Monday, June 19, 2006

CONFESSIONS OF A WEDDING WEBSITE STALKER II

Will She or Won't She...Kneel To Feed The Cake That Is

The wedding season is in full swing and the various wedding websites that I have been stalking (ya'll have too) are being updated with radiant photographs of a very festive event. Some of the moments captured in the pictures got my friend and I into an interesting conversation. We have had this conversation before and I have with other friends, but this time it was pretty different. At issue why some Nigerian women chose to kneel when feeding their new husbands the cake and why some at the wedding put pressure on the woman to kneel. It is interesting how sometimes when I go to Nigerian weddings, I place a bet with someone one whether the bride will kneel or not. Usually we just reach a consensus that she will kneel but deep in my heart I am crossing my heart and saying a silent prayer, hoping that she won't kneel. When she does, in that white, tulle filled $2000 dress, my heart sinks and I'm like, "Darn, how much more knife wounds can the feminist movement take?' I am sure it is personal preference and mostly cultural. Some quote Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18 as the basis and the final word on kneeling while others say it is a sign of showing love and respect. don't need to tell you what my opinion is and where I stand on the issue, if at all it is an issue. That's already very obvious. My friend Beedee has been to a number of weddings and she's begun to inquire about this and has been talking to a number of relatives and friends. Here's a write up from Beedee and a response from some one she talked to. Please feel free to share your opinion in the comment section as I am sure this is the invisible Elephant in the room at many weddings and for many brides and single ladies 'aspiring' to be brides (I use the word aspire sarcastically as some equate getting married with getting a degree...like after you graduate from college the nest question you get bombarded with is not just 'when are yo getting your masters" but 'when are you getting married'). I would especially love to hear from former brides who knelt or didn't kneel and if this was even an issue.

Meanwhile here are some more websites to whet your appetite (Just added a few more sites that were posted in the comment section of part one and sent to me by email. Go Crazy!!! Meanwhile make sure you are taking notes because at the end of the season we will pick the winner. I will have to disqualify Deola and Hakeem of http://www.adeolawedshakeem.com on a tehcnicality for being too BAM!!! Just like I'ld love to disqualify Brazil from further World Cups. Anyways send your links and pick your faves.... Don't we just love weddings)

http://rhynaandbj.com/rhynaandbj.html
http://www.yemisisandyemi.com/
http://www.gbemiandbunmi.com/
http://www.sarahandbodunde.com/
http://www.yemiwedstayo.com/
http://www.suzzanneandtosin.com/
http://www.chiandejike.com/chiandejike.html
http://www.ayoandseun.com/
http://www.mojiandgbolahan.com
http://www.davidandbisola.com
http://www.emekaputsngozifirst.com
http://www.seunandgrace.com
http://http://www.ojiandezinne.com/
http://http://www.joywedsitoro.com/
http://http://www.ayoandseun.com/
http://adaurewedsjohnlegend.com :)
http://www.bunmiandsegun.com
http://www.dianddee.com
http://http://www.emeliandmuyi.com/


To Kneel Or Not To Kneel
by Beedee
Weddings are one of my favorite events to attend. As a single gal, weddings give me hope that there really is someone out there for everyone. Also they give me an opportunity to dream of my own wedding, what I will emulate and things I will totally avoid.
The wedding ceremony is usually a breeze (gone are the days of lengthy church services), some people skip the ceremony itself and only show up at the reception. I don't think that is respectful to the bride and the groom. The reception is often times the bride's main focus. Most of the wedding budget aside from the honeymoon is spent on the reception and this is where a wedding planner comes in very handy.
Wedding receptions are packed with activities from the first dance to the bouquet and garter too to the cake-cutting. The cake-cutting part of the reception is where my attention is fully focused on the newly weds. This is the time when I put on my gambler hat and begin to place my bet on whether the bride will kneel or not kneel to feed her husband a piece of their wedding cake. My bet is based on the demeanor of the bride, her personality and the person officiating the cutting of the cake termed cake-cutting officiant for the purpose of this article. If the officiant is an elderly person, He or she usually initiates the kneeling act with comments such as "Now show your husband that your parents (family) raised you properly' or 'You will kneel down and feed your husband'. Sometimes the bride is not asked to kneel but her knees hit the ground as if on cue. Some brides do this to avoid being specifically told to get on their knees. I have noticed this phenomenon at Yoruba weddings where the bride or groom or both come from the Yoruba ethnic group. I am not sure when this culture was adopted or whether it is symbolic to the word Submission. A very popular Bible verse about wives submitting to their husbands can be found in the Ephesians, chapter 5 verse 22.
I am curious though as to why a woman has to get on her knees to show her man that she respects him or that she is even submissive. I conducted an informal survey among my male and female friends to get their thoughts on this issue. Most guys do not really care about it and think that it is just part of our culture, they do not see anything wrong with it because and I quote one of my male friends she will not be kneeling down to feed me for the rest of her life, it's just a one-time thing. Some of my female friends think it is alright and it is just one of the formalities during the reception and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it as long as they just have to do it one which will be the first and last time. Other friends believe that is a no-no and there will be no kneeling in their white gowns, all kneeling would be done at the traditional wedding/engagement.
I am not sure whether a generally acceptable reason would be given to encourage all women to kneel down to feed their husbands their wedding cakes, all I can say is to each (bride) her own


