Thursday, August 16, 2007

ON SLEEPING MY WAY TO THE TOP...

(It's a hard knock life and as you can see it wears me out...)



The Myth About Successful Nigerian Women

Before I begin, I would first like you guys to read the article in this month’s Genevieve Magazine on Funmi Iyanda called “Taking Charge”. Some of her responses tie in to some of what I have to say in this blog entry.

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I’ve always wanted the right opportunity to deal with this issue in my own time but unfortunately or fortunately a comment left in one of my posts last week compels me to treat this issue. The comment is from none other than our dear best friend ‘Anonymous’ who sometimes, and cowardly leaves nasty and spiteful messages on people’s blogs. I hope the amoeba of a person is reading so that he or she can see a mirror reflection of his or her stupidity, shallowness and ignorance through the computer screen. Here is the comment Anonymous left…

“We hear you are f*****g all 3 of the Bruces...is that true? They gave you a company house and car while your co workers don’t get either? You go Adaure...i knew you had more than beauty and brains. You also have Streetness.”

Ordinarily I would delete such a foolish comment or respond with the typical “do I need to respond to that?” or “I won’t dignify that comment with a response.” But interestingly this comment just played into my hands not just because of the nature but because I have been waiting for the opportunity to off-load on the true connotation and implication of comments like this (which I have been hearing since I was a child and continue to read in the papers) but didn’t quite find the right moment. It is truly sad (and I bet you it is other women who fuel and feed these kinds of rumors, further destroying the progress that some of us are making in Nigeria). Shame on you and all who peddle such without proof and fact and with the intent to bring people to disrepute. And for those women who do sleep/have slept their way through and you have fact and proof against them? So what? How does it concern you and how does it affect the price of tomatoes in the market. Please get a life my friend. The motto in the corporate world is and has always been 'the end justifies the means'. So stop hating and go get yours how ever you deem fit. I am sure there have been many interviews with leading women in Nigeria dealing with this issue, but in a recent interview in Encomium (sad, I read it, but only as part of work…u know keeping tabs on the Jones’s) Club Queen, Louise Priddy put’s it well when she says, “…they forget I’ve worked hard. I only just turned 30. I worked for 6 years and instead of giving praise for achieving the little that I have, they just write all sorts of things. You never hear them slugging other men off in the business; it’s always the young girl’s who are working hard and doing well. If you are working hard, female and single it’s almost a problem.” (And DHL just rang the doorbell to deliver my Platinum membership card to Bacchus…LOL)

I know we all love gist. In fact I have emailed the comment to a couple of my friends and we have had a good chuckle over it as we do with every other gist of this nature that we hear (Pretty much making an anthill out of a mole’s hole just because I can). So ya’ll please help me laugh at this rather ludicrous bit. But on second though and as my friend Ndidi says, these days you can’t swear for anyone because people are capable of things you never think to give them credit for. So who knows, may be my eyes have opened to the way things work in Nigeria, after all I have been in this country for 8 months so I should have picked up a few tricks here and there. Or could it be one of my alter egos going around behind my back and scoring some deals in the between the sheets. Damn you Carmen!! Remember what Santa said, ‘you’re not supposed to leave evidence behind, stupid’. That’s Carmen’s bad, sometimes she gets a bit generous and likes to think she is Mrs. Claus and not an ordinary Elf. The girl has ambition don’t you think. For anyone who’d like to get lessons please holler at me so I can show you the way. At this rate and going by recent reports, I should make Vice President of Silverbird TV by the time my contract is up for renegotiation. Dang if only I had negotiated the offer better in 2002, I just might have made Board of Trustees by now. Oh well, can’t cry over spilt milk, I just need to work with what God has endowed me with to get what I want and in the Nigerian context, that does not include my degree from University of North Carolina or the 10 year experience I have had with various media houses in the United States. Oh no, not at all. All I really need is a good demi-push up bra (like I need the extra help in that department), a pair of red stilettos, puckered up lips and talons to match, a hot skimpy dress and a packet of multicolored condoms to do the trick.(Wait a minute… that sounds like me on a Friday night…OOPS!! Scrap that!!)

Jokes aside ‘Anonymous’ could be one of three pathetic people; A lazy ass tabloid reporter, digging around for information especially with recent reports of some two month old stale gist. Haba! Mr. Pressman/Ms. Correspondent una too bam o. This my own gist is 8 months old so you should be fired for delivering stale gist like this. Anonymous could also be a bitter and jealous co-worker for whom I can’t but feel sorry for. This rumor actually started at the office before I had even spent a month there. There are other incredulous stories that I have heard that will make you bounce off the walls with laughter. Including one, or two that have a high school (ISL) twist to it and I shan’t get into that because it is WILD. As in people ask me these weird questions and I am like ‘Huh?’ and they go, ‘I thought they said…’ But that’s Nigeria for you though. Oddly enough I was warned about this and I expected it. Not saying that I have ‘made it’ or I’m taking trucks to the bank, but this person obviously doesn’t realize that in the corporate world, level pass level. Last time I checked people get employed based on how impressive their resume is or how large their personality is. And if I am going to transplant my life from another continent, don’t you think I would negotiate a strong and solid contract with all the necessary benefits to make it worth my while and comfortable a decision for me to make. You are very lucky I just have an ordinary $25k a year, UNC degree. What if I had a Harvard Business School degree? Ha!!! May be we’d be having your funeral because you would jump off Third Mainland Bridge if you hear about whatever that employment package would have contained. I would not only ask for corner office with ocean view, I would ask for a lagoon front house, fully serviced with a brand new Toyota Prado, 2 months paid vacation and an occasional ‘dubber’ every weekend (now that’s pimping). In fact with that kind of contract the Bruce Brother’s Three will be on vacation everyday because I’ll have everything under control. SHIIIIEEEETTTT!!!! LOL!!! I mean I can’t apologize for doing exactly what I was taught to do in college so wait till it’s time to get your contract renewed and ask for everything that Adaure gets. In fact ask for double since you probably are older than me and I’m just a small girl. And so that it doesn’t look like I am standing in the way of your progress I am wishing you GOODLUCK in that quest because you’ll need it. Finally, Anonymous might even be an acquaintance or a friend of an acquaintance. The ones who have beef with you but can’t stand up to your face and say what’s on their mind or deal with it. The Voltrons. Please state your mission…from where to where and how? Ha… see me see wahala.

If this person had even said ONE, this gist could have been plausible and believable, but all three of them? Haba…ntakiri muwa kwa (this little me again)? Hian….biko are you trying to kill me? Even the Akunakunas (Elebolo) from Sanusi Fafunwa have not done this time of Olympic Champion Marathon talk less of me. How can I juggle all that with my crazy hours and still be walking with straight legs. I’ll not only be in a wheel chair but the Lagos State Ambulance Service (LASAMBUS) will have to attach an ambulance to follow my car permanently and my bed would be a stretcher so that it can be easily wheeled out. HA HA HA….. I know I should not be making a joke out of it but I am just tickled that some people actually give me this much credit to even ask. As narcissistic as it sounds, I have to say that I am tripped. I have been making people burst into laughter over how dramatic I have been. Yeah…Totally going Drama Queen on this one.

This brings me finally to the question, why do many in Nigeria assume that successful Nigerian women, especially the young ones who attain high profile positions get there with their backs on the ground? This is not news because I have heard of many successful Nigerian women whose names have been muddied because say things like “I hear she is doing this minister and she got that contract by doing that senator”. What is up with that? Recently I got in an argument with an uninformed person about a successful under 30 chick. He claimed she got there with bottom power. If I hadn’t known of the particular contract that brought about the conversation, I may have been skeptical about defending her, but I knew and I was insulted by that statement and cursed the day light out of the guy that he felt small. Instead of applauding the young lady and giving her credit for being a shrewd business woman in a ruthless and aggressive environment they just drew their own shallow conclusion. Many of you may have even dealt with something similar to this; my friend bought a brand new car (which ain’t easy in Nigeria) and one day she was driving in traffic. As she was hustling to get in a lane some one yelled “Ashewo kuro lono ta lo fuen moto/ ta lo ra moto fuen (pardon my yoruba but it basically means, hooker get out the way, who gave you that car). I am sure many of you have unconsciously thought that when you’ve seen young women riding in big expensive cars. Even I do it and have begun to catch myself. We do sometimes tend to forget that may be they have a good job or their parents are rich and instead assume some champion godfather or aristo is sorting them out. I won’t be na├»ve and say there aren’t many who do that and fall into that category, after all in Nigeria philandering in a way of life for married men as they feel it is their God given right to have multiple women outside matrimony. They are not just good husbands; they say they are good Nigerian husbands because they still keep the original wife. Their wives tolerate it, young girls are taught to chase them because ‘small boys’ have nothing to offer and can’t take care of them and that it’s not that bad being a second wife. But that’s up for discussion another day. But back to the topic, several TV personalities and women in top positions in Nigeria have had to answer to/ ignore/ deal with questions/rumors of this nature that are rather insulting to our intelligence. I mean would I be doing my boss for a mere job of reading the news at a TV station that many in my profession outside Nigeria have never heard about. C’mon dawg… any idiot with an accent, pretty face and good speech could have gotten that job. Jobs like that are pedestrian in Nigeria. In many case you just have to have the ‘flare’ or have an inside connection. One thing that Nigerians need to get used to is that there are many of us young, intelligent and educated young women who will be flooding top positions in the country sooner than you can even think about it. We are everywhere now and we will be taking over more places. Gone are the days of flashing a boob and bending over to show our cleavage. No way Jose! And I’m not talking about the ‘madam’ types that come and occupy space in the office and bark orders around with nothing to show for it. Nope. The movement is long overdue and if you don’t know this now you better recognize and take note. There ain’t no stopping us with you nasty rumors and bellus yarns. STICKS and STONES baby….

34 comments:

Ladybrille said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ladybrille said...

Here, here to your writeup. Good looks, hard work and riding it all the way to the TOP = you have slept with most men to get there? OSHI, OSHI AND MORE OSHI!!!! Noicense and ingredients! Oshi o da ni ile pako! I'll admit that men do come 24/7 in all shapes sizes and ethnicities even in yankee and do try to promise heaven and earth but like I tell them all the time, don't get it twisted! If I am successful, it is on my own terms not because I slept with Mr. whatever. Thanks for dealing with this. The other concern for me is how we can begin protecting our women from sexual harassment in Nigeria so that they do not think they have to put out to get to the top. That reality exists and is a very grave one. That reality also exists in Yankee. I have dealt with that numerous times. It feels great to own your own. One less thing to worry about.

Ladybrille said...

BTW, Adaure, damn woman with the pic. U look beat up. What are the Bruces' doing to you. Tell them u need a VACATION!

Shaywun said...

na wa o! Not that it surprises me but come on, I thought people would have gotten tired of going down that route now. ahnahn what is it? How can you spend all that money (plus loans on top) to get a sound education so as to make it all the way to the top and people expect that one doesn't deserve what they get.

Did they not get the memo that you literally had to uproot ur life from the U.S and RELOCATE. Did they expect you to go back home and be selling guguru and ekpa? PLease o, let some people not carry curse on their head o. Keep up your good work jare and pop ur collar while u're at it!

Tutsy said...

ROTFLMAO.....Kai!!! na person chop yawa like this...lol.its too much!!!.....Damn, Anon she told you. Abeg just go kill yourself after you read this...So because the babe is a fast-tracker that means she dey sleep with oga for corner...you are one sorry ass mofo as in seriously, you are pathetic.

Omo you hit the nail right on the head o jare. You couldn't have said it better. I am glad you don't let such negative, stupid comments get to you. You played this one off like a pro that you are. I bet the comment was left by a jealous co-worker...a bitter, lazy, frustrated co-worker who gets off by hating on other people moving up the corporate ladder....NEWSFALSH DUDE: HATING AIN'T GONNA GET YOU ANYWHERE...If i know nothing about naija people, one thing i would bet my life on is how jealous and malicious they could be atimes. Naija people sabi hate....once they see u are doing better than thier sorry asses, they start chruning out stupid useless rumors....Its really sad that people delight so much pleasure in bringing others down.

