerned as she was about her daughter. Or that the St. Michael was kidnapped during the honeymoon of a new government. It could really be either one of those and nothing more.

Meanwhile, I had the privilege to visit the Hills and see for myself how Margaret was doing. Perhaps get a good story. At this point I must admit how much of a scum I felt. Here I am hoping to take advantage of a little girl who is visible traumatized form a harrowing ordeal. But I was only doing my job, which I had and have to do. It’s one of the things about journalism that I hate to deal with. Getting that great story for the resume tape. Yeah yeah, we all want the world to see the other side, the moving stories of the small folks, and the human side of the ash and crash news paper blotters of this world. Those are all noble, but the dark, honest and realistic side is that we mostly all do it for ourselves. In the first 5 to 10 minutes of my meeting Margaret, I went all goo-goo and gaga with my baby talk, hoping, just hoping she would also talk back and give me that GREAT sound bite. I gave up because it was silly. This child has just spent 4 days in the jungle with some creepy human beings and here I was hoping to get a smile or a cute phrase from her. I just had to admit to myself there and then that I may not and cannot be proud of what I do all the time, but it has to be done. I realized that I am just like the casket builders whose wealth depends on people’s deaths. They tell you they don’t wish or pray for people to die but when they do, they are always there to ensure the dead make the transition to the spirit world in comfort and luxury. It’s the same with the mortuary owners. If you’ve ever traveled eastwards from Lagos you may have noticed that there are several road signs leading to mortuaries along the roadside. Along the Port Harcourt Owerri Road towards Isiopko there’s a mortuary at nearly every 5 blocks. Also along the Aba Road between Owerri and PHC. That’s evidence that there’s business to be made form people’s sorrow and misfortune. I’ve always been aware of it but it really dawned on me today. Especially when Margaret’s class teacher was like, ‘you people are never tired, you just want more and never stop,’ Thanks for telling me what I already know. But it did offend me that she would say something like that considering the fact that if the media were not vultures and proactive in this case, perhaps Margaret would still be in captivity. I guess it’s just another case of DAMNED IF YOU DO, DAMNED IF YOU DON’T. I would gladly jump at another profession that’s HOLY if I can find one. Unfortunately for me, I’m not smart enough to be a doctor (even they kill people sometimes and commit abortions), not butch or tall enough to have perfected my dream of being a basket-baller, can’t be a bollywood star because I can’t speak Hindi and I’m definitely to old to be a model.
Oh well, it’s too late to cry over spilt milk. Way too much money and time has gone into this profession for me to start second guessing myself. I just have to suck it up, dust my shoulders off and move on to the next story. So Vulture with a mic, Camera and panging conscience I must be, scavenging on people’s misfortune and hoping to help others along the way. While all that helps, it’s really never always about the resume tape.

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I NEED A TICKET TO SEE JOHN LEGEND

ANY TICKET !!!!!

Ok looks like there are some elements WORKING against this union between me and John Legend. It won't work for them O. My free ticket sources have run dry. It is so bad that I have made contingency plans towards gaining entrance. It does not involve scaling the walls of the new events center. That's rather dangerous considering the height. I mean does it really mean that I am actually going to buy a ticket? Hmh? I still have 24 hours to find a solution.

I hope some of you have brought out your canvas and flip-flops from the bottom of your trunks because high heels and fancy shoes will not go well with the SAND. Trust me!! That's why I run around town looking crazy wearing sneakers with my suits. The sand demons here are mean. Meanwhile, if JL does not show up at the concert tomorrow, ya'll know where to find him. Like Beyonce says ... In Da Closet that's my spot....If I bought it then please don't touch. LOL rotf-lmao!! (I mean dang, if I pay that kinda top naira, John Legend better be in my house doing the chores.) Ok SSS go easy on the shoes abeg.

Anyways, this is not in the papers yet because it is exclusive to 'the world according to addy'. John is coming specifically to Nigeria to look for me. He actually conveyed that in his song, 'Where did my Baby Go'. Here's my typical Lagos girl response

Where did my baby go? --- GO, GO GON, GO .. OK SERIOUSLY I'M IN LAGOS
I wonder where she ran off to -- I SAID I'M IN LAG NOW
I miss my baby so -- I MISS YOU TOO SNICKER-DOODLES
I'm calling but I can't get through -- DAMN GLO MOBILE -- NETWORK IS DOWN AGAIN
Please tell that girl if you meet her
That someone's longing to see her -- EH YAH ARE YOU SERIOUS, I GUESS YOU DON'T WATCH STV
Where did my baby go? -- ARE YOU DEAF, YOU DIN HEAR ME BEFORE
I wish that she would get back soon --- PAY MY DOWRY FIRST AND I'LL MOVE IN WITH YA

I'm searching for the lover I knew -- SHHH... YOU CAN'T BE ANNOUNCING THAT NOW
Have you seen her? -- TELL ME HAVE YOU SEEN HER, SEEN HER
Where did she go? -- HIAN!! LEKWENUM AJUJU ... SEE QUESTION O
Feels like I've just lost my only friend -- YOU MUST BE A VERY LONELY MAN THEN
Flames subsided, colors faded -- ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T HAVE CATARACT, MAY BE YOU NEED SOME GO-SLOW-BONES (GSB)
Love just got so complicated -- IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS NOW
Wish that I could see her smile again -- YOU SURELY CAN, IT'S RIGHT HERE 'SMILE'
So if you see her out there, tell her I'm still here -- ADDY ARE YOU HEARING
Waiting for the day when she will reappear -- I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW AT 4PM