WHY WOMEN SHOULD KNEEL & WHY MARRIAGE IS A SHAM!
By One Guy Like That
A good friend of mine raised a very good question regarding kneeling down to feed your husband cake at the wedding. There are I believe a few good reasons why women should kneel. Firstly, there is one thing called Humility. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman being humble enough to get on her knees and feed her husband the cake. Women get caught up in this independent self pride that really takes them no where. I personally do not care if we eat cake talk less of you feeding me cake on your knees, but its worthy to note that it is a sign of respect to your husband (some deserve, some don't) and the institution of marriage (if such an institution still exist). It also shows respect to your family and in-laws and tradition.
Ephesians 5 (22) says to submitting to your husband, which I think is still a valid thing these days. The fact is marriage, like weddings, has lost its importance in society today. It has become a day you spend tons of money to feed a bunch of people you don't like (they don't like you either) and smile a whole lot. It's about compromise, a business partnership, two people who stand each others s*** for a few years. It has become a shameless parade of men looking for women who will shut up and put up with their s*** and women who will be their wives and pretend life is wonderful. Then you have kids and stay together for their sake, while the men entertain themselves outside and the women focus on their kids and careers and church to keep themselves occupied and happy in their deceitful lives.
Most men and women marry for the wrong reasons, women play around until their mid to late twenties then become desperate to get married. All this while, they've been looking for Mr. Right. Guess what there no Mr. Right is! Men on the other hand are busy trying to make money buy the house the nice car to become more attractive to the ladies. What was wrong with you in your one bedroom roach infested apartment? Nothing! But fact is we are all material empty baskets, we judge each other by what you drive, where you live, how much you make, career blah blah blah. There is no real substance to how we interact, how we judge each other etc. So ladies if you want to kneel down do it, if you do not want to don't but I guarantee you, your in-laws won't forget it!
Finally in closing I personally do not think it's important or necessary for women to kneel and feed the husband cake. But I also take issue with arrogant women who feel they are too big to kneel, when you know damn well you have been on your knees several times before you wedding day! (Now that one gets the Addy 'Ouch!' award )


POST AWAY YOUR COMMENTS

129 comments:

Mphahlele said...

ooooooooooooooooooh wedding sites part 2!
i havent read the blog yet but i'm too excited so i'm commenting! LOL
sheesh am i sad or what!

Mphahlele said...

okay i'm back. kneeling? i didn't know women had to kneel to feed cake to their husbands!
me i havent seen that one before oh!
but then again i havent been to that many nigerian weddings.
but then again i am young! LOL no no i dont mean that in a bad way i mean i am young when it comes to knowing details of marriages and all dat.

yeah i dont think it's cool they have to kneel now ah ah.

TaureanMinx said...

At he trad wedding yes, at the White wedding??????? Nah mate. Its not about feeling too big, its about peeps taking this submissive stuff toooo damn far! Fine its been ingrained into our culture and so more than likely for such to occur at the traditional wedding but I'm sorry I don't see the point at the white wedding. Woe betide anyone who makes me kneel in my white glory!!!!!

Also in the Benin traditional wedding, the female sits on the males lap. I don't recall any form of kneeling apart from greeting hers and his parents and getting prayers and blessings and such. But then again we aren't that submissive. I'll give u an update when I get back from my cousins wedding.

Anonymous said...

This is one issue that really gets me. I too go to weddings and I am waiting to see whether or not the bride is going to kneel to feed her husband cake. I have seen it in so many weddings and it really gets me. I was actually eagerly waiting at my wedding for someone to ask me to go on my knees but it didn't happen thank God, so I didn't have the opportunity to display any bad behavior on my wedding day. I do not believe that kneeling shows u are humble cos a bride kneeling down for her husband at her wedding does not mean she will keep doing that, it doesn't make her more respectful, humble, better behaved or show that she will be a better wife. I think it is just for show and it is really unecessary show. As a christian woman I believe in being submissive to my husband, respecting him and honoring him as the head of our home but I don't believe that includes kneeling to feed him. I never saw my mother kneel before my father all my life. Don't start what you can't keep up with, kneel if you know you are going to keep doing it but don't do it just to please the people present at your wedding ceremony.

kulutempa said...

that guy's article was such shyte, man, and i'm sick and tired of people only quoting parts of the Bible the just so happen to suit their agenda and leaving out parts that don't. for crying out loud, that same Ephesians says husbands should hand themselves over to their wives, but you never hear anyone talking about that part, do you?? i wish somebody would tell me to kneel before anyone, traditional wedding or not. if you're not God, my knees are not touching any nonsense ground. bovine excrement! then again, if my husband kneels to feed me cake, then we might have a compromise on our hands!

beautyinbaltimore said...

I love the second opinion. It is so on point. Most people who are married are really not happy. They just do it because society tells them it is the right thing to do. To many men run around after they are married instead of doing their whoring around before getting married. Women try to act as if they are happy when the whole time the are miserable. Oh, one more thing, there are women who do not suck dick.

averagedrinker said...

feeding the husband with a slice of cake is part of every wedding. it's nice and it's a symbolism for partnership and saving each other's ass if anyone of them gets assed off.lol!but seriously, kneeling before your husband is not a bad thing at all. a newly wed friend of mine from webdatedotcom that she's ready to serve his husband for the rest of her life. i don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Nneka's World said...

Adaure, you have come again oh, now i will spend the rest of the day looking at these sites! Lol!

Anyway i have not heard of kneeling at the white wedding too feed him cake, the only one i know is the traditional wedding.
Kneeling ke at my white wedding to feed cake, look that one is not in my dictionary and as most of the commenters have rightly pointed out, i dont see that as a sign of humility! Humility in my opinion is respect and knowing that the man is the head of the house and all that, not kneeling down. Imagine after stuffing yourself in your wedding dress, being tied into it and the only thing you can manage to do in the dress is walk and possibly sit down, they would add kneeling down part?!
Feeding them a slice of cake is not a problem, you can sit down or stand up to do that one now

Onada said...

more websites to keep me busy!!

Anonymous said...

Girl,
Thanks!!!!!!! You see how I started shining my 32 when I saw Weddings Part 2 -I cant wait to start visiting the site.

Oh and I totally agree with you on the kneeling thing - none of that!

Oyin said...

