Saturday, July 01, 2006

ARE YOU AN ADDICT TOO

It's better than Crack


They come in different flavours and colors and they melt in your mouth so divinely. I have a confession to make. I have been meaning to make this confession but I have been in denial. So today I am coming to terms with my addiction as the first step in curing myself.

My name is Adaure Achumba and I am addicted to Gummi Bears.

All day today I have not had anything to eat beacuse I have a bag of gummi bears right next to me. It is the last thing I eat before I sleep and the first thing I eat after brushing my teeth. I eat them all day at work and especially when I am stressed. Somedays when I am just too lazy to cook, which is two-thirds of the time, I shove a handful of gummi in my mouth and wash it down with a glass of water to balance the sugar level. Oh the sensation. It is better than you know what. When I dont have my gummi bears near by I begin to itch. I hadn't had them in a while since and so two weeks ago my actions in trying to get them proved that I needed help. I went to Walmart twice and they didn't have them and I was so upset. I ended up getting the store brand, the one you scoop from the little plastic containers. That's the worst kind, they taste so bad and they hurt my gums. So I managed that for two days. Unfortunately I had the last handful at like 9pm that night. How about I actually got dressed, got in my car and drove to Walmart to get a bag of gummis. I couldn't even wait to get to the cashier line before I opened it and started chewing. I thought to myself. Gosh Addy you really need therapy man. Then it happened again this week after I ran out of gummis. The cravings started coming and on my lunch break on Tuesday I went and got two bags and I tell you it is like crack. I just can't stop eating those things. I am chewing on them right now.
I know I am not the only one who is addicted. My friend Singto is also an addict, in fact she is the one who recruited me into the fold. Are you addicted to gummis and how can I stop because that stuff must be bad for you. I hope it wouldn't have to take me seeing gummi bears swimming in the toilet for me to know I need to quit. Hmh...thinking about it now I hope I don't see that because that will be really tear jerking. Imagine... just imagine

The Bowel Adventures of the Gummi Bears featuring Super Addy... an excerpt.

They had just been through an odious journey through the great stinky canal, but the misery was not over for the gummi bears .
Plop. You could see them, green, yellow, red and orange, swimming in the great white pool.
The big mean hand was reaching to pull the lever.
"Help!! Help!!" the poor sweet things cried in their little tiny voices.
"Please don't flsuh oh big mean hand."
But the big mean hand was just too darn mean.
"Flllllluuuuuuuusssshhhhhhh.... say goodbye gummi bears.. HA HA HA !!" The big mean voice of the big mean hand laughed loudly as the gummis cried for help.
Then suddenly...tan tantannnnnnaaaa naaaaaa. They look up in the air. No it's a bird...no it's a plane....no..no.. no... It's Super Addy.
Super Addy is coming to the rescue of the litt;e tiny gummi bears.
"I love Gummi bears and I have come to save them from the big mean hand," said Super Addy as she struck a pose in her Super Cape.
"Get away from the gummi bear you big mean hand."
"No never.. you will have to arm wrestle me before that can happen," said the big mean hand.
"Ok!?! so then what happens to the gumi bears, you did flush after you went right?"
"Yes I did but I have the power to pause the flushing. Some thing your fake superhero skinny butt knows nothing about. WOOO HAAAA." The big scary hand seemed to know a little bit of kung fu too.
"Ok then big mean hand, you are on, but I must warn you, do not under estimate the power of SUUUUPPPPERRR ADDY."
And so they began to arm wrestle.
Meanwhile the Gummis were still going round and round in circles. Arrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh!! You could hear them screaming. 'Help us Addy Save Us'
"I coming Gummi Bears, I am coming... just one more push and I'll teach this big mean hand a lesson." But the big mean hand was pretty strong.
"Wait A minute," said Super Addy. "I am a super hero, and I don't have to take orders from any body. I'm Super Adddyyyy"
Super Addy gave the big mean hand an upper cut, a hadoken, a flash kick and then a sonic boom... WHOOOO HHAAAAAAA. She learnt quite a bit from Ken and Ryu.
"You should have spent more time playing Street Fighters, big mean hand." Super Addy dusted her shoulders off and went to get the gummi bears out of the great white pool.
"Oh poor gummi bears are you ok?"
"Oh Thank you Super Addy. Thank you for saving us."
"Oh you are welcome, now I can wash you up, say a prayer and HAVE YOU FOR DINNER.. HA HA HA !!!"
"Oh no Super Addy is addicted to gummi bears too.. Arrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!"
THE END



10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hello, My name is $$$$$ and i'm addicted to G.B's. OMG, i cannot believe this. Guuuurrrlll i feel ya. I NEED TO MAKE A CONFESSION OOOOO "I AM ADDICTED TO GUMMIE BEARS" When i opened your blog and saw those gummies, i had to run to the kitchen to get my bag full of gummies. I agree, the thing is so addictive it's not funny. And of course i'm chewing on them right now. I don't know if there's is a way to stop the cravings, but girl if you find one Puhleeease let me know. This is my ritual of making sure i do not run out both at work and at home.

1. Always buy a bag when i visit walmart, which i do at least twice a week. No week goes by without me visiting "Wurlly's World" (my special name for wal-mart.
2. I have a zip lock bag that i store the gummies in and keep them refrigerated (i love mine cold)
3. As long as i refill my gallon sized ziploc bag every week, i'm in top shape.

This is my prescrition for not running out of Gummie Bears.

Your fellow addict in G.B's

Anonymous said...

One word...
PRAYER

You know it's bad when you imagine rescuing them from the toilet bowl and having them for dinner. Very funny story though.

kulutempa said...

Jesu! Biko, my own wasn't that bad, Adaure! STOP GETTING IN YOUR CAR TO GO TO WALMART!! And only buy a small bag if you must buy, then mise it...that's the only way to cure yourself. Dizzamn, girl!

Anonymous said...

Imagine being in a place where everybody says huh? when you mention gummie bears. My dear the quickest way to get over this addiction is to move to Lagos. Not only do they not exist but most people have no idea what the hell a gummie bear is. I used to be the walmart addict too, the walmart brand for 99c a bag is actually my fav.

Mari said...

I cant stop laughing. I might be in denial but I doubt if my love for gummy bears is as bad as y'alls. I LOVE the walmart 97c gummy bears and its alway a must-buy on my shopping list.

oo said...

Hah Adaure...have they sent you to expose the secret cult of Gummy bear lovers? Ah, my own addiction is sophisticated sha, y'know, the difference between "crack" and "cocaine" (Hi Whitney! :) No Wal-mart gummis for me, strickly Haribo Gold Bears or nuffin!

Secondly, and this is real important - is choosing the right packet in order to minimise the yellow gummis. I absolutely refuse to eat those unless I'm quite desperate (which happens when I'm completely out of gummis)but I digress.

The third and perhaps most important part of my "habit" is the order in which the gummis must be eaten. Green and White/Colorless gummis must be eaten together first, then the red and orange ones together and discard all yellows unless desperate :D
Hah, this is too much for me, I'm about to order a 5-pound bag from Amazon -- its even on sale sef. Hmmmm yummmmy gummmmmys!

gummi chic lover # 1

Heather Ferreira said...

An addict says...

Thoroughly addicted too. Hint: if Wal-Mart doesn't have your fix, go down the street to Walgreens.

WALGREENS *ALWAYS* HAS THEM. If you don't see them in the regular 5 oz. bag, turn 180 degrees in the aisle, look down at the shelf closest to the floor, and you will see 2 oz. minibags hidden there. Nobody ever thinks to look for these so they are your secret backup. Halleluiah.

Near Halloween many Walgreens also sell large bulk quantity bags of individually wrapped 1 oz. "nickel bags" of them. No, I don't do drugs. Haribo IS my drug! Argh!

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