ON SLEEPING MY WAY TO THE TOP...

(It's a hard knock life and as you can see it wears me out...)



The Myth About Successful Nigerian Women

Before I begin, I would first like you guys to read the article in this month’s Genevieve Magazine on Funmi Iyanda called “Taking Charge”. Some of her responses tie in to some of what I have to say in this blog entry.

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I’ve always wanted the right opportunity to deal with this issue in my own time but unfortunately or fortunately a comment left in one of my posts last week compels me to treat this issue. The comment is from none other than our dear best friend ‘Anonymous’ who sometimes, and cowardly leaves nasty and spiteful messages on people’s blogs. I hope the amoeba of a person is reading so that he or she can see a mirror reflection of his or her stupidity, shallowness and ignorance through the computer screen. Here is the comment Anonymous left…

“We hear you are f*****g all 3 of the Bruces...is that true? They gave you a company house and car while your co workers don’t get either? You go Adaure...i knew you had more than beauty and brains. You also have Streetness.”

Ordinarily I would delete such a foolish comment or respond with the typical “do I need to respond to that?” or “I won’t dignify that comment with a response.” But interestingly this comment just played into my hands not just because of the nature but because I have been waiting for the opportunity to off-load on the true connotation and implication of comments like this (which I have been hearing since I was a child and continue to read in the papers) but didn’t quite find the right moment. It is truly sad (and I bet you it is other women who fuel and feed these kinds of rumors, further destroying the progress that some of us are making in Nigeria). Shame on you and all who peddle such without proof and fact and with the intent to bring people to disrepute. And for those women who do sleep/have slept their way through and you have fact and proof against them? So what? How does it concern you and how does it affect the price of tomatoes in the market. Please get a life my friend. The motto in the corporate world is and has always been 'the end justifies the means'. So stop hating and go get yours how ever you deem fit. I am sure there have been many interviews with leading women in Nigeria dealing with this issue, but in a recent interview in Encomium (sad, I read it, but only as part of work…u know keeping tabs on the Jones’s) Club Queen, Louise Priddy put’s it well when she says, “…they forget I’ve worked hard. I only just turned 30. I worked for 6 years and instead of giving praise for achieving the little that I have, they just write all sorts of things. You never hear them slugging other men off in the business; it’s always the young girl’s who are working hard and doing well. If you are working hard, female and single it’s almost a problem.” (And DHL just rang the doorbell to deliver my Platinum membership card to Bacchus…LOL)

I know we all love gist. In fact I have emailed the comment to a couple of my friends and we have had a good chuckle over it as we do with every other gist of this nature that we hear (Pretty much making an anthill out of a mole’s hole just because I can). So ya’ll please help me laugh at this rather ludicrous bit. But on second though and as my friend Ndidi says, these days you can’t swear for anyone because people are capable of things you never think to give them credit for. So who knows, may be my eyes have opened to the way things work in Nigeria, after all I have been in this country for 8 months so I should have picked up a few tricks here and there. Or could it be one of my alter egos going around behind my back and scoring some deals in the between the sheets. Damn you Carmen!! Remember what Santa said, ‘you’re not supposed to leave evidence behind, stupid’. That’s Carmen’s bad, sometimes she gets a bit generous and likes to think she is Mrs. Claus and not an ordinary Elf. The girl has ambition don’t you think. For anyone who’d like to get lessons please holler at me so I can show you the way. At this rate and going by recent reports, I should make Vice President of Silverbird TV by the time my contract is up for renegotiation. Dang if only I had negotiated the offer better in 2002, I just might have made Board of Trustees by now. Oh well, can’t cry over spilt milk, I just need to work with what God has endowed me with to get what I want and in the Nigerian context, that does not include my degree from University of North Carolina or the 10 year experience I have had with various media houses in the United States. Oh no, not at all. All I really need is a good demi-push up bra (like I need the extra help in that department), a pair of red stilettos, puckered up lips and talons to match, a hot skimpy dress and a packet of multicolored condoms to do the trick.(Wait a minute… that sounds like me on a Friday night…OOPS!! Scrap that!!)