Adaure,
You should have framed this argument well. The kneeling to feed the husband cake happens majorly in Yoruba weddings as as you know, we kneel to greet and as a sign of respect and humility (it may have been picked up by other cultures, but thats where it stems from for us)...
As for me, I believe it should be up to the bride and no one else. My aunt did it while she was saying her vows(and not suring the eating of the cake) and it was the most beautiful thing because we knew her to be extra independent and a feminist. She did it because she loved her husband and wanted to show him in a SYMBOLIC way that she will be true to him and respect him(either that or her legs most have been killing her from all that standing..lol)
However, my brother said something interesting after the weddng..he said and I quote "men, if i were him, I would have joined her on the floor and said my vows there"...I guess whats missing is a reciprocation of the same gesture.
Wouldn't it be interesting if the guy prostrated(dobale) to the female while he said his vows...
As for that poor guy who would never know the joys, heartaches and blessings of marriage because of his views, I'll bump him up on my prayer list..to number 99..lol.

Mo said...

Like Oyin rightly said, kneeling down is a Yoruba way of showing respect, as such, you'll mostly see this happen at Yoruba weddings. To buttress my point, the pple who said they've never seen that done b4 are mostly non-Yorubas, and that's fine. But as a yoruba woman, I really dont see anything wrong with it. Its purely symbolic. It doesnt mean I'll be kneeling down for the rest of my life for my husband but that I'm "willing" to show him respect and all that. This is one of the places where culture clashes with feminism and pple take it too far. The kneeling part lasts for 5 sec max and it wont do any damage to ur dress, no matter how delicate/expensive, haba!! If you don't like it, fine, but pls, do not castigate the practice or look upon pple who do it as being foolish...to each his own!

somborri said...

lol looking at both sides of the argument and being yoruba myself, i see where the whole culture thing comes from. but its gonna be my choice and right now im not kneeling anywhere in my white (then again im planning to elope and wedding websites just want to spoil my plan). kneeling during my engagement well and good, i accept tradition, but the white wedding is about the church so abeg leave tradition in your boot.

lastly, no matter my choice if the MC or officiant or whatever even hints at kneeling down during my wedding, i wont do it again...ahn ahn haba...same ppl that will come and disturb you to be having children and trust me im very good at creating scenes lol

Anonymous said...

i ahd a friend who was soooo disturbed because the woman didnt kneel. In the 21st centuary sha! I refuse to kneel. Women lets start a revolution. hehehhehe

Anonymous said...

i dont know. these sets of wedding sites didnt really appeal to me..

Anonymous said...

Is it me or is everyone in ATL getting married and is Banke Adeniran a match maker or what. May be I shud just pack m bags and move to ATL cuz the men there seem to be willing to commit..:0
My fave of the bunch is suzanne and tosin& ryhna and bj

Adaure said...

FOR REALLL!!!! BANKE ADENIRAN IS THE TO-GET-MARRIED-GO-TO BABE!!!A REAL 'HOOKUPPER'..LOL... I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING TOO. SHE NEEDS TO START GETING ROYALTIES ON THESE MATCH MAKINGS MEN..... Will be back with other commentaries

Iyawo said...

yay..we get to critic the websites too? I too will be back to chew the fat and cut it up!..going back to the websites to view with my trusty microscope and going to orbitz to find me a ticket to ATLANTA!

Voltron said...

Is it just me but..I Think Deola and Hakeem got this wedding website thing on lock!

Anonymous said...

abeg my sister I just luv weddings thanks for showing this!! check out these wedding favors sha my day is comming oh
! amen!

http://www.dcsoiree.com

Bijouxoxo said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dami Odugbesan said...

PEOPLE!!
just landed smack in the middle of this! Adaure, dare told me to check your site out, you got me on the wedding sites since March.
This kneeling down thing is driving me CRAZY!! cos my boo and i are having an argument about this right about now as in he just called me at work now to' finish waht we were talking about' Let me give you an insight...

me: 'but baby, what does me kneeling sown mean, signify?"

him:' it personally doesn't mean anything to me but are you saying if the MC asks you yo do it, you wont? in front of every one?'

me: "waht kind of the fake MC is that? Between the two of us, irespect you like mad, and i'm submissive, since i don't say anything when we get lost while driving! I love you but i'm not kneeling down,sorry'

him: no answer
me: baby are you there?
him: no answer
me: ok fine, if YOU want me to kneel down to feed you cake, say so and i'll do it even though i have no idea why you'ld want me to"
him: "dami, just do what you want, i know if you kneel down, you won't mean it any way, can we change the topic please?"

PEOPLE, this conversation took place less than an hour ago, as in 12.30pm, Lagos time, Wed,21st june,2206.
We will see what happens at our reception but have it on record that i am anti kneeling, i agree with the person who says all that and more would have been done at the engagement, including the ridiculous practice of sitting on ur inlaws' laps, when did that one start?
On the flipside,my baby said how would i feel if he didn't 'dobale' at the engagement? Ladies? pls help out, i know i've not heard the last of this 'peer/male/cultural pressure matter.. shhh my cell is ringing, has he changed his mind? is he calling to say its now ok for me to decide if i feel like kneeling at my 'own' reception?
Damilola

Adaure said...

AWWWW GIRL YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED YEAAAAH!!!! How come i'm now finding out. I hope it is in December.
I can so see this arguement playing out. So much pressure.

Yetty said...

Thats interesting I've never thought about it until I just read your blog. As a yoruba girl it's sorta part of the culture and I seriously see it as humility.. women of nowadays omo it takes a lot to bend but I have realized that when you love someone I mean deeply, you look forward to serving them (dang did I just say that) okay I'm not of sound mind at this moment lol. But see men Kneel to propose, women kneel to feed. You can't beat that.. lol! Granted men only propose on one knee they look cuter than way.. 2 knees and you know they've done something wrong... But I digress loL! So at some point we are both sacrificing a part of our humble self.. So yes I will kneel for my husband :) dang with this your post I might re-consider....OOO ADAURE what have u plugged into my brain now o!!!! oooo this is not kool lol!

Anonymous said...

to kneel or not to kneel...??

