MY WHIRLWIND TOUR

Majella’s Wedding etc

As you all know already one of my best and oldest friends, Majella Caven got married in Detroit on October 6th. There was no way I was going to miss the wedding, work or not. I planned my vacation and personal errands in America around it. Unfortunately but also fortunately I became the stand by person for a work related event in LA (Hennessy Artistry) that some how by providence fell right into my planned vacation. Unfortunate for obvious and unforeseen reasons but also because the folks at the American Embassy in Lagos were there usual inconsiderate selves (telling folks to come and pick up visa on the day the reason they are traveling is happening. Whatever happened to express) and I’d rather be fabulous than slug a camera around in stilettos. Anyways everything worked out. We had fun in Detroit. It was great seeing my friends again and of course sharing a special moment with Majella. I was feeling like a star struck tourist in LA. Hennessy lodged our group (7 in all) at the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills. How about I rode in the same elevator with Andy Griffith. When he walked in (he is very old and was using a walker so it took forever for him to get in so we held the elevator for him) I exclaimed like a 5 year old, “Oh my Andy Griffith!!” And in his very recognizable and highly animated Mayberry Sheriff voice he was like “Oh Well hello there.” And of course we proceeded to tell him that we were from Nigeria and blah blah blah. I didn’t have any battery in my camera otherwise; I would have gotten off the elevator and taken a picture with him. That would have been totally awesome. Then as if we’d not had enough celebrity doses, we go to the lobby to get my key and look who’s standing in front of us in her gym clothes, skin looking all fresh like a baby. Mel B from the Spice Girls. I swear I thought this babe was tall but she is small and very tiny. Then we step out to hop into our van and there’s Larry Flint of Hustler magazine being wheeled into his Rolls Royce abi na Bentley. Ha, dey no gree for us at all. See if I had know, all the while that I was going to LA from Santa Barbara, I should have been coming over to the Four Seasons to eat a plate of salad or a bowl of fruits and OJ so that I can run into celebrities and take pictures. Lol. That sounds so jobless. Then I got dragged with the crowd to Disneyland and Universal Studios. It was actually fun but at the time I was so jet lagged and needed to be acquainting myself with a bed. Anyways, the whole thing got tired after a while and I got down graded to Ramada Inn after the event was over. Now had I not been at the Four Seasons, I would not have really cared, but I swear the Ramada looked creepy and dingy, like a murder could happen there any minute. I was freaking out the entire time that I actually had a nightmare that someone crept into my room with a knife. Yes I do get paranoid when I’m in hotel rooms by myself, even at the Four Seasons I had a paranoia fit, but this one was too vivid. Anyways I then left for North Carolina where there’s some semblance of sanity compared to Lagos. I know I complained and yapped NC all the time but country or not, ‘Nothing could be brighter than to be in Carolina in the morning.’ And I’m saying that without ‘Aladdin’s Lamp’.
I have been back in Lagos now for two weeks and I am only just getting the chance to upload pictures and blog. I could have done some of this while I was in America but when I say I had absolutely no time, I am not BSing. From Flying cross country, waking up early to do the events, running errands in between, driving back and forth from Charlotte to Durham, then from one Mall to another (Hmh, I had to get some ammo for those of you coming to do December considering the fact that I am now in the local champions league...is ok..odinma...anyi g'afu...we go see...lol). Oh did I mention sitting at the computer for nearly 12 hours attending online traffic school. How about I failed so many questions because I thought I was sharp. The people that set up the test were smarter. Insided the study literature section, they put in random things like the author's shoes size, pant size, father's name, mother's name, number of shirts e.t.c. And they fit it in random places so even if you know every thin in the driver's ed hand book you could not scale the test without reading everyline because of those stupid author trivias. And I am talking like 26 to 30 pages for each of the 4 sections of the test. This for the speeding ticket I got on the day I was leaving Santa Maria. I sent in the check when I got to LA because I knew I would not make court but I am sure I put the wrong address and they never got it so I had to pay $500 to get my license back etc etc drama drama drama. Anyways I am no longer WANTED (I hope it never went to that lol). But the break was WELL DESERVED. Oh before I forget, AVOID AIR FRANCE. The food is HORRIBLE. Trust me to eat everything because I am very 'food curious' (not greedy) especially when it comes to 'different' food. So obviously I agreed to eat everything that looked interesing on the menu. Keep in mind that it is in French. I agree plane food is not the best but at least it's a taste of the country that is hosting the flight. They brought Cavier, Roast bleeding duck, raw salmon, and some other mede-mede oyibo food. Their juices were just too sweet and the apple juice was WHITE. HA!?! Ok o...me I sha tasted this white apple juice sha. Then I started feeling funny. May be I should have brought along a cooler of Eba/ Amala and Egusi soup. I started downing bottles of water, going to the bathroom to pee it out, then my stomach started to bubble and I got hot. I started fanning myself and hugging the pillow. Meanwhile I am trying to maintain my composure before I disgrace myself and show that I should have been in coach class and avoided all their rubbish food. The plane started descending and my insides started moving too with the gravity. Men..see hot tears rolling down my eyes. I reached for the nearest puke-bag 'just in case'. At this point it wasn't like I could unbuckle my belt and go to the bathroom. Immediately we landed in Detroit I raised my hand showing the air hostess the puke-bag. She got the message and asked me to follow her. I was holding my breath because if I inhaled the cabin air everything would have just come out. I ran into the stall and people were just looking, I couldn't even close the door behind me before I hauled a nice one into the loo. One. Two. Three. Four. Five times. The duck o, the rabbit o, the fish babies, the apple tree, the loaf of bread o. Every darn thing I put in my mouth on the flight all came out. My goodness. I have never pued like that before. Anyways I learnt my lesson andon my return flight I ate well. The night before I had Eba and Ogbono, then I had some Bojangles Biscuit and Chicken for breakfast. At the Detroit Airport Ihad to wait for 6 hours. I had a nice chicken salad and had them wrap a turkey and tuna sandwich for me to take on to the plane. When they started serving food, I jejely brought out my sandwich and water. I rejected everything they gave me. Then on the flight from Paris to Lagos I ate nothing at all. Not even a glass of OJ. They started fretting over me to the point of irritation but I said no to everything. I think at some point they were now whispering to each other and they might have been suspecting I was a DRUG MULE. Apparently that's how they know those who smuggle drugs in their stomachs. They don't eat. I guess they did see me drining water so they did not get 'DRAMATIC' by pulling me aside and doing a cavity search. Anyways when we were landing, they had the landing on some monitor as if it was a movie......wwooooo we are landing in Nigeria. Hiss. You should have seen the look on my face when that tire touched down. Imagine having that feeling when you are coming back to your own country. Disappointing. The air host sitting in front of me laughed when he saw the look on my face and was like 'I can tell you want another vacation'.TU PENSE. Lol. Thta's supposed to be "You Think!?!" Anyways I can't wait to be off to another country.

Ok I won’t bore ya’ll with any long entry. Here are all the pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Majella’s Wedding

Juveniling in LA/ Disneyland

Would upload the Henny pix but they are loading at 8 in 24 hours and I have 167. So let's keep our fingers crossed.