Maybe I was wrong -- YOU SURELY WERE MISTER

and I Ignored her for too long -- SO YOU WERE SCREENING MY CALLS EHN

and I Didn't even notice when she slipped away -- YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN HOMIE. YOUR BAD!!
Maybe while I lay fast asleep then
Out into the night she creeps -- ORI E...YOUR HEAD... ME CREEP KE.. YOU MUST BE VERY MAD
I'll leave the light on, so she'll come back someday -- IF NEPA PERMITS
So if you see her out there, tell her it's not fair -- LIFE'S NOT FAIR
That life's just not the same when she's not here -- EH YAH, SORRY EHN

Where did my baby go? -- COME ARE YOU SURE IZ ME YOU ARE LOOKING FOR,
I keep calling but I can't get through ---- THAT'S COS YOU DIDN'T BUY THAT NOKIA N-SERIES PHONE FOR ME

Just what am I supposed to do? -- WHEN YOU COME TO NIGERIA ASK HER ON A DATE, KISS AND MAKE UPPlease tell that girl if you meet her
That someone's longing to see her -- THIS DAY PEOPLE HAVE YOU HEARD? I AM WAITING FOR THE PHONE CALL-- MY NUMBER IS 0807-555-5555 ..LOL

JOHN LEGEND WEEK

IN PREPARATION FOR THISDAY MUSIC FESTIVAL....
Hi my name is Nene adaure's lil sis im a guest blogger for Adaure this week. She is out on an emergency assignment to portharcourt. She has a date with one of the kingpin militants. [Topsecret you didn't get that from me.shhhhhhhh]
The This Day Festival takes place on the 14th and 15th of July in Lagos. The Festival showcases a number of international artistes including John Legend, Rihanna, Ne-Yo, Shakira, UB40 and some Nigerian artistes.
Considering it's titled John Legend Week, let me tell you a little bit about him. Aside from the fact that he makes out with many different girls in his videos, that's just stating the obvious. The cutey is multi-talented, he's a singer, song writer, pianist and a fabulous performer. He killed it in 2004 with his hit singles 'Ordinary people' and 'Used to love you'. He's also a Grammy nominee and winner. Check out his video, one of my personal favorites using this link. http://youtube.com/watch?v=yoNk7saTb88

TRUE LOVE ARTICLE ON NIGERIAN BLOGGERS

LOOKING FOR A GIRL...TO BE MY TRUE LOOOVVEEEE

The much anticipated article on Nigerian Bloggers has been posted on Bella's Blog. Here's Addy's Million dollar smile gracing one of the pages.

You can see my profile and the rest of the article and the lovely pictures of other bloggers like Taureanminx, Aramide aka Mona and Bimby Lads at this LINK. Our favorite and fabulous blogger Bella is also featured in the article. Unfortunately ya'll will still have to wait for a cover story and big reveal bash before you find out who Bella really is. OH THE MYSTERY!!!! I am thinking a masquerade party. All in favor say 'I'. LOL.

The article was written by Ebun Olatoye one of my favorite writers at True Love West Africa (not because of this article but because the girl can really write. You'ld think she's the only writer the magazine has.) Anyways this is just the beginning for Nigerian Blogville. Sooner than you think we'll soon be included as part of the Nigerian WOrld of Entertainment. May be have a real live and direct 'Blogville Awards' lol. Enjoy

Also since there're some first timers here, thanks to the article, give yourselves a big WELCOME TO MY WORLD hug or air kiss. Whichever yoi prefer. You have a lot of catching up to do so grab your popcorn and small chops, a bottle of Star, Big Stout and in the language of Chief Zebrudaya 'commencement to understood this nomenclature' called Adaure. It's a wild ride.

Meanwhile can someone show me how to link music to this page. I so wanna link Tuface Idibia's song 'True Love' this month. Lol. I haven't been able to get it outta my head al weekend (I know...I need to calm down... seriously. Not!! it's not the same as being on TV...lol... that's a job and I have to wake up early for that :)

Fyi: The article meant to read that I get 300 hits per day not 3000. But I am sure y'all were smart enough to figure that one out or did some snooping around by clicking on my sitemeter.

MORE TEXT MESSAGE HUMOR

MY POPS IS TOO DARNED FUNNY... HE NEEDS TO BE A COMEDIAN


Before I continue, I have to ask God to forgive me and all of you for laughing at this because someone is the butt of it all but this was just too funny not to share. So I had to fire my driver two weeks ago for taking my niceness for granted and not showing up for work on several occassions. Apparently he misunderstood my sarcasm to mean it was really up to him to show up for work or not, if he liked. Anyways this week I got another driver and his first day was yesterday. It is so scary sitting in the back seat and having a total starnger drive you. But I'll probably get over that by next week considering the fact that driving in Lagos is an ordeal and secondly, I still don't have my driver's license. I know, I know, I am a bad example to society and should be thrown in some police station. Anyways, I noticed something about my driver that had me just a bit concerned and I sent the following text message to my friend Ayisola, my sister Onyenachi and My dad. I have to warn you that what you are about to read is quite PROGRESSIVELY rib cracking so get ready...

Adaure( WANNABE FUNNY): Got a new driver but the dude drives wierd. He keeps looking off to the left, rapidly, like he's got Teret Syndrome. May be he is cross-eyed and doesn't know it...may be he needs glasses.

Ayisola (FUNNY): Just pray he won't drive you into the bush

Onyenachi(FUNNIER):Ask him for the picture of the love of his life and paste it on the windscreen. But pray he sees the car infront of him as well.