Addy baby, you don't owe anyone a friggin' explanation. If them talk say you dey sleep with oga...na them wahala be that....if it got u up there, maybe the person should consider doing the same as supposed to opening thier dirty, nasty, disease infested mouth dey yarn nonsense. I no say u no dey send....like the words of Hova...."go on and dust your shoulder off"

mystoriesmytestimonies said...

let them talk....
u will keep going higher....
u have all it takes to get there....THE TOP.......
CEO, MD will be ur destination..
u will buy Adaure tv station one day ..
in Jesus name AMEN...

Olamide said...

Adaure, You don't know me, but I am very proud of you. I am proud of you for going for your dream and I love the fact that you are not letting any haterz get you down. As you know, naija is a hotbed of gossip and people's imaginations do run wild when things happen that they cant seem to comprehend. Of course, you have to be sleeping around to succeed, cuz the concept of hardwork is indeed foreign in a land where people move ahead due to connections only. Keep up the good work and keep dusting those haterz off.

Mamarita said...

VERY WELL SAID! Almost too well said :)

Chxta said...

Maybe I am voyeuristic, but I am actually beginning to enjoy the Anonymous Army and their visits. Makes for a pleasant laugh at the sheer malice and stupidity. My dear, you go on making progress and don't let any idiot weigh you down. One word summarises the ejaculations of the AA, ENVY!

o.a. said...

My dear, I have been reading your blog for a long time but let me drop my first comment:

"Don't mind them!"

I am proud of you and I know you will get to the very top. Just ignore them. People used to say worse things about me until they realised how futile their words were. While they kept peddling rumours, I kept working like a workhorse. I am under 30 and without blowing my trumpet, I am doing very well and it will only get better, God helping me.

I have NEVER slept/kissed/flirted/etc with any man for anything and believe me, I have had crazy offers! I sometimes laugh to myself on how some 'big' men shame themselves when they see a young woman. If I was evil, I would have made a fortune blackmailing some of these men! However, these 'big' men keep their sokoto zipped up when they realise they NEED my brains to help them get their businesses on track. Yes, I know my stuff. I didn't spend years topping my classes for nothing. I worked damn hard learning. Let haters go and do the same thing! Adaure, keep proving yourself and you will see how great you will become. Have faith.

As for the twit called "Anonymous", abeg ignore them. Chances are they are not 0.25% as intelligent as you are and the only consolation they have is their foul tongue and the evil called envy!

BOBBY said...

Adaure why do you pay attention to shit like this? WTF? ex it and keep moving.
Let the world say whatever they want, do you know how many people wanna be in your shoes. Girl please, you are all that and too much for this rubbish. Moderate all comments too please!

YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW the anonymous comments i get on my own blog. You will fly off the roof...lollllllll

Big girls do big things...small girls cant handle that

Finish!

Ekwi said...

I'm with bobby on this.

Always topped my class & quit listening to STUPID stories about me since undergrad. When I got into an Ivy-league and started a wall street job, I was realy tempted to ask them "ehn did I sleep with 'Oga/lecturer' for these too?"

These people are MIA when you are sweating blood and water to get to the top. Once you arrive there they will appear from nowhere.

Anonymous said...

I am woman hear me ROAR!!! Tell it like it is jo!

I'm tired of some anons give d rest of us a bad name.What alacrity, what nonsense, what ...ok words fail me.

Stay strong Sis.

-Anon wit sense

catwalq said...

Some of those anonymous commenters have a combined IQ of -0.5...

do your thing
and this goes out to all women out there struggling to realise their own dreams

Justme said...

im glad you addressed this especially for those of us in the media industry. I faced my own share of "haterism" when i first started my job.It got to a point where i went to the accounts section to collect my salary and someone made a snide remark like "You dont need it, after all, you are a BIG girl, you are taken care of".
Keep doing you jare!

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

im with bobby ont his one too o. dont u know athtw e all sleep our way to the top?? especially me with all my long legs?? i mean firget the fact that i have a first class and a dsitinction Msc. no o, in fact im sleeping my with my MD as i type. oshi. nonense. thunder fire all of them.

Uzo said...

Shucks...I heard this one as soon as i got my promotion a few months into being with my company when others who had been there for years hadnt moved an inch. Oh forget all that i had achieved before i came back home....Of course i had to be sleeping with the MD and all the AVPs and some other people tooo...

uknaija said...