Jokes aside ‘Anonymous’ could be one of three pathetic people; A lazy ass tabloid reporter, digging around for information especially with recent reports of some two month old stale gist. Haba! Mr. Pressman/Ms. Correspondent una too bam o. This my own gist is 8 months old so you should be fired for delivering stale gist like this. Anonymous could also be a bitter and jealous co-worker for whom I can’t but feel sorry for. This rumor actually started at the office before I had even spent a month there. There are other incredulous stories that I have heard that will make you bounce off the walls with laughter. Including one, or two that have a high school (ISL) twist to it and I shan’t get into that because it is WILD. As in people ask me these weird questions and I am like ‘Huh?’ and they go, ‘I thought they said…’ But that’s Nigeria for you though. Oddly enough I was warned about this and I expected it. Not saying that I have ‘made it’ or I’m taking trucks to the bank, but this person obviously doesn’t realize that in the corporate world, level pass level. Last time I checked people get employed based on how impressive their resume is or how large their personality is. And if I am going to transplant my life from another continent, don’t you think I would negotiate a strong and solid contract with all the necessary benefits to make it worth my while and comfortable a decision for me to make. You are very lucky I just have an ordinary $25k a year, UNC degree. What if I had a Harvard Business School degree? Ha!!! May be we’d be having your funeral because you would jump off Third Mainland Bridge if you hear about whatever that employment package would have contained. I would not only ask for corner office with ocean view, I would ask for a lagoon front house, fully serviced with a brand new Toyota Prado, 2 months paid vacation and an occasional ‘dubber’ every weekend (now that’s pimping). In fact with that kind of contract the Bruce Brother’s Three will be on vacation everyday because I’ll have everything under control. SHIIIIEEEETTTT!!!! LOL!!! I mean I can’t apologize for doing exactly what I was taught to do in college so wait till it’s time to get your contract renewed and ask for everything that Adaure gets. In fact ask for double since you probably are older than me and I’m just a small girl. And so that it doesn’t look like I am standing in the way of your progress I am wishing you GOODLUCK in that quest because you’ll need it. Finally, Anonymous might even be an acquaintance or a friend of an acquaintance. The ones who have beef with you but can’t stand up to your face and say what’s on their mind or deal with it. The Voltrons. Please state your mission…from where to where and how? Ha… see me see wahala.

If this person had even said ONE, this gist could have been plausible and believable, but all three of them? Haba…ntakiri muwa kwa (this little me again)? Hian….biko are you trying to kill me? Even the Akunakunas (Elebolo) from Sanusi Fafunwa have not done this time of Olympic Champion Marathon talk less of me. How can I juggle all that with my crazy hours and still be walking with straight legs. I’ll not only be in a wheel chair but the Lagos State Ambulance Service (LASAMBUS) will have to attach an ambulance to follow my car permanently and my bed would be a stretcher so that it can be easily wheeled out. HA HA HA….. I know I should not be making a joke out of it but I am just tickled that some people actually give me this much credit to even ask. As narcissistic as it sounds, I have to say that I am tripped. I have been making people burst into laughter over how dramatic I have been. Yeah…Totally going Drama Queen on this one.

This brings me finally to the question, why do many in Nigeria assume that successful Nigerian women, especially the young ones who attain high profile positions get there with their backs on the ground? This is not news because I have heard of many successful Nigerian women whose names have been muddied because say things like “I hear she is doing this minister and she got that contract by doing that senator”. What is up with that? Recently I got in an argument with an uninformed person about a successful under 30 chick. He claimed she got there with bottom power. If I hadn’t known of the particular contract that brought about the conversation, I may have been skeptical about defending her, but I knew and I was insulted by that statement and cursed the day light out of the guy that he felt small. Instead of applauding the young lady and giving her credit for being a shrewd business woman in a ruthless and aggressive environment they just drew their own shallow conclusion. Many of you may have even dealt with something similar to this; my friend bought a brand new car (which ain’t easy in Nigeria) and one day she was driving in traffic. As she was hustling to get in a lane some one yelled “Ashewo kuro lono ta lo fuen moto/ ta lo ra moto fuen (pardon my yoruba but it basically means, hooker get out the way, who gave you that car). I am sure many of you have unconsciously thought that when you’ve seen young women riding in big expensive cars. Even I do it and have begun to catch myself. We do sometimes tend to forget that may be they have a good job or their parents are rich and instead assume some champion godfather or aristo is sorting them out. I won’t be naïve and say there aren’t many who do that and fall into that category, after all in Nigeria philandering in a way of life for married men as they feel it is their God given right to have multiple women outside matrimony. They are not just good husbands; they say they are good Nigerian husbands because they still keep the original wife. Their wives tolerate it, young girls are taught to chase them because ‘small boys’ have nothing to offer and can’t take care of them and that it’s not that bad being a second wife. But that’s up for discussion another day. But back to the topic, several TV personalities and women in top positions in Nigeria have had to answer to/ ignore/ deal with questions/rumors of this nature that are rather insulting to our intelligence. I mean would I be doing my boss for a mere job of reading the news at a TV station that many in my profession outside Nigeria have never heard about. C’mon dawg… any idiot with an accent, pretty face and good speech could have gotten that job. Jobs like that are pedestrian in Nigeria. In many case you just have to have the ‘flare’ or have an inside connection. One thing that Nigerians need to get used to is that there are many of us young, intelligent and educated young women who will be flooding top positions in the country sooner than you can even think about it. We are everywhere now and we will be taking over more places. Gone are the days of flashing a boob and bending over to show our cleavage. No way Jose! And I’m not talking about the ‘madam’ types that come and occupy space in the office and bark orders around with nothing to show for it. Nope. The movement is long overdue and if you don’t know this now you better recognize and take note. There ain’t no stopping us with you nasty rumors and bellus yarns. STICKS and STONES baby….