DAD (FUNNIEST): Nne my phone discharged. Bear with your driver, God will straighten his neck and keep you protected. If it will make you feel better, you can also tie his neck to the door so that he does not turn it. God saves... Trust in Him.


I swear I don't know where they get this from but I can't take this any more... too freaking funny. Dad got me at 'God will straighten his neck'. WHAT!?! :D

Anyways to the issue of the driver. Not trying to be mean or funny but it has me all nervous. Am I just being paranoid or do I have a reason to be concerned. The guy says he's been driving for 25 years. I have the urge to ask him why he keeps doing that but I think 'that' will be mean. HELP!! My car is like a sanctuary from the madness that goes on on the streets of Lagos. I don't need it to creep in with me wondering whether my driver has 'issues'that need a medical doctor's intervention. Or am I the one who's going crazy? Ha... you never can tell, everyone in Lagos looks mad these days even the ones dressed in the finest designer gear and driving the finest cars. As Andy said in Living in Bondage (or was it one of those early Nollywood flicks) 'Lekwe fa... Fancha...Fancha... Ndiala... Ndiala'... (Look at them, all of them, all mad people)LOL

SIMBA, MY TRUE LOVE

The Lion King and True Love Article on Bloggers

All this weekend I have been excited about two things. Let me talk about the first as I beg your indulgence for a few moments of vanity. OH MY GAWWWDDD I AM IN TRUE LOVE WEST AFRICA!!!! Ha ha ha!! Ok calm down Addy...calm down. So I and a few bloggers including Bella, Taurean minx, Bimby Lads and Aramide had the opportunity to be interviewed for the article. Honestly I wished more of 'us' could have been in it but y'all know there can't be enough space to contain all the GREAT NIGERIAN BLOGGERS we read every day. Before I continue, I have to give kudos to Bella. Only a special person can be offered the opportunity to have her picture splashed on the most popular magazine in West Africa and yet decline. WOW!! That's deep! People that humble are rare to find these days and unfortunately RIGHT NOW, I AM DEFINITELY NOT ONE OF THEM. Especially as I was expecting this article to be one of those one page small passport-photo size picture type articles as I didn't think 'we were that important'. But Dude we got like 5 pages and I got 1 and a half. And the pictures were hot. As in 'EHEN NOW WE ARE TALKING'....not like the funny flying arm, eyes half close looking drunk pictures that the 'Street Style Tabloids' post. So embarrassing those ones are, in fact I cringe at the sight. BUT THIS ONE!! Ah.. this one is one in town. I look like I could sell white as black because I look like such a saint (I plead the 5th at this point). Anyways I have been singing and dancing TuFace Idibia's 'True Love' all weekend and irritating my siblings and friends. Gosh I think True Love made a mistake because I will be driving people crazy with this one. Yeah yeah it is not an achievement but me I have been dreaming of being in a magazine for the longest time... as SUPER MODEL(rotf-lmao). I think I can live with this one in a frame on my wall for the rest of my life. Slowly and surely I will get into Time and O! magazine one day and if I become anybody of world importance (like the person who brings world peace) perhaps I'll make the cover (hmh..did i just curse myself, because world peace seems quite elusive). Until then, being the bush girl that I can be I am milking it like a 5 year old in a nursery school play.


Which brings me to the second topic of importance. The Lion King was in Nigeria (ha ha... I hope you didn't miss that transition....go back and read the previous 3 lines.. I am just a G!!). Oh yeah back to what I was saying. Yes the Lion King came to the Muson Center in Lagos and guess what... I AM IN LOVE WITH SIMBA!!! Isn't he just too hot?




Kingsley Ogboso (Next Movie Star 2005) and the gorgeous kids at Standard Bearers Academy and their teachers performed the Lion King all of last week. Can I say that that's like the cutest thing I have seen since I came to Nigeria. Aside from the baby Donkey somewhere in Oniru Estate and Hero's 5 puppies and Hero playing soccer. Hero is the yard 'Mongrel' at STV (need to differentiate from the street mongrels that hang around outside the station) Anyways, the play was such a delight to watch. I was laughing hard and singing along as well, considering that I used to perform the Lion King to entertain my nieces in New York way back when I used to my house girl-aspiring-to-be-a-Broadway-star runs. Seriously I knew every word to the lyrics and even the movie. I am kinda rusty now but the play brought it all back. And y'all can never guess who was playing Timon. Fellow blogger Don Chichi himself. Great Job dude!! Great job to the entire school for putting this on. It was fabulous. It was no Broadway, but it was absolutely refreshing and honestly you can never go wrong with a production of Lion King especially if you have kids in it. Screams of total cuteness. I was actually feeling a little jealous of the mommies and daddies who were waving back to their kids on stage. There was this absolutely adorable little girl who was just too tickled about being a flower. Arghh!!! I couldn't resist waving back when she waved to her parents. Ok I sense my maternal instincts creeping up and I have adjusted my 'list of kids' to two now. We'll see how long that will last. Anyways I am looking forward to seeing another play in town soon, may be even auditioning for one. I gotta put my theater degree to good use now, just waiting for the 'aha' moment. Ya'll keep your ears close to the ground for auditions. I was actually discussing with a friend and wondering, wouldn't it be nice to see a Nigerian Adaptation of Grease? What other plays would you like to see performed? I absolutely love the Nigeria Classics like Ola Rotimi's ' The God's are Not to Blame', Zulu Sofola's 'Wedlock of the Gods' and all those Wole Soyinka and his contemporaries' plays that used to show at the Unilag Auditorium way back when the AIR CONDITIONER USED TO WORK!!!! LOL!!
Below are the pictures. They are not so clear but I am working on getting clearer ones. Y'all expect the True Love article on BellaNaija.com SOOOOON!!! I don't have a scanner and I am not about to buy 10 copies of the magazine to give all my friends who want to see it.