Success is the best revenge, and the fact that they are talking about you means you're making an impact

filosofa said...

My first post... did this comment get to you or what! The whole idea of blogging is to allow free speech. If one or two haters spew their filth, it is more than balanced by the tons of positive or even sycophantic comments. Keep your cool, girl.

Buzz L. said...

LOL...anon, go chop sh*t and then f*ck yourself in the a$$ after that! Adaure...ignore the haters and keep flying!!

Kay said...

You should worry when people DON'T talk about you. When I encounter negativity, I remind myself that even Christ was hated on. Keep doing a great job!

JJ said...

What more can be said?? You've said it all wrapped nicely in humor. I had an almost similar conversation with a man yesterday and he said hardly will you find a woman who working because she wants to, only because she has to and i begged to differ on his point letting him realise that now more than ever there are many women riding the same waves as men now and they can't stop us!
Please keep doing what you do Ms. Adaure and let them keep talking behind your back...that's where they'll stay while watching you climb higher.

Suru said...

Now that's my Addy. You go girl!!! Such a wonderful response to a stupid and thoughtless comment. Obviously, the "anonymous" and every other idiot who says such things is jealous of you and you should take it as a big complement. You are a big girl now oh lol!!! Hmm soon your name will be in our soft sell tabloids...On a serious note, such comments are said by people who WISH they could do it but can't. Brush it off your shoulders ;-)

Soul said...

Keep doing what you do Adaure..
And I'm praying you get more from the company and damnit.. that you eventually get to be the big boss... the big kahuna.

There are many of us wh've been reading your chronicles from time.
It don't matter what they say.. just keep doing you jare.

Calabar Gal said...

Well said Adaure. Shame to all those anonymous haters.

B.F Paperstax said...

Maaaaaan! i wrote this loong comment and the network just messed me up.. we shall have to discuss in person. i mostly agree, i just want you to concede it goes both ways. I've been the object of some vicious rumours and i know many other guys that go through the same shh.as well

P.S Am I the only Man on this here WebLog??

tt said...

why is there hateration in blogsville lately?? haba !! ,
pple have time ..
please addy keep up the good work jare!!

Olu said...

Adaure
who posted before me
some creepy post
as for d haters
u kno d truth and thats what counts

Icy said...

Thumbs up on this write up. You are so right. It's sad though that we work hard and at the end of the day they ask who are you lying with? and how fast did you get here? Frankly it's annonying and down right insulting to our intelligence. Babz, brush the shege off. Focus on you. occassionally put them in their place. You got it right though. The movement is so ONNNN.. I can name 100 babz under 30 now that are doing it MAJORLY. So let the haters talk. You just stay true to you. RAWK ON!

Anonymous said...

"The movement is long overdue..." I love that, tell 'em please cause...we're taking over.

Isi said...

sad really. can't a woman make it own her own anymore? it's hard to swallow insults, but just keep moving on. don't let no one stop you!

Ultimate feminist said...

Nice one babes...we need more people like you. I love what you do.

Have you ever thought of deliberately mentoring young girls- 'Junior Achievement' style? Seriously though,I think you could impart a healthy dose of confidence and dwindle (or possibly exterminate) all 'Anonymous' species :)

...just a thought...xxx

Slim said...

Okay really, people still go down this lame route? I mean seriously? "Anonymous", the world has obviously moved on without you and my worry is that you may not catch up!

This is a true reflection of the depth of your intellect.

Big ups for all the women out there who are sweating it. We do not need to apologize for our successes and we wont. The men just need to get with the program and realize that the world is now ours!

I am soooooo in the process of documenting the achievements of young african women who do their bit and the challenges they face in a society that is so hostile and condescending. Anyone willing to help me out with this? email me lets talk adronke@gmail.com.

Adaure, more power to you and if you can, get more and more and more. That would definitely talk them out! And to all the women out there keep keeping on!

Mela said...

wao Adaure- i must say i well inspired by dis ur write-up.give us some tips on negotiating. i feel blown out- to come out of my shell. as for d haters- who gives a ..bout wot dey say.
Mela