Will She or Won't She...Kneel To Feed The Cake That Is
The wedding season is in full swing and the various wedding websites that I have been stalking (ya'll have too) are being updated with radiant photographs of a very festive event. Some of the moments captured in the pictures got my friend and I into an interesting conversation. We have had this conversation before and I have with other friends, but this time it was pretty different. At issue why some Nigerian women chose to kneel when feeding their new husbands the cake and why some at the wedding put pressure on the woman to kneel. It is interesting how sometimes when I go to Nigerian weddings, I place a bet with someone one whether the bride will kneel or not. Usually we just reach a consensus that she will kneel but deep in my heart I am crossing my heart and saying a silent prayer, hoping that she won't kneel. When she does, in that white, tulle filled $2000 dress, my heart sinks and I'm like, "Darn, how much more knife wounds can the feminist movement take?' I am sure it is personal preference and mostly cultural. Some quote Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18 as the basis and the final word on kneeling while others say it is a sign of showing love and respect. don't need to tell you what my opinion is and where I stand on the issue, if at all it is an issue. That's already very obvious. My friend Beedee has been to a number of weddings and she's begun to inquire about this and has been talking to a number of relatives and friends. Here's a write up from Beedee and a response from some one she talked to. Please feel free to share your opinion in the comment section as I am sure this is the invisible Elephant in the room at many weddings and for many brides and single ladies 'aspiring' to be brides (I use the word aspire sarcastically as some equate getting married with getting a degree...like after you graduate from college the nest question you get bombarded with is not just 'when are yo getting your masters" but 'when are you getting married'). I would especially love to hear from former brides who knelt or didn't kneel and if this was even an issue.
Meanwhile here are some more websites to whet your appetite (Just added a few more sites that were posted in the comment section of part one and sent to me by email. Go Crazy!!! Meanwhile make sure you are taking notes because at the end of the season we will pick the winner. I will have to disqualify Deola and Hakeem of http://www.adeolawedshakeem.com on a tehcnicality for being too BAM!!! Just like I'ld love to disqualify Brazil from further World Cups. Anyways send your links and pick your faves.... Don't we just love weddings)
To Kneel Or Not To Kneel
Weddings are one of my favorite events to attend. As a single gal, weddings give me hope that there really is someone out there for everyone. Also they give me an opportunity to dream of my own wedding, what I will emulate and things I will totally avoid.
The wedding ceremony is usually a breeze (gone are the days of lengthy church services), some people skip the ceremony itself and only show up at the reception. I don't think that is respectful to the bride and the groom. The reception is often times the bride's main focus. Most of the wedding budget aside from the honeymoon is spent on the reception and this is where a wedding planner comes in very handy.
Wedding receptions are packed with activities from the first dance to the bouquet and garter too to the cake-cutting. The cake-cutting part of the reception is where my attention is fully focused on the newly weds. This is the time when I put on my gambler hat and begin to place my bet on whether the bride will kneel or not kneel to feed her husband a piece of their wedding cake. My bet is based on the demeanor of the bride, her personality and the person officiating the cutting of the cake termed cake-cutting officiant for the purpose of this article. If the officiant is an elderly person, He or she usually initiates the kneeling act with comments such as "Now show your husband that your parents (family) raised you properly' or 'You will kneel down and feed your husband'. Sometimes the bride is not asked to kneel but her knees hit the ground as if on cue. Some brides do this to avoid being specifically told to get on their knees. I have noticed this phenomenon at Yoruba weddings where the bride or groom or both come from the Yoruba ethnic group. I am not sure when this culture was adopted or whether it is symbolic to the word Submission. A very popular Bible verse about wives submitting to their husbands can be found in the Ephesians, chapter 5 verse 22.
I am curious though as to why a woman has to get on her knees to show her man that she respects him or that she is even submissive. I conducted an informal survey among my male and female friends to get their thoughts on this issue. Most guys do not really care about it and think that it is just part of our culture, they do not see anything wrong with it because and I quote one of my male friends she will not be kneeling down to feed me for the rest of her life, it's just a one-time thing. Some of my female friends think it is alright and it is just one of the formalities during the reception and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it as long as they just have to do it one which will be the first and last time. Other friends believe that is a no-no and there will be no kneeling in their white gowns, all kneeling would be done at the traditional wedding/engagement.
I am not sure whether a generally acceptable reason would be given to encourage all women to kneel down to feed their husbands their wedding cakes, all I can say is to each (bride) her own
WHY WOMEN SHOULD KNEEL & WHY MARRIAGE IS A SHAM!
By One Guy Like That
A good friend of mine raised a very good question regarding kneeling down to feed your husband cake at the wedding. There are I believe a few good reasons why women should kneel. Firstly, there is one thing called Humility. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman being humble enough to get on her knees and feed her husband the cake. Women get caught up in this independent self pride that really takes them no where. I personally do not care if we eat cake talk less of you feeding me cake on your knees, but its worthy to note that it is a sign of respect to your husband (some deserve, some don't) and the institution of marriage (if such an institution still exist). It also shows respect to your family and in-laws and tradition.
Ephesians 5 (22) says to submitting to your husband, which I think is still a valid thing these days. The fact is marriage, like weddings, has lost its importance in society today. It has become a day you spend tons of money to feed a bunch of people you don't like (they don't like you either) and smile a whole lot. It's about compromise, a business partnership, two people who stand each others s*** for a few years. It has become a shameless parade of men looking for women who will shut up and put up with their s*** and women who will be their wives and pretend life is wonderful. Then you have kids and stay together for their sake, while the men entertain themselves outside and the women focus on their kids and careers and church to keep themselves occupied and happy in their deceitful lives.
Most men and women marry for the wrong reasons, women play around until their mid to late twenties then become desperate to get married. All this while, they've been looking for Mr. Right. Guess what there no Mr. Right is! Men on the other hand are busy trying to make money buy the house the nice car to become more attractive to the ladies. What was wrong with you in your one bedroom roach infested apartment? Nothing! But fact is we are all material empty baskets, we judge each other by what you drive, where you live, how much you make, career blah blah blah. There is no real substance to how we interact, how we judge each other etc. So ladies if you want to kneel down do it, if you do not want to don't but I guarantee you, your in-laws won't forget it!
Finally in closing I personally do not think it's important or necessary for women to kneel and feed the husband cake. But I also take issue with arrogant women who feel they are too big to kneel, when you know damn well you have been on your knees several times before you wedding day! (Now that one gets the Addy 'Ouch!' award )
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