LAGOS:THE NEW YORK OF NIGERIA

JUST NOT ALL OF IT...

Someone sent me this article in the LA Times. It makes for an interesting read. I was kinda disappointed because when I think of New York I don't just think of the chaos but also about the ritziness, the fashion, the night life, the literary culture etc. This New York of Nigeria described in the article is a bit incomplete, wouldn't you say. Any thoughts ya'll want to share on this article?

(ps: Will try to post stuff often but I as you guys can tell I don't have much free time these days. There's so much stuff going on that I wish I could take time to write about and post but you'll have to bear with me. Lagos is chaotic true true. By the way can someone tell me how to get video on a tape or cd uploaded to You Tube. I have tried the obvious but it is just not working.)

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Lagos: 'The New York of Nigeria'
It is among the world's fastest-growing cities, at once a chaotic megalopolis and a thriving center of entrepreneurship.
By Robyn Dixon, Times Staff Writer
June 25, 2007



Exploding city
LAGOS, NIGERIA — Away from the noise and hustle and stink, the shriek of energy, the never-ending buzz that is Lagos, a man reclines on a gravestone, serenely reading a book.

His name is Immortal, and he sells life insurance. He says he is waiting for an angel.

"I just come here to relax," says Immortal Emenike, 40, from his unexpected haven in Trinity Cemetery in Olodi Apapa neighborhood. "I like the serenity, the fresh air. It's very hard to find in Lagos." Nearby, a goat named Sikira nibbles on the vegetation. Outside is a wall of sound: buzzing motorcycles, car horns and traffic.

Like many Lagosians, Immortal appears nonplused if you ask him what he loves about the raucous mega-city he calls home. He has a passion for Lagos, yet seems wary of questions, in case they're not kindly meant.

"Lagos is like the New York of Nigeria," he says. "It's a jungle where a lot of things can happen. Things that don't happen anywhere will happen in Lagos: the unexpected."

Lagos is one of the planet's fastest-growing mega-cities, with people drawn not only from rural Nigeria but also from all over West Africa to hack out a living. Depending on your point of view, it's either a center of irrepressible entrepreneurialism or a nightmarish city of unplanned chaos, a cautionary tale on what not to do.

No one is sure whether the population is 9 million, as last year's house-to-house census claimed; 16 million, as estimated by the U.N. Population Fund; or 17 million, as the Lagos state government insists. The United Nations agency has predicted that Lagos will be the world's third most-populous city by 2015, with 23 million people.

It's not a place for the fainthearted. From the first wallop of steamy air on alighting from a plane, Lagos is a plunge pool of intense exhilaration, jumbled with measures of shock, frustration, rage and boredom.

Despite poverty, intractable social problems, mind-boggling corruption and dire failures of planning and infrastructure, "I think this total doomsday scenario that Lagos is going to be this total Dickensian horror place is not right either," says Daniel J. Smith, a demographic anthropologist at Brown University. "Nigerians have lived with the failure of their government to provide leadership and infrastructure for a long time, and so they have adapted all these ways to make things work.

"There's this incredible ethic and tradition of entrepreneurship, and maybe that's related to living in a place where you can't count on the government to provide services and amenities."

Dutch architect Rem Koolhaas has argued that the mega-cities of the future will look like Lagos: chaotic and spontaneous with planning solutions improvised on the run rather than following some master plan.

Even arriving can be a shock. "Lagos airport? In a word, don't," cautions the Lonely Planet Bluelist of destinations to avoid at all costs.

Borne downward on the airport arrival hall escalator, international visitors arriving for the presidential inauguration at the end of May found themselves trapped, with a solid crowd bottlenecked at the bottom. They crashed into a wall of backs, tripped, stumbled, even leaped over the sides, literally falling into Lagos with a thunk.

Then there's the metal jigsaw of rickety trolleys pressed around the baggage carousels and sometimes a wait of hours to collect as huge bags of traders' goods are unloaded.

Outside, license plates proclaim that you've arrived in "Lagos: Center of Excellence."

The jostling thoroughfares are much more than mere arteries for the choking traffic. The roadside is an open-air market, a car sales yard, a photo studio; a truck depot, pool hall, butcher's; a lumber yard, an office, a sheep yard; a place to hang laundry on the highway sidings, or to nap on any available surface.

There are some sights that strain credulity: A city skyscraper just folded like a house of cards one weekend.

Papered all over walls and suspended from any pole are advertising billboards and banners, as though the city were screaming out its own exuberant and often perplexing monologue: "Food is ready." "Slow down, bridge under investigation." "Plumber is here." "We paste posters." "Keep off the wall." "No parking no waiting no hawking." "Please pay your tax regularly." "Do not urinate here. It is prohibit." "Don't offend our ancestors with fakes. Insist on the original prayer drink." "Overhead banners are prohibited." "It is illegal to have anything to do with touts. You may end up facing various miscellaneous offenses."

Taxis are plastered with biblical verses and homespun advice: "Love everyone Trust no-one." "Watch and See." "No controversy."

Businesses grab attention by turning to religion: "God is Able Store." "Heaven Economics." "Miracle Outfits." "Divine Ultrasound." Then there are more the bizarre appeals, such as the "Peculiar Beauty Salon," or the "Cholesterol Hair Conditioner" found in some outlets.

