Monday, August 06, 2007

HOW ADDY WAS KOKOLETIZED BY THE KOKOMASTER

Officially A Kokolette



Indeed this is a case of 'Be Careful What You Wish For' and because of this I have to warn all you TATAFOs out there to seize and desist from leaking the gist of this blog to the relevant parties discussed. I mean sometimes you are not suposed to take everything I say so literally that my words begin to become actual true life manifestations.

So why did I become the butt of the joke at 'An Evening WIth D'Banj'. I know I said I wanted to be a Kokolette but did my initiation have to be in public. I mean I would have prefered to be Kokolettized anywhere else but on stage, with people pointing and laughing. OMG!!! I will not forgive the culprits of this 'Ground Will Not Open and Swallow Me Now' moment.



You don't know what the heck it is I am ranting about? Well lete me Pass the Koko to you.



So on July 28th 2007, Silverbird hosted 'An Evening with D'Banj' at the Banquet Hall of Eko Hotel and Suites to mark the 10th anniversary of Rhythm 93.7 FM. The day started first with me trying to make sure the winners of Addy's Free Tickets Giveaway gottheir tickets. I then went home to try to get dressed. My friend Ayisola helped me through a nightmare of changing from one otfit to another (Matilda can you believe, I have morphed into you, going through 5 outfits). I got to the venue on time to try to puppy dog my face to one free ticket. Just when I had thought I had escaped the paparazzi by pretending to be in deep conversation on the phone with my hair in my face, one of my three jolly bosses accosts me and you can imagine what was going on in Addy's head....DAMN! DAMN!! AND DOUBLE DAMN!!! At this point i just had to cheese a little hard. I thought this would be the end of it but little did I know what was 'in stock' for me.



Ik aka WildChild and Ali Baba played hosts and boy were they so funny. I didn't know Wildchild was that funny to carry a crowd of 'STIFFYS'. Yeah there were many 'huh, huh, huh' type people who are a bit 'up there'. As Ali Baba put it, 'A well Mannered Crowd'. Wel the whole I dea of the how was to have an interactive session with D'banj and ask him personal questions. People came with crazy questions like 'when last did you use the koko' (to which D'Banj answered, last night) and 'Knowing that Aids is real, do you use a raincoat/condom when using the Koko' 9he said yes) and other silly and funny questiosn that fans ask their stars. So Adaure and her big head, getting carried away with all the laughter and humor decides to ask her own question too. Forgetting that she is not a regular susie anymore by virtue of career path. Addy decided to also ask Dbanj a question. A question that I am sure has been burning in the minds of aspiring Kokolettes but they just could get a straight answer until now. I asked D'banj 'what do you really me when you say a kokollete must be gifted and talented' (you know how the song goes...owa gifted.. owa talented... yeah). Lord did I open a can of whoop ass on myself. First of all Wildchild by virtue of the fact that we are colleagues jumped at the opportunity to make me a scapegoat. He stretched and over stretched the question, tossing to Ali Baba who decided that D'Banj should come and show me what he means. D' Banj proceeded to come down from the stage and drag me on to SHOW me what he REALLY means by 'owa gifted.. owa talanted'. Chai!!! Walter's pikin has never felt so embarrased in this way since I wee-weed in my socks while on punishment in Staff School. D'banj proceeded to first taunt me by describing and alluding to my posteriors and dextiriors, the mammary glands and the arsenal factor or lack there of. I was red with shame, humiliation and shyness but I was laughing hard with tears almost fallins out of my eyes. I could not believe this was happening to me. The lights were also blinding and I felt I was in the middle of a Gestapo interrogation on Allo, Allo. Fortunately and thinking about it now, there was someone in the front row who I could see more clearly than anyone else, my friend's boss. I think I was able to see him because his bald head was deflecting the light. After assaulting me with his 'koko master gesticulations' (you can just imagine) he literally drags and pulls me back stage. You would think that would be the end of it....NOOOOOO!!!! Some one, another colleague decides to further compound my matter. Dbanj asked for three Silverbird Kokolettes. In my mind I was thinking, I hope this is notwhat I think it is. I whispered my fears to Isis and Roli of the Entertainment Weekly on STV fame... the other Silverbird Kokolettes that faced the likelihood of being kokoletized if things had gone as envisaged. D'banj asked Ben, our boss but he defered to Cecil Hammond, the Head of Silverbird Entertainment. Unfortunately for me, I was the closest and easiest to spot since I was wearing WHITE and so I was blindly honed on. AT first D'banj rejected me because he had already 'kokoletized' me and had my phone number. At this point I was like you know what, 'FUZZ IT'. I've already been embarrassed so I won't do any shakara and just present myself as a guinea pig for the Kokomaster. It wasn't as if saying no was going to help. I would look like a spoil sport and so I played along. I got on stage and did a few Yahoozee dance moves including 'the kpologo'.

So let's just say that you should not be surprised when in 9 months I announce the birth of 'Kokolettini' and 'D'banjerette'. Lol. If anyone attended the event please tell us what it was like from your vantage point. Also pictures will be most welcomed as I have not seen any from the show yet. This is probably a great assignment for Bella Naija.

4 comments:

Yetty said...

lol ....at least u had fun.....cant wait to see him in NY this weekend mehn!

Pink-satin said...

seems like u had fun!

Uzo said...

Hmmmm.....Well...Since i didnt win the tickets...I can just say....Well...it sounds like you had fun though

30+ said...

What is a kokolette? yep I know I don loss but give me the 411