Seriously, what does it really matter?? Does the fact that you knelt down infront of 500 people, most of which you are never going to see again, add to you or take anything away from you or your marriage?? I don't think so. In my opinion or the "rituals" that we put ourselves through for these wedding ceremonies really don't matter much to the couple (or at least I don't think it should). As far as I'm concerend, after the actual ceremony where the couple are pronounced "Husband and Wife," everything else is to keep all the parents, inlaws, numerous aunties and uncles happy and give them a chance to squander away some of their hard earned money. For all I care if someone wants me to stand on my head while I feed my husband the cake I'll do it....let's just get the reception over with and move on to more important things.
Bottom line is if there is some "IYAILEOKAN" (sorry I'm not sure what you'll call those kind of women in English) in your crowd, and you think by kneeling down you'll spare her five minutes of running her mouth (or their mouths as the case maybe) just do it, let everybody go home happy...you'll go home with your husband and do with him as you please, afterall he's now officially yours to...

Voltron said...

ADAURE!!! HAHAHAH you got me! I came back to see what was up with the Wedding Website Stalker (WWS)and lo and behold she has her own website. i wasted no time on clicking on it until i zeroed in on the John Legend part of it.. You really got me! Okay, okay Hakeem and Deola are out of it! we will see what the newbie websites have to offer.

ps. you may have to start a new section for the competion cuz you know how we likes to get down with the commentary! Peace out!

Adaure said...

MAYA ANGELOU ONCE TOLD ME :) "STAND TALL AND PROUD,LEAN ON NO MAN, BOW ONLY TO GOD" ... I'll let you masticate on that till i return with my own essay

East Cost Wedding Stalker said...

u forgot rotolaanddeji.com. I'm looking foward to that one it's going to be mad fun!

Anonymous said...

sorry to say but this beats hakeems wedding hands down you should add it to your list elegant wedding!!:-)

http://www.lacourphoto.com/slideshows/ashiru-filchak-nigerian-ceremony/

http://www.lacourphoto.com/slideshows/ashiru-filchak/

UNIQUE AND CLASSY!! OR WHAT DO YOU THINK ADA??:)

Adaure said...

@ECWS.....Meeeeeen let me not start about Rotola and Deji's wedding. That has already cost me $400 for flight ticket to Jersey. I have not even begun to talk about the dress i'm going to wear(subject of another blog) or the Hair. I am thinking i may just comb out my Afro and wear a dress from last season just to offset that flight cost.

About the Ashiru-Filchak wedding, the original wedding website is listed above as David and Bisola. I did see this and it was 'tight' but I don't know if it qualifies because it is powered by the photographer...WHICH MEANS.. every wedding that this photographer has shot probably has a BAM photopgae. But it is tight sha...ya'll may want to hire that photographer for your own events and stuvs

Voltron said...

Love, Love, Love David and Bisola's wedding photos.
Simply beautiful!!

FellowWebsiteStalker said...

i personally think DiandDee.com is the best site i've seen to date. Very cute couple. cant wait for the wedding pics to be up. Yep, Deji's and Rotola's wedding is going to be the bomb. Better make sure my outfit is tight!

Anonymous said...

Ok Miss Adaure, you should not be feeding our additction to wedding websites, especially those who are single unless you are going to setup a support group. I have been on your blog for a long time. Thank God I am not at work.........lol

That being said, everyone looks like a supermodel, very beautiful. And to the coupleswe are all witnesses (uninvited) to your union so you are somewhat accountable to us. WE KNOW YOUR FACES LOL.

Anonymous said...

why do i only get jealous of the preety brides? God help me!!

Tutsy said...

Adaure, do u really think its fair to infect us with ur addiction......this one too much now...haba no kill single ladies with all this wedding websites biko..have mercy on us.

Its bad enough i watch my life pass me by day by day, but when a single 25yr old female browses the net and reads things like this it leaves room for serious hypertension which could possibly cause a stroke while she is reading the lovely websites...lol (no kidding).
But really about the Kneeling issue, its more of a Yoruba thing, its seen as a sign of respect, but i don't really agree with it.... i don't fault people who do it either...hey its whatever floats ur boat honey....it ain't even that serious.

Na me oh said...

Thanks.. more websites to view....Now I have something to do at work tomorrow. (And I am not talking about during lunch or breaks)
Thanks to you. :)

Anonymous said...

I SHALL KNEEL.. This is how I look at it:

If I can kneel down and raise my hands over my head because a senior in secondary school punished me.

If I can kneel to greet some elderly people, I do not even like just because I want to avoid inlaws thinking my mother didnot teach me well.

If I can kneel....

Then kneeling to show submission and respect to the one I love. Omo! Kneel I shall.

My FH should know better than to think my kneeling for him at our wedding is a sign of weakness or something to that effect..

Mo said...

adaurewedsjohnlegend...lol! Girl, that was hilarious....

Anonymous said...

marilynandabimbola.weddingwindow.com

Through these eyes said...

OMG, I just saw the website of a good friend of mine on your site, Deji Ogunye. Omo, now i'm going to have to leave him a very lengthy message right now. Gotta run. After which i will need to pop some antidepressants. Damn! For real oh, Adaure, arrange for support group for the single ones like us, oh. This your post is going to cause some heart attacks over the weekend, for real. You guys should also check out my blog and leave your comments. I'm sure if Adaure can get 39 comments, she should feel free to throw a bone out there to me. Muaaah!!! Laterrr.

Founder WWSA (wedding website stalkers anonymous) said...

wow girl...i thought i was bad...but you've passed me sha...great links...I just hope I'll be to concentrate while Im at work tomorrow looking through all these sites...

Adaure said...

LOL.... You guys are making it sound as if all i do is sit down and go through all these websites. ABEG OOOO!!!! Before I will now get a scarlett label on my forehead. My friends send them to me and I just happen to save and publish them so that YA'LL can enjoy the browse. When I am done I rarely return even to see the wedding pictures unless I am particularly curious about it or i am digging the couple OTAN!!! Biko please ya'll can stop that joke of being a stalker....have you forgotten that much of this is an embellishment of my reality. Anyways I hope we all don't get queried by IT because I check my history and lo and behold a hundred and one clicks to blogspot and yahoo. LOL

folu said...

I think Rotola & Deji and Di & Dee's sites are much better thatn Adeola and Hakeem.

ngozi said...

what the fuck? i swear we are crazy. as bad as those crazy muslim fanatics. christian fanaticism is just worse.
please they can chop their wedding. what nonsense.

didi said...

i have always said roti and deji r my fave.
pls na only yoruba pple wey dey get wedding websites?

Anonymous said...

haba didi check other ones now..Ibo dey plenty

remi said...

one guy like that is talking jargon. if the fact that some women give their men oral pleasure is a reason why they should kneel in public, then men should do the same. since they too know how to get down and do the darn thing in the bedroom.
equality - abi?

Vera said...

Hey Girl.

Stumbled across the link to ur blog. Believe it or not, I actually went thru alllll the wedding sites. My best friend is gettin married next year, so I have become a mini wedding planner by default. Anyways, those r some nice sites.

Have a wonderful day

Gbemi's Piece said...

Funny to see that we've broached the same subject on our blogs. I didn't kneel at my wedding and I would not have knelt if asked. It's just not me. I think it sends the wrong message to young women and it does nothing for our self-esteem. Why should women be the only ones to kneel and who says kneeling is the only form of respect? There are many ways of showing respect and the first is to treat each other with care. However, if the woman kneels to feed her husband, then he should join her as an expression of love or to show the world that they are partners for life. By the way, I took a poll of my American friends and Nigerian friends to see if there were differences in opinion about this mostly Yoruba tradition. I'll post the results on my blog soon.

T. said...

I have been reading ur blogs 4 quite a while and u never cease to amaze and entertain me. I love love love weddings, but these one don pass me o since its the latest fad in town! Makes single chicks like me worry myself sick! But God dey sha.
Nyways keep up d good work gurl and the sky is ur limit

mosunandbola.com

Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

Why can't I log on to the david and bisola website- to see the famous pictures? The lachour link asks for a password. The website itself just has a thank you mesage-nothing else. Can nyone help?

Anonymous said...

Most of your rebellious women that made anti-kneeling comments will kneel to beg your husbands at one time or the other in your marriages. Mark my words.

The push-back on this kneeling culture in indicative of whey most of the women making these comments are single, and still searching. E go tay.

Parazone Super Bleach! said...

@ anonymous man or extra- terrestial that made that "Epe-like comment"( curse like comment)..Not nice. Single women or soon-to-be married women dont have to kneel if they dont want to. kneeling is a sign of respect we know...but not doing so does not mean one is disrespectful. Abeg o!!! Tufia akwa!!

East Coast Wedding Stalker said...

What is this trend of naija men wearing white suits or tux's ahan.. Is there some kind of etiquette,code or rule that I missed or something. I personally think a black tux/suit is more appropriate and I haven't seen any man black or white except of course P-diddy pull it off a white suit nicely. I kinda find it irritating ..just the way I found men in Nigeria wearing lacy gloves at their wedding damn annoying..Peace

Anonymous said...

To see david and Bisola's pics, try these websites:
http://www.lacourphoto.com/slideshows/ashiru-filchak-nigerian-ceremony/

http://www.lacourphoto.com/slideshows/ashiru-filchak/

Na me oh said...

That makes two of us. I have grooms wearing lacy (or any) gloves.. EWWW...

Na me oh said...

That makes two of us. I can't stand grooms wearing lacy (or any) gloves.. EWWW...

Anonymous said...

hey girl.........
u missed out my friends
www.omosandakin.com

they are the cutest couple ever....and im going all the way to naija to show support to jon b( akin's nick name).

ADAURE, uve got me hooked on these sites sha o!!!! in fact thats my this evenings entertainment

Anonymous said...

yes o!men in gloves look like people lying in state.not a lovely sight

Anonymous said...

I CANT STAND GLOVES ON ANY ONE.............
and while we are on pet hates........
WHAT IS THE POINT OF KNEELING DOWN.
EBI U WOULD HAVE KNELT DOWN IN THE TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE. ME, IM NOT KNEELING IN MY HAUTE COUTURE DRESS .....LAI LAI... to prove a point to who???
ppssssshhhheeeewwwww. ada, what happened at work with mekus now??

Ms. Pepeiye said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
T. said...

Also check out www.kemiwedsiyke.com.. that's their official website.. its so amazing, i actually guessed the website and i was right!

Talk about being addicted to wedding websites!

Anonymous said...

Y'all should this one out. It's really off the chains
http://www.uchewedschiaka.com

Anonymous said...

LOLOL at www.kemiwedsiyke.com
Trust nigerians to add the "title" next to the name. (under bridal train).

East Coast Now WS -Now sick of wedding website said...

I don't know about you guys, but this website thing is getting old jare. Trust Nigerians to make you sick of something!! This ish isn't going to end now. Everbogy and their mama is going to have one!!

Anonymous said...

I FEEL UR PAIN.........
ITS GETTING OLD........QUICK.
EVERY TOM DICK AND THIER MAMA LIKE U SAID IS DOIN IT.

what's new, pussycat??

Parazon Super Bleach said...

You know naija peeps too do! I can just hear girlfriend telling her boyfriend they have to start taking more pictures for the website when the bobo hasnt even proposed yet so that they'll have pictures captioned " Bubbling in Dublin", "Me and my bobo in france" " at a our friends wedding" etc..this usually (sometimes)shows longevity..Cuz u know some websites I have visited have some scanty dry photos.
As if wedding are not expensive enough..we have to start worrying about wedding website fees and photographer like lacour etc..Arrgghh! when will this wedding website madness stop so we can go back to simplicity!

Anonymous said...

ada , that lacour photo website for ashiru filshak thing no work for my computer oo. them dey ask for password.
abeg u get the password????

Tutsy said...

lol.....una don kolo. I can't believe y'all are still checking out the websites....lol....keep on keeping on!

Anonymous said...

it is not only nigerians. Oyinbo's and other africans are also into it. it is a wedding trend.

Parazon Super Bleach said...

Why I like wedding websites!

Boyfriend and Girlfriend skipping happily though the tulips all in love and sturvs and then evil jealous ex-girlfriend who is still holding on to old memories is plotting and planning a coup d'etat to rival that of Muritala Muhammed gets shock of her life when she is blog browsing and stumbles on Adaures famous wedding website listing and...arrgghh, shock!!! Horror!! afterall she spoke to dude lastnight and he said nothing about a wedding! After all she calls him every day and WANTS to rekindle the friendship they had before (they became galvrend and boyvrend.(LOL). Despite the fact the boy has gently to told her he has moved on and is not really interested in friendship because his new girlfriend is not comfy with the idea! But noooo..she no gree she go dey call sha!

So, one fine day she stumbles on dashwedsdash.com...She wan die troway!! Na so she begin call bobo dey cry..Talking about, you mislead me..And the rest is history! You gotta lurve these websites they let chicks face reality squarely..

Dis na pure fiction oh!!

Anonymous said...

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails.

Adaure said...

LOL @ PSB.... are you sure you have not tapped my cell phone. That scenario is almost quite similar to something that happened to me o, with the exception of the website discovery and crying part. I am plotting my wedding crashing too. I shall blog about that later. LOL @ the hilarity... funny how people have these stories that can be so similar.

Parazone Super Bleach said...

@ Adaure...Ooops you caught me I have been stalking you forever!! LOL. (

Seriously, what had happened was I was going through the 10million wedding sites you have on your blog. I often wonder what is really behind putting their lives and future on the WWW! I know, it's a fad and every one wants to feel among, but there has to be and upside and a downside to it all.
So, I am browsing, eatin' my plantain chips and wiping my eyes with paper towel cuz kleenex isn't absorbent enough! And there it was, an Epiphany! Here i am going through the motions..looking at the happy couple, scrutinising every aspect of the page and wondering, what they endured to get to where they are now(posting their sturvs on the net for people to pick apart, old girlfriends are like, damn maybe I should have been a tad bit patient)these are some bold people ojare! Then I thought about my own past relationships and how I had to end a couple of them due to "Residual Chicks", you know the ones who have refused to leave despite the fact that it is now your tooth brush, your scarf and your silk sexy night gown(the ones u casually forgot at his crib , so that another woman will feel your presence) that are now in his house!
Residual Chicks want to do be able to tell their friends that "Mr Ex and I still talk, we where friends before lovers so we'd like to keep that up!" B.S abeg..the tin don over, abeg jah, i no wan see you brake light! shio!! I Say all that to say, when I was browsing I wondered how many "residual chicks" that would have been out there biting their nails in regret(and or in happiness that someone else gets to get a dose of his bullshit now)reading their cute bios and viewing their pictures...wishing just wishing... but then reality bites and they realise they are NOT THE ONES IN PREPARING TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE!!
So, may I thank you for helping me get those thoughts out, cus if it werent for you I wouldnt have thunk it!

Apologies for hugging the comment section! :)

Anonymous said...

@ Parazone Super Bleach,

You are so right about that picture thingy....Now I feel like I have to take more pictures....so that when I have a wedding sites(an idea my man doesn't like but I LOVE IT!!!).I can have enough pics to put on the sites.

THE ASHIRU/FLICHAK PICS ARE STILL NOT COMING UP!!!WHAT'S UP???

Adaure....MORE BLESSINGS TO YOU FOR THIS PART 2.....I'M TOTALLY OBSESSED WITH WEDDINGS PERIOD!!!
I GUESS MORESO TO TAKE CUES ON WEDDING IDEAS AND STLYES.

Anonymous said...

Starting to think them filchaks dont want extra viewers..:{

Anonymous said...

Nothing so exciting bout filchak stuvs except that Remi is a ROCKER!

Anonymous said...

who the heck is Remi and why's Remi a Rocker??

Anonymous said...

hey ada...a friend told me about "this site"..and here i am..why???? because i admit ..i have a problem..i am addicted to wedding sites et al..lol...i agree wit someone who said there should be a support group cos i find myself almost crying...( im sooo dramatic...i know)..i know i shed a tear or two for d dianddee.com website...ud tink i knew them..lol..i dont know wat kind of help i need but a support group will be nice..its good to know there are people like me..it makes the world tolerable for me.....Tola G

Mona said...

I had no idea there were so manny! So you're addicted to looking at the sites huh? You're not the only one oh...i think the whole kneeling thing is cute, i can do that on the wedding day after that if he dares request that type of nonsense at home, he'll get a tongue lashing lol

Tola said...

yes o...im a full time addict....and the whole kneeling thing has been going on for ages..a sign of respect et al. You know the whole tradition thingy...(esp. the yoruba weddings)..thats just the way it is..i guess there are some things u do "just becos".I actually tink its cute.. if i did it for my husband, he will know i did it "just bcos"..cos there is no way in ****** it will ever happen AGAIN..hissssssssssssssss. There are other ways to show him that i respect him.

Anonymous said...

Hi A, interesting article. like it's been mentioned b4, it's mainly a yoruba thing and it is mere ceremony like a part of the proceedings. however, if no one says expressly for me to do so, i won't b'cos it doesn't come naturally to me (though i'm yoruba) and i've reached a stage in life where i'm comfortable in my own skin, so i only do things that come naturally to me - if it doesn't i don't do it. however if some mc, expressly asks for that i'd probably just do it and get it over with rather than have a prolonged palava about it, then the person can put a sock in it and move on to other agenda.

Anonymous said...

please can anyone direct me to the part one of the wedding sites?

Anonymous said...

Kai late comer!! Ehm check de recent posts now

Calabar Gal said...

SOME MAY SAY ITS A CULTURE 'THING' AND THAT A BRIDE KNEELING DOWN TO FEED HER HUSBAND ON THEIR WEDDING DAY IS A SIGN OF HUMILTY ON THE BRIDE'S PART.
I THINK ITS ALL PRETENCE AND A SHOW FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE AUDIENCE GATHERED THERE! I BET MY INHERITANCE THAT BRIDE AFTER THAT DAY WILL NEVER KNEEL DOWN FOR HER HUSBAND EVER AGAIN AND IF HE EVER REQUESTS HER TO DO SO, SHE WILL BE SCREAMING 'WOMEN EQUALITY AND FEMININE LIBERATION' FROM THE ROOFTOPS!!
'THESE ARE MODERN TIMES'!! WILL PROBABLY BE HER MOTTO FROM THEN UNTIL ETERNITY!!

Calabar Gal said...

Adaure,
Thanks for enligtening me on the goings on in the wedding world. As one who intends to tie the know 'tightly' sometime in the future, these are a real eye opener!! I enjoyed going through them and smiling at the 'newly weds' and 'about to's' try to out do each other.
Of course I'm joining the wedding website rat race in the future!! Cheers!!

Calabar Gal said...

thanks love for the insite on wedding websites!! I have been hooked on them for the past 3hrs!!
It sure is a tasking but pleasureable and rewarding experience. reading all the lovely couples just made me go gaga!! even shed a tear of joy when i read aabout the proposal at bloomindales! my dear - u r da bomb!!

Anonymous said...

CHECK OUT THIS WEBSITE.
LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK......
Another new wedding website

WWW.TINUANDDOTUN.com

Mona said...

check out
www.folarintiwa.co.uk
www.bunmiandsegun.com
www.akinanduju.com
www.niyiandsarah.com
www.mojiandgbolahan.com
http://destiny.weddingwindow.com/index.cfm?fa=welcome

Anonymous said...

password for mojiandgbolahan.com please.....

Dimples said...

PLease can someone tell me how Yankee churches differ from the ones in England...cos most couples seemed to have met in church or went to the same church or one church related story or another.

Anonymous said...

Dimples, Churchs here in America especially Nigerian churchs they have a lot of events for singles. Whether its single night or cell groups for single girls and guys - My church is a RCCG church and we do that alot... its actually quite fun. Hope this answers your question.

Anonymous said...

well... the Tinuanddotun.com
is a nice website. But too much Traditional attire. The groom looks old shaa.

Michael said...

Ok as everyone seems to be using the same templates. I have been working on a little site of my own it is due to be finished by 1st August 2006. Have a look at developments so far www.ossei.co.uk. I will like your comments?

Anonymous said...

www.tinuanddotun.com, can someone help with who sang the song. I love it.

Anonymous said...

woww. tinuanddotun website....Too much niaja attire jaree.
Well, make they post wedding pics.
I looking forward to see what the Bride wore to her church wedding.

The song on the website is by
STYL PLUS. the title of the song is MASE.

Anonymous said...

tinuanddotun.com have pictures on their site the newly weds section

Anonymous said...

Kneeling = Part of the Nigerian Culture...please! why is it that we Nigerians keep acting like we have culture, when infact we don't. I mean read Nigerian magazines, all u hear is some small girl dating a politician old enough to be her dad and their disgusting sexcapades....then majority of married Nigerian men do not know the meaninng of fidelity when married with grownup kids....I don't mean to put a damper on ur blog, I mean I have been reading it for the past couple of hours and read the entire part I, but I just want to get a point across, brides should not have to kneel on their wedding day, cause its "our culture" when in reality we DON'T HAVE CULTURE we just use it as a coverup to show foreigners that we (i.e. Nigerians) are structured people. On a brighter note, I love the wedding websites and I really like the idea of the blog....good job Adaure...keep on writing, casue I sure love reading. Chao!

Anonymous said...

hi, i knw of a guy who was so overwhelmed at his wedding that HE knelt down to feed the wife!!! U can imagine all the elders present almost had his head for breakfast....lol

Anonymous said...

I really love this site and the funny stories about weddings. I live in lagos and hope to get married soon. my favorite site is www.dianddee.com as mentioned before, this came out sometime in april and has changed the way nigerians do websites for wedding. I have seeen a couple of sites modelled after this but still cannot beat it. check it out.m yes o!

Anonymous said...

The rise and fall of a Naija Girl...

Question: What type of man do you want to marry

6 year old: I want to marry a Prince like in little mermaid and we will live happily ever after

13 year old: I want to marry Tiger Woods or Michael Jordan

18 year old: I want to marry a guy that is tall, dark and handsome. My pref stats are 6ft 3”, big upper body, toned abs, strong legs and with looks that will give Tyson Beckford a run for his money

21 year old: I want to marry a young and rich professional preferably a doctor, lawyer or an Investment banker. He shouldn’t speak with an accent, that’s a no no, he should be classy, “he should respect and appreciate me as a strong black woman” more blah blah…..

24 year old: Same as 21 but with more feminine BS

Ladies and Gentlemen, we now have the decline

27 year old: I want a responsible Yoruba (insert tribe here) man with a decent job or at least a bright future preferably with no kids.

30 year old: I want a God fearing man and I’m open to all races. God created all of us in his own image anyways

32 year old: I just want a man. Any man!!!

36 year old: I just need a kid. Can someone please impregnate me?

40 year old: This is a wicked world. I’m going to adopt

50 year old: I just want to live long. What was your question again?

Thoughts...

Anonymous said...

new wedding website for fans of it

www.wemiandseinde.com

Anonymous said...

Hello Ada,
like the many ladies on your blog, I am obsessed about wedding websites however I do not think for the same reasons that all of you are. I just like looking at the DECOR. That is what fascinates me the most. I think it gives u somewhat of an inkling as to who these people really are and what they value. I personally think that location and decor is the most important part of any wedding. It just sets the tone, right off the bat. Depending on what ur set up is, u may find urself in the middle of a circus or transported into neverland. Just think back to all the weddings you have been to and what the decor/ambience looked like (Note: decor also affects the mood). Which ones were you most wowed by and which ones were u just ready to bolt? Brides-to-be should understand this ... Get some inspiration at www.ohsofab.com . There are so many websites I can share, I am inspitred by the likes of Preston Bailey, Ed Libby, Colin Cowie and David Tutera. So ladies, outside of putting up wedding websites and forcing your hubbies to be to plaster awkward smiles on their face for a website that will be torn down 6 months after your wedding, think Ambiance and Decor on ur wedding day. Remeber again decor shows up in ur pictures. That is why I have to give applaud to our American conuterparts, they will not compromise on that, at least those that do it well.
So that is my view on website stalking, I just check to see if we as Nigerians, have stepped up our game when it comes to creating an atmosphere for our guests to relax, enjoy and be inspired in.
I would rather put money into having awesome decor as opposed to a website.

Anonymous said...

Remeber again decor shows up in ur pictures. That is why I have to give applaud to our American conuterparts, they will not compromise on that, at least those that do it well.
So that is my view on website stalking, I just want to know if we have stepped up our game when it comes to creating an atmosphere for our guests to relax, enjoy and be inspired in.
I would rather put money into having awesome decor as opposed to a website.

Anonymous said...

I'm not necessarily commenting about the post because i don't even know my position on that! However, I absolutely love this blog! I thought I was the only one out there fascinated by Nigerian wedding sites - i mean i've gone through all the yoruba and almost all the ibo names I know on google - sometimes I laugh it myself! But I see some new ones on this site - I just love them! I'm hoping to create a top notch site once God determines it's time for me to take the walk down the aile! I'll be sure to post my site!

Anonymous said...

I just want to say the worese wedding website is the TINU AND DOTUN.com. THey dont have any reason to have a website. NO point to it. Nothin interesting !!

mide said...

The fact that they got married is a reason to have a wedding website. Dear anoynmous,I don't think it is your place to say a thing like that about anybody. It's a free world and people can do as they please. Afterall no one asked for your opinion

Anonymous said...

well..the website is alright.
make you leavee them alone.

Anonymous said...

anonymous 3.55am....... tat is very rude to say. Atleast they got a website and got married. What about urs ?

Anonymous said...

This is great! Where's part I????

Rubberband Man said...

Hi Adaure,

I can't believe you missed out these my very good friends and very special couple www.tomiandkunle.info. You need to browse thru their website to understand why. They are yet to upload their wedding photos and believe me, their outfits were simply gorgeous. Watch out girl!

Anonymous said...

ok.. i have to give to tomiandkunle website. Looks real.
I Love the song played. Who is the artist ????
I cannot wait to see the wedding pictures. THey look real.
This is beautiful.
Nice memories...they have together.
PRICELESS !!!!

Black and Beautiful said...

Oh yeah, I love tomiandkunle.info website. I particularly enjoyed reading their welcome and guestbook pages...meeeeennn, 12 yrs and still together. This is real love. Their photo album too is great, esp the blast from the past photos. Definitely nice and priceless memories. I go luff o.

Diva said...

I haven't laughed so hard in ages, I love this website.........
A - Girl thanks for putting this together for hopeful's like myself

Anonymous said...

I just came across this today. Good grief. I've heard so many people on here say that they will not kneel at the "white wedding" but they will do so at the traditional wedding. Is that to say that the white wedding supercedes the trad one and the same rules don't apply? what da heck? If you're not going to kneel just don't freaking do it. As for me, I don't see any big deal in it. Do whatever pleases you as long as you don't have any regrets. Simple!

Amebo from Abroad said...

Well someone said that the best website they have seen so far is dianddee.com and that their website was copied by others. Im gonna have to disagree with that..May be you should take a look at www.weddingorg.com and look under wedding templates there you will find an array of wedding websites babe.... where they got their ideas from there as well... so im gonna need you to get your facts straight buddy....

Anonymous said...

Hello all,
well,, if u need to see more wedding site.. go to http://doyinworld.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Amebo from abroad.. U are olodo !
Saying dianddee is the best does not mean the TEMPLATE issue. it means this people took there time and put together a nice website. Looks really nice. I know alot of people with the same template.. and the website does not look good. Should i ask.... ARE u jealous ? or can u pls post urs....
Anyway, u need to reach me...
reach me on http://doyinworld.blogspot.com/

Amebo from Abroad said...

Madam Doyin 8:46... I never said the website wasn't nice. Haba now! how can i be jealous of people i absolutely don't know anything about now? No wonder you have problems keeping a man(on your dry ass blog...)Now I'm mad that ure biting off of Adaure's blog and pasting the websites on urs, sweetheart incase you didn't get the memo, there can only be 1 original.. which makes you a copycat! now who is the OLODO!!! (I guess all that skool u went to didn't pay off)

Anonymous said...

Wow Doyinworld looks like amebo from abroad don told you. Don't you just feel so little. amebo+ 1 doyin = 0

Anonymous said...

www.dayoandtemi.com

AshleyO said...

well for me i know its a tradition to kneel at weddings to feed your husband, i just dont think its romantic,for me at my wedding i am going to seat on my husband's lap to feed him,i feel thats more like it,we don't have to keep going on with the old tradition,cause it really doesn't show that she's a perfact wife,infact that might be the last time the woman respects the man

Anonymous said...

Hello,
Just spreading the word !
I got married 2months ago back in Nigeria. I had a very beautiful cake done by Dunsy. If anyone is planning a wedding in Nigeria or having any special event. Contact her : www.dunsysdoodles.com.

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Gift said...

I find your blog interesting for two reasons. I'm South African and from a tribe where women are expected to kneel when they serve their husbands or elders. By many standards, SA is a pretty westernised country (too westernised according to some Nigerian men). I am not a feminist as such, but I'm not ready to let outdated traditions dicate how I live. But I try to hold on to the kneeling coz I believe it's the one way I can show that I truly respect my husband and that I have not lost all my culture in a society that seems to think being African is outdated.

Eli Silva Photography said...

I find your blog interesting I really like to learn about new cultures! I love to learn about new traditions and wedding ritual or protocols. We've recently done few Pakistani and Indian weddings (check out www.elisilvaphotography.com/blog) and I can't wait to digg and learn more from other cultures.

Hugs
Jenily Silva ~ elisilva.com

Michelle said...

I've been trying to look for the right kind of wedding stationary and I havent had much luck. Your blog is a big help! Thank you for the ideas!c