What Are Your Intentions for this Man, Johny?
Na Wa For Waya!!!!
My peoples, America's Next Top Model is really getting interesting, as in did anybody Tivo this show. Before I commence with my commentary, I say jam your hands together in a big round of applause for Nnenna, the gorimapa-african-queen-chemist- top-model. Na You Biko!!!! Abeg make una find me 'Triple Crown' and 'Alligator razor' for dia, I am going to shave my head bald now.
First of all let me give a warning to all you eager readers. I appreciate the fact that you read these wrap ups, but just keep in mind that I am on the West Coast and don't get to see the show till midnight eastern time. How about I got home and someone had already sent me an email giving away the show. Abeg take time oh, that was some 'eregele o' (rough play).
So in the first quarter of the show, Nnenna is talking with her boyfriend oh. Hmh, I was hoping to hear her speaking some Igbo with one nna-bros and for her to say 'Chukwuemeka is my boyfriend'. How about we got introduced to 'John', a very very white boy. Not that there is anything wrong with her dating a white man. Mba, not at all, that is not my gripe. My gripe is that the girl dey bold o. She no fear bring am comot for sun. I mean you usually don't do that until the wedding is nigh, especially because that will leave him out for the lynch mob of sharks that are now sending palm wine and emissaries to Ofe-Uzo. On top of that she was saying 'I love you' any how. Anyways na oyinbo, you tell them that and they tell you 'I love you too... I love you more'. If that was an Aba or Onitsha boy he would have said 'C'mon shurrup dia, ya mouth like yen yen yen...lovukwa your head."
My initial shock and beef with her quickly faded when the guy tried to bring their personal story to the tv show. I mean like a good nigerian woman would do, she calmly told him she would see him at home, but the guy became heady and had to ask 'What are you intentions for this man?' Not that he was stern, he was all whipped. Come see as my sister take phone bang on top John head. I mean I was just jumping and shouting 'Daz ma gialu and she don tek no nonsense.' Serves him right, as if it is Nnenna that will buy ring and put on his finger to ask him to marry her. See mouth like 'what are your intentions?' Abeg bring telephone pole too let me help bang his head.
Then he tried to get all pissy about her kissing the male model. Like 'dude' freaking chill the hell out, she is working to get paid and you are crying over one tiny no-tongue kiss. If the guy was serious and not just playing along for the drama, I would hope he has gotten himslef together. Meanwhile I wish them luck oh, It is not easy at all.
But come oh, this Nnenna that we have been saying is quiet, see as the girl just flip script. She must have been drinking 'Ovaltine' cos she 'over do' . They say empty barrels make the loudest noise, so you can imagine what that girl has in store for us in the coming shows.
I don't know who picks the picture though, but I was hoping for the one where the cape was blowing in the wind. They picked a very boring picture and pose with not much variation in what they present.
That being said, Nnenna RAWKED THIS WEEK. She is the competition and I have no doubt she will win. I would love to raid her new closet, even though it is only Sears. Shooo, that would save me a lot of money on sending my nice clothes home to my sisters. Her editorials were really good and she really showed everybody up and stepped the game up. Jade seems like she is getting pissed about that now. Jade's all talk and no game but Nnenna doesn't need to toot her own horn. So Nne, Omalicha fine bebe, if you happen to read this, Biko hook a sister up with a ticket to the finale party. I am going to dig up my giant Nigerian flag so I can wave it for the paparazzi.
Anyways these are the pictures. For those of you who saw the show, please share your reaction. I tried to take notes, but I was too excited with laughter to write.
Meanwhile my April-Turtle-Mobile-News-Van broke down on Monday. Luckily for me it was not while I was driving. The poor thing refused to start in the morning. So I rented a red kia from enterprise. How about the funniest and strangest thing happened. I can home today after I branched at someones house. My coworker was having a 'party lights' party. Basically they were trying to sell candles to me. My people help me laugh small. What kind of candle is it that I am buying that should cost $20. Candle kwa? Is it blessed by the Pope from Rome or from the Queen for that matter. Anyways as I was branching back out to go home, I got into the car. The car was still red and definitely the same one that I arrived in. BUt when I got to my house and cam out of the car, the car was not red but BLACK. OMG is literally what came out of my mouth. I thought I had taken another persons vehicle, hence commited grand theft auto. I paniced for a minute and looked at my key. Could Iit be possible that I had a master key that could open a different car. I shined my eyes and looked at the car well well. The thing was black o. I already had my phone in my hand ready to call 9-1-1. I walked around the car to check the license plate and the make and model of the car. I was like, my eyes is doing some magic. Then I looked in the glove compartment for my contract and it was in there. I laughed and heaved a huge sigh of relief. That was a rather close call. I haven't been in California long enough and I am already having these kind sof moments. I wonder what will happen in the summer when the sun comes out and starts frying my brain.