I Flabbergast Myself At Times
Indeed I certainly do and sometimes I question myself. Is it me being immature or just being oblivious? Or do I truly just enjoy cracking myself up. I guess one can agree with the latter as I try to entertain my self many at times. Yes I do talk to myself quite a bit. I may go as far as pulling out some characters and creating my very own movie scene. Ah yes, once in a while I try to throw in a bad Irish or Indian accent among other things. Not to mention my querky escapades and discoveries. Now this can be quite entertaining to my friends but nothing could prepare anyone not even myself for the comedies of this weekend.
The Car Wash and Bikini
It all staretd with my bid to get out of my depression phase form last week. See post below. I took the advice of a friend and decide to get out and do something. I decide to start by getting myself a bikini and attempting to wash my car. Sometimes I can take this harder chick thing to far. I have seen people washing case before. In fact that was the designated chore for my brothers. They would take turns waking up early in the morning to wash my dad's car before getting ready for school. This was after my dad fired all the drivers and said he wanted to enjoy his cars. You can imagine how that killed runs. It wasn't as if we had runs to begin with because our drivers, Uncle Dickson and then Uncle Basil, were my mother's stooges. He Good luck trying to bribe them. And have you ever heard of a driver that was given his own cane (whip) to discipline his masters kids. Only in my house did driver and house girl have power of master-pikin and you dare not disrespect your senior or talk back . That's double punishment. I have chopped sha. Not that it's anything but.... why must my own always be different. Anyways I set out to wash moto. I brought my bucket and soap and all, put in my naija mix cd and started jamming and lip synching to 2face, 2 head, 2 pac and 2 short etc etc. I proceeded to embark on washing the car. Why did, after two hours, the car still looked the same as when I had begun, only this time no dust. I had used car wax but I was so annoyed by all the streaks I was seeing on the car that I was tempted to go get some vegetable oil. After all back in day if you didn't have shoe polish you can shine your shoes with Oyoyo vegetable oil or vaseline for the bougie ones. Some charcoal robbed into the black leather with banana leaves can rival Kiwi any day anytime. After some contempating , I gave up and decided to go to the beach.
In my newly pruchased bikini I drove to Pismo Beach, which is by no means a Long Beach or South Beach. I mean what beach is still at 60 degrees in the middle of May. I was so upset and cold from all the breeze that I peaced out jare. I ended up back at my house with nothing to do but cook.
Garlic Bread, Baked Beans and Poulette
Let's just say I gained some junk in my trunck shall we. I ended up at home with nothing but food staring me in the face. I ate half a box of pasta, baked chicken, baked beans, garlic bread, half a bag of chips, and all the rest and not to mention teh Mcdonals Sausage Egg and BIscuit sandwiches that I ate al trhough last week. I know there are people who have been praying for me to get fat but ya'll can stop now. For real.
Sunday went by and on Monday I decide to go get my toe nails done. It had been six months already and lord were they crusty. As you all know by now, I am just not a girly girl, I just expel a facade of one. And I guess if I were , I would just know certain things, like the fact that that funny looking slipper like thing they give you at the nail shop aint really slippers. How about I left my shoes in the car and walked in to TJ Maxx with those thingys because my nails had not dried entirely. Can you imagine that stuff snapped and my behind was tip toing across the parking lot bare feet and holding some rainbow bright yellow flippyy-floppy-thingies. My days!!! as Singto would say. There was a little girl at the store who was jut tickled my my predicament. I even tried to get her to go get the shoes for me but her parents were like no. I don't blame them, I looked retarded.
OK so that wa snot really funny. BUt you wanna see funny? Check out the clip below. Found it on Yetty's site (see fave blog list) It is so freakingly hilarious that tears were 'pouring' outta my eyes when I was watching it. Just the first sentence spoken alone will get you in the stomach. You know that kind of laughter where you just hear 'choking' sounds. As in I have not laughed like this in a while, I believe since I saw 'Osuofia in London'. This actor needs to make a movie or compile all the clips from this character into one dvd and market it as Nollywood. Too funny. AN dthe part where he says "push her, puuuush her" Lol.. the guy must be a Nigerian himself. He is too good to have been just a hanger around nigerians. Oh My Gawd see for your selves what I mean http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s86HnJbp2qs (By the way is the actor a he or a she? I can't tell)