SO HELPLESSLY SUSAN

Ajebota Babes Don't Change Flat Tires

If there was ever a time that I didn't need my ajebota (prissiness) genes to take over, Sunday just was not the day. Some people say I can be such a diva, primadonna, ditz or whatever and half the time I agree with them because there are some situations that amaze me so much so that I get overtly dramatic. It can be very amusing and I admit that most times it's a coy, avoidance mechanism in order not to deal with the problem at hand or mask my moods. One of such problems arose yesterday afternoon as I was driving from Oakland to San Francisco (Frisco for short).

I was meant to hang out with a friend at a family member's party, but that plan fell through. Luckily an absolutely pleasant and coincidental surprise came through that I quickly fashied being dramatic about the mileage and gas money incurred driving up to Frisco. But that short moment of happiness was not long lived. Tautology employed for emphasis. As I was driