Abeg Pass the Guguru and Epa(pop-corn and peanuts)
Well I'll be double darned. All of a sudden, just as I packed up my baggash and skipped town North Carolina decides that it won't be so boring anymore. Ain't that something. May be it's me because when I also moved out of Charlotte, that's when everybody moved in and the place became fun. How that came to be is still a 'wonderment' to me. To make matters more interesting, I am even playing my papparazzi role very well by taking some good notes and being an 'observationer'. Incase you missed the deluge that went down in the Naija-blogosphere, you are in luck because I am charging $10 per episode to bring you up to speed. Send me an email and I shall link you to my pay pal account. Once the funds have been deposited and verified, I will then proceed to email you the 'PG Rated' transcript. If you want the original version with the blackbook list you have to cough up $20 each. No 419 runs please. Breaking news***Someone just died of AIDS.
Let me kukuma just go ahead and confess. I am guilty as charged but also innocent. I don't like surprises and as I am seeing it, there's too much nyash-opening going on on the WWW. So therefores the charges against me include; 5 counts of Grand theft for gisting on company phone, copyright infringement, lifting of intellectual property, piracy and possibly profiteering ; 3 counts of libel for rumor mongering, promoting literature about whoremongering and gossiping on the clock; multiple counts of philandering, the victims being Tochukwu and Kenechukwu, their step brother Odinakachukwu, their cousins from their mother's side Oluwasoji, Oluwafaaji, Oluwadeji, Oluwabegi and their next door neighbors Haruna, Garuba, Usman who are friends with my exboyfriend Uwaisoken, whose ring I took and ran off with Senator Cheif Alhaji Chuks-Ade-Danladi whom I assasinated after he refused to buy me matching gold shoe for our son's naming ceremony...the son that doesn't belong to him, but the ameircan oil expat. Alhaji thought the child was Albino. So before any Koba'ing and casting, any 'weta k'egbuo' (bring am make we kill) and stoning, I have gone ahead and let the secret out and casted myself, so I guess I can now jump inside the lagoon. In fact where is the wall sef, lemme go and bang my head. LOL.
I know it aint my business and nobody died and made me ms. saint-holier-than-thou, but on a more serious note and all jokes and differences aside, this blogging about beef, vendetta and love-gone-awry is getting a bit out of hand. Ya'll know yourselves and if you like you can reign abuses on my head, I could care less. But ya'll are taking the fun and laughs out of this whole blog-ring thingy and it's getting a bit too dicey and dangerous. I know we all love drama, laugh and live vicariously through it some times but sorry to play Voltron Defender of the Universe, someone needs to put an end to this crap. I mean settle your scores amicably, limit it to the blogs after all ain't ya'll supposed to be strong enough to take the heat. We all have beef and lead our own secret lives but dragging other people into your lovers quarrel, actually the whole damn country, getting physical, breaking doors or calling cops...uhn uhn... now ya'll know that's gone waaayy tooooooo far. OGINI!!!! I mean I was laughing but now I have stopped because it's not funny any more. For goodness sakes isn't there a child in the middle of all this probably witnessing the rollercoaster of emotions. And then what's next? Some body slashes tires, stalking, restraining orders or God forbids, buys a gun and shoots some one up. Seriously c'mon now people, be bashful and exercise some decorum or even have some shame and dignity. If not for yourselves but for the fact that pastor and pastor mrs have read and heard all this crap. For Shame....YOU ARE GROWN FOLKS and right about now you are looking VERY VERY VERY SILLY, IMMATURE AND BITTER. It's quite disheartening but I hope everyone witnessing learns a very good lesson from all this. Moral of all this(can't believe I'm saying this) SUPPORT CELIBACY and ABSTINENCE--Girls, fachie n'opa (seal, plug and close the legs) Boys 'fanyenu amu na trussis' (stick the stick in the trouser and zip that crap up). It's not worth the trouble, the heartache and as you can see the embarassment. My 2 kobo yarns ... a word is enough for the wise...ya'll can take it however you want. I'm chilling in Hollywood. Best Wishes and World Peace!!