The exuberance is reflected in Lagosians' flamboyant clothing and the startling towers of bright material that women wear on their heads like flames of color. There are nightclubs where patrons fling all the plastic tables and chairs into the air when things are really humming.

Taiwo Adeyeye, 19, arrived alone from the town of Ogbomosho in Oyo state in April.

"I love it because it's a commercial city. It's a place where you get a lot of buyers for your wares," says Adeyeye, who lives in a room behind a baker's shop and walks all day in the sauna-like heat selling bread from a tray on her head.

"It's not really everything that I'd want," she says of her room and job. In the little leisure she has, "I just walk around the area. I feel good walking around. The things I see all around excite me."

Smith, the demographic anthropologist, says that despite government failures and corruption, Lagosians have developed small trusting business networks, allowing them to survive and profit.

"People look at a place like Lagos and some of them think, 'Why would anyone ever want to go there, because it's so big and populated and there's so much poverty?' " he says. "But people are carving out a living better than they would have been able to had they stayed at home.

"People have managed to cobble together an informal economic infrastructure that enables them to carry out all these commercial activities somehow. Everyone's getting water for their homes somehow, and every business manages to hire a generator to keep their business going."

Ezekial Charles, 38, a pastor and businessman who arrived seeking his fortune in 2001, sits in the shade of a tree surrounded by litter a few yards from a busy highway.

"I think you get used to it. When there's no light it sometimes is painful, but still I feel happy," he says, referring to the long and frequent power outages. "I love the population, the way business is flowing. A few people are honest, let's say a quarter of them. People here can help you and make life easier for you."

Even the rich cannot escape the city's notorious traffic jams. But for the poor, opportunity knocks with every "go-slow." Buyers collect their purchase before paying, in case the traffic moves along. Then, according to local etiquette, it's up to the seller to run thundering along to collect the cash and give change. The traffic lanes are always busy with the sound of flip-flopping feet in cheap Chinese footwear and the shout of traders plying their goods.

Everywhere there are entrepreneurial openings: Two boys put up a traffic cone blocking access from a clogged artery to a highway, demanding money to pass. When one driver refuses to pay, he and one of the boys scream at each other, waving arms and blazing with fury. Just as it seems someone will pull out a gun, the row abruptly evaporates. The cone is removed. The driver passes.

"Roads are the worst planning problem," Lagos state government planner Benedict Kehinde says. "I can say that there wasn't any planning. The government would acquire land, and people just moved on and constructed buildings, so it becomes difficult to build roads on that land. So you have to wind your way around the existing structures."

At times the city is visual anarchy, with piles of uncollected trash, mountains of jumbled timber, abandoned car skeletons, tires. Lagos produces half a million tons of trash a day, according to a recent environmental report to the state government, and much of it is collected and dumped anywhere by freelancers.

A train drifts by with people crowded on the roof. Traffic buzzes the wrong way up a one-way street, spreading across the lanes like waters in front of the opposing traffic flow.

Lounging near two dusty outdoor pool tables on a recent election day, civil servant Kola McCauley, 30, waxes lyrical about his hometown.

"I love my city. I love Lagos. It's very lovely. The people, they're very intelligent. They're very versatile. They're very hospitable and accommodating," he says as a screaming match erupts between voters and polling officials a few yards from where he sits and police have to be called in.

Mostly, Lagosians know when to stop. But not always, says Immortal in the cemetery, taking a break from his book.

"You have to be cautious all the time. Maybe I'm walking and I step on your shoes, even if it's by mistake. It can cause a big fight, and in the end the police arrive. It's because of the pressure of society.

"You see it every day. Things that should be cooled down are blown up like a volcano. The serenity here helps me to mellow and think of good things."

TEMPORARY STRIKE ACTION

NO FUEL, NO BLOG... LOL

My people, how dey go dey go. I know it’s been a while, but I have been on strike with my fellow brethren of Labor. A much needed vacation. Lol. I still had to work though but the ‘sit-at-home’ mood and lack of transportation sort of affected work. But damn Labor for giving up just like that. I think if they stuck to their guns, they just might have gotten it to N65. But ya’ll know N70 is the real increase and N75 was just a strategy with Labor being so darned predictable. Anyways I am glad I can get some fuel so that I can get out of this Island. I am beginning to see too many ‘crazy men’ standing in the middle of the highway stark naked. Anyways the following was an entry I wrote last week but could never got a chance to post it. And below that is an entry from my sister Nene. Pardon her writing and grammar as she is in that much educated despite the attempts to send her to school and make something out of her. As if confusing her about her origin was not enough (we told her as a kid that she was picked up from the gutter, hence her blackness) she was dumped at Unilag’s Philosophy department. Wrong move. She learnt about other crazy people and came up with a crazy idea of wanting to become a beautician. So you see, you can’t compare her writing with mine. Enjoy.
Oh by the way pick up a copy of July’s True Love West Africa if you can or wait for the post on the all so fabulous BellaNaija.com. Interesting article in there (wink, wink)

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So I have survived six straight months in Nigeria without leaving the country. I am surprised I have not had a panic attack yet. You know the ‘what have I done moment’ like I had two weeks after I moved to Santa Maria. I have also not lined my co-workers up and used them for dart practice, even though I envision it every time. Picture it: dude is blabbing away and I am there just moping but I am really picturing him on a door coat hanger fighting off my darts. BOO YAH!!! BULLS EYE!!! Ouch…that must have hurt. I better get him off that door. There we go. Back to the present…blah blah blah blah. ARGH!!!!!
Anyways I said I was going to give you an assessment of my six months but I am not sure that will be possible today as I am on STRIKE.
Yes I have joined Labor in their strike to get the price of petrol reduced to N65 from the N75 that former President Obasanjo raised it to in the twilight of his administration. Labor is also protesting the sale of the Port Harcourt and the Kaduna petroleum refinaries to his friends Femi Otedola (Zenon) and the Dangote group amongst a laundry list of demands. Government agreed to reduce by N5 and conceded a few other things but Labor says it is N65 or nothing and hence ALUTA CONTINUA!! GO LABOR!!!! WOOO HOOO!!! Therefore fellow bloggers do as I do and go on strike as well. Lol.
Unfortunately it is people like you and I who have to suffer because those pansies in government don’t pay for their damned petrol. They are all bunkering chieftains’ as Tanure Ojaide puts it in his book ‘The Activist’. They probably have a pipeline direct to a tap in their fancy three cars revolving garage door siphoning fuel to them. Can you believe, I am still running on the gas that I bought on Thursday of last week. I used a half tank through seven days. I stayed home watching DVD’s through out Saturday and Sunday. I suffered through darkness and heat for a few hours in between as the generator now goes off at 9.30am only to come back on around 5pm. HELL!!! I was fortunate that NEPA decided to actually do their job and provide electricity for more than 3 hours at a time so I was able to get through one movie before the light went out again. Then on Tuesday I caught a bug and went down hard, sneezing and blowing my nose all over the place. There is nothing worse than having a cold in summer or like conditions. I was in bed from 3pm Tuesday to 7am Thursday when I decided I could not take it anymore. I did nothing but eat, sleep, sneeze, watch movies and get drunk and drowsy on SudaFed. My goodness what a miserable existence I lead. I woke up around midnight and had no one to talk to so I called my dad, my sisters and then my mom called and we chatted for a bit. I sent a few texts but no one called me back. Uh huh, you know yourselves, thanks for nadda. Anyways I did finally go to sleep and dragged myself to work but I was still obviously sick so I called it a short day and tried to go home and sleep. But guess what. NO LIGHT. So my ass is sitting in the wine red ikea-like loveseat at the This Day Media Centre at the Palms Mall. Ah!! What a relief. On days like this you really appreciate places like the Palms and the Galleria, even Mr. Biggs. I mean Nigerian middle class kids, for lack of a bracket to place them in are really enjoying. In 1997, my senior year in high school, we had to play ‘paper men’ or ‘table soccer’ to remain keep the sanity. Not kids of today. I see some of the effikos amongst them doing home work with their lap tops and notebooks and the cool ones are toasting each other, the boys still up to their old tricks of pressing breast while the girls still do the shakara thing. Anyways I am on STRIKE so I cannot give you any further gist. Hopefully the boys in the barracks would not vex and come out of hibernation and reduce fuel to N45. Yardie would have done the right thing by Nigerians by then if he’s as smart as his resume shows him to be. (Ya'll know how this STORY ended...so wack!!)

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AND THEY HID BEHIND THE BUSHES

A tale of a Traumatized Nigerian Girl

So many nights I cry and ask myself why. Why? Oh Why? What were they thinking when they stalled? What were they thinking when they ran? I ask myself day and night what my status quo on the social and economic ladder would have been if they waited and got on that ship. The ship that would have taken them to the New world, far and far away from this continent of black-outs and election rigging. To a land of possibilities, opportunities and chances, a land of milk and honey. Whether that land is truly what they say it is, I know not now, considering the fact that Muritala Muhammed Airport has been my junction. I reach… but I branch off, waving good bye to those lucky bastards who come here every holiday to oppress me. The most I say is ‘Goodbye… Safe journey…don’t forget us suffering here…send dollar and buy me tops.” When these baskets return for there routine Christmas and Easter visits, they tell me ‘their load’ was too much, that they had to drop some things behind and even pay excess baggage fee (not because their baggage were overweight but because they themselves were overweight). Now why is it that it is my own present that they are always dropping behind each time? These are the same people because of whom I sleep on the living room floor, feasted upon by mosquitoes while they enjoy the warmth and coziness of my bed and pillow further depressing my already depressed Vono mattress. I don’t blame them, it’s because they have gone to Ala Beke (abroad) and I have not. In fact, I was insulted today. Can you imagine? Just because I mentioned that some place in a movie I was watching with the hungry parasites also known as my family members, looked like a city in New York, I was told to ‘c’mon shut-up’ and asked a series of questions; Where do you know? Have you passed the border before? Have you spent forex? Do you have a valid visa on your passport? In fact do you even have a passport? I consoled myself in the knowledge that I at least had some brand new Naira notes and my unused Ecowas pass in my wallet. In the worst case, I could take a bus to Seme in Benin Republic and do a bit of second hand shopping, or what my Americana-sister deceives her self in calling ‘Vintage’ shopping, after all they speak French there. Then I ask myself, how would it feel holding a blue or red passport? Priding in the fact that I need no permission from a man who has only a high school certificate in his country to travel where I please. I wouldn’t have to answer to questions like ‘What is your mission?’ and him telling me “I’m sorry but you are not qualified for this visa,” as though it was an entrance examination. On another attempt I was actually asked, “do you think you are beautiful enough to go to America?” I was very upset when this happened that I cursed the man, saying, “God will punish you and bad things will happen to you.” I was shocked and perplexed beyond the knowledge of whether to laugh or cry when the man replied, “God is already punishing me… I’m in Nigeria.” At which point I went home, drank my garri and groundnut and pondered. If this man is complaining about just being in Nigeria, despite being paid loads of money, then perhaps I should hang myself for being a Nigerian because that means that there’s no redemption for me in the sight of God since He made that decision. But then I continue my dream about how much better life would have been had they not hid behind the bushes. This thing is paining me so much because here I am subjected to a country where my father can threaten his wife, who happens to also be my mother by divine ordinaton, that if she votes for a particular person in the Lagos gubernatorial race, she might as well pack her load and go and marry that candidate. Even her children were in support of that action, seizing her voter’s card; after all, the candidate was the worst of the bunch. Rather than let him get one vote from this house, no one voted at all. Here I am in a country where my vote does not count. In fact I have a friend who sold her vote for Maryland Cookies, the other for Celtel recharge card and another for a ride to Unilag Gate. See how useless all my friends are, dim wits the whole lot. But you cannot blame them after all ‘na where belle face e go go (it is where the stomach points to that the body will follow) especially since Baba Iyabo had already done the s-ELECTION for them. In fact that is just the tip of the iceberg. The thing that annoys me now is that people travel every weekend and come back with British and American accents. When you ask them, in the normal lingo for those who just returned from abroad i.e “When did you get back?. Their response, “Ah Charley, I just got back from Ghana yesterday.’ Hmh… small boy Ghana of yesterday that we supply electricity to. I wonder what would happen now that they have discovered oil, supplying Nigeria with petrol. Speaking of electricity, the entire week before the election, we suddenly had constant supply of electricity, but after the deadline we did not have light for two whole days. We resorted to eating half sour soup, saying, ‘iz the flavour’, when truly deep down in our heart we know that there no money to cook another pot of soup until next weekend. Had they not hid behind the bushes we’ll be talking about frozen ham and bacon, chicken nuggets and barbeque. Put it in microwave and it is good to go(in a country American accent). We won’t worry about refilling the kerosene stove or fanning the flames for the fire wood. The part that frustrates me is that I am already very black and the more I stay by the firewood and the kerosene stoves, the blacker I get because of soothe that coats me. The sun that shines does not help my case. My mother would have solved my problem if only she had re-eloped with an ‘OYINS’ (white man) when she went to find love in America. Had that been the case, perhaps my story will be different. Let me even make a confession, a friend of mine admitted that she became my friend because she thought I was a Ghanaian. She was being optimistic in wanting to raise her level on the social ladder. The thought of having an international friend can take her places, open doors for her and move mountains. That was a smart kid, since her grand father hid behind the bushes too; she wanted to pave the way for herself to get across the ocean, whether by canoe, plane or swimming across herself. Being a sharp kid, she left me for another friend, who had lied that her mother would take all her friends to America for her birthday. But the poor girl…her dream was shattered when the birthday came and there wasn’t even an single cake. All this lying friend could tell her was, it’s coming, it’s coming. One thing did come though, closing time and the girl was no where to be found, neither was the cake. Getting back to the topic, every thing that is in a bitter man’s heart is the hope that tomorrow will be better, that our wishes would become horse so that we can go on a joy ride. If history repeats itself and knowing what I do know now about the New World and the ‘MAN’, I wonder whether I too would not have hidden behind the bushes. Indeed the grass always looks greener on the other side. But you never know what you’ve got till it’s gone or snatched away as was the case for those who didn’t get a chance to hide behind the bushes.

UPDATES

Crazy Week But....


I had to stop by and give you some 'Addy Styleee' updates






INAUGURATION RUNS


It was interesting as I said but not without some quirkiness. First of all, who said the leaders are inaccessible (sarcasm). Practically all the beggars moved to Abuja just to see Yardie (more sarcasm). Or could it be that the Northerners just couldn't wait to get back into power (below the belt sarcasm). Oh don't chastise me! You lot know that's what you are thinking, I just have a big mouth enough to say it out. Well I am probably on the optimistic side of things and hoping Yardie and Goodie will not be like their predecessors and play on tribe, religion and be corrupt. Anyways I really just wanted to write about my experience trying to get past the sea of beggars to get into the island of wealth that was packed inside the banquet for the Inauguration. After all we are all aspiring. First of all the invitation and protocol passes did not account for anything because somehow random people had gained access into the banquet hall for this 'exclusive' shindig. Serious security breach to say the least. Presidents of countries (Algeria and VP of Egypt I think) were locked out while several 'non-exclusive crowd' individuals had seats. Not that I am in the 'other' crowd but me and and little my mid-level crowd crew could not find seats so we opted to leave and have an early start to the house party. How about it took us 30 minutes just to be allowed out of the building. We and the Canadian high commissioner went from one room to the other including the kitchen to find an exit but each was either jammed with people trying to get in or locked. Did I hear someone say FIRE HAZARD. Not just that. My mind went very far and I got very scared. I mean with the way the Niger Delta Militants operate, bombing peoples homes and s***. In my mind, I kept on thinking OMG this is some serious prime target here and Addy can't even get out to safety. Oh well we eventually left when the High commission started getting prickly with the security personel. Everybody else left eventually because it was probably boring. Let's just hope the disorganization is not a reflection of what's to come. I mean seriously Yardie... Abuja ain't Kansas...I mean Katsina. You have to step your game up dawg. You can keep it real with the common folk. You know....shake a few beggars now and then, toss them a few change here and there but that's really as real as you can keep it. Especially in the 'dirty south' cos there's some hommies that ain't pleased you got 'ASO ROCK ON LOCK'.. (Whoa!! that's some tight rhyme courtesy of 'queen slim mack of the underground'...my rapper alter ego. By the way the dress was made by one of my tailors. I knocked the style off one of my 'vintage' purchases in NC. Meanwhile I am still looking for more tailors. Know any good ones? I am trying to re-invent 'Addy's Closet' so I don't burn my purse... I still have grad school tuition to save for.)




MORE BOOKS CONQUERED


So I am done with both of Jude Dibia's books (Walking with Shadows and Unbridled). Great reads. It took me two sittings to finish the first and teh second I was done with in under 8 hours. Unbridled was tight. Captivating and engrossing. The drama was just deeeeeep all the way to the end. It was just a little bit predictable but it's the journey to the end that kept me gropping for more. I guess I am putting my 'ameboness' to good use by getting my does of gossip in books and not 'blogs' (lol) or peoples drama filled lives. Not that I did in the first place really... but every now and then I did dip and dabble. But I have to admit, and this without bias, that my best read for the week has to be Ken Wiwa's tribute to his father titled In the Shadow of A Saint.




For someone who prides herslef in being a supporter of the Ogoni struggle and Ken Saro-Wiwa, you'ld expect that I should have been standing in line when this book first came out. I know. I am ashamed to even say I am just reading the book now. I'd been meaning to buy the book for a while (almost borrowed Kulutempa's copy way back in NC) but my cheap ass was waiting for a free autographed copy from the author which never came. I guess Kulutempa's message delivery system FAILED. I have to confess to my cheapness because the week before I met the writer, I had actually picked up the book and walked to the counter to pay, but was like 'awww hell no. why should I pay when I can get a free copy' (wide grin...out come the jackie o. sunglasses). Anyways I finally got my free signed copy and I have to say that I could not put the book down until I got to the very last page. DEEP and STIRRING. You just have to get a copy. (And with that I am expecting a check from the royalty revenue for June...lol... just kidding) Now I am off to read Tanure Ojaide's latest book titled The Activist.



Yeap... he's of the 'North Carolinian-Nigerian' stock. There are some mixed reviews online but I am on the second chapter and I already like the writing style. The main character, the so called 'activist' doesn't even have a name yet .. JUST PLAIN BRILLIANT!!!













Meanwhile our girl Chimamanda Adichie keeps showing she's a force to reckon with in the literary world. According to This Article on BBC.com, she is tipped to win the Orange Broadband Prize for Fiction for her book Half of A Yellow Sun. THAT'S RAD GURL!!! Many of us here are huge Adichie fans and I am sure we are all rooting for her to win (by the time you read this the winner may have been announced). And in the words of ICY 'RAWK ON!!' (UPDATE: SHE WON THE PRIZE)

ESCAPE


On Thursday I found myself in a robbery panic situation near the Lekki Phase 1 roundabout that was too close for comfort. Ain't Lekki supposed to be the safe haven for the rich and privileged. Well looks like the ill elements of the mainland are leaving it to the pot holes alone to encroach the plush existence. It was just about 8.30pm. There was some unusual traffic along the Lekki Epe express way going towards VI. The opposite lane was dead and by now curious drivers had already started coming out of their cars to find out wassup. I locked my doors and continued jamming my music while keenly observing movement around me. I have heard of the random traffic jam robberies but never thought I would ever be so close to one. After a while I just saw people running towards me in panic. Omo!!! Reflex came into operation. I took my phone, my bag, turned off the engine and got out of the car in less than 5 seconds. I locked the car and abandoned it in the middle of the road as everybody else did and just followed the crowd into the bush. In my head I was thinking, I hope 'Blu Cantrel' doesn't get broken into or jacked because I would really hate to be walking or jumping okada in this Lagos especially in the rainy season. I ran as far away as I could because the gun shots could be heard from a distance. After a little over to 20 minutes, the cars seemed to start moving. I found my way back and got in but instead of driving straight through, I branched off on to the Lagoon School road in a bid to find an alternative route home. WHO THE HELL IS THE IDIOT WHO PLANNED LEKKI? WHAT A MORON!!(surprise, surprise... but aren't they all morons) It took me another 30 minutes to find a route to get home, eventually using a road that was not too far from the highways. It really made no difference because by now the vigilante boys in their reflector vests had come out with their guns and machetes. Still no police or operation sweep or whatever in sight. YET I SEE THEM EVERYDAY WEAVING THROUGH TRAFFIC WITH SIRENS BLARRING. BLOODY BAGGARS!!! I guess we are truly at the mercy of kind robbers now, whom we either have to TOAST so that they don't rob us (true story...happend to my friend). IMAGINE. Yardie and Fash (Gov. Tunde Fashola of Lagos) have their work cut out for them and right about now I'ld hat to be them because they'll get the blame even if it isn't their fault. Goodluck boys!!





IN THE NEWS THIS WEEK




Nigeria made history this week by electing the first woman speaker to the House of Representatives in the person of Patricia Olubunmi Etteh. (This is the position that had been speculated to have been reserved for Iyabo Obasanjo, the former first daughter)





And NEPA bosses are getting a Serious Warning from President Yar'adua. ENOUGH WITH THE EXCUSES PALS...Come up with a plan or 'get the phuck out' (not his exact word but you can infer that). And all the hommies say 'JUS GIMME THE LIGHT'





And that's all for now. I guess I must admit my rapper ego was the guest blogger today. If I can spare a moment this weekend, I'll be back with my '6 MONTHS IN LAGOS REVIEW'. Later peeps.







BY THE WAY HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DESMINA!!! I didn't forget, just kept forgetting to send an email when I log on and the battery in my old sprint cell phone is dead and I don't have a charger. So send me an email with your phone number.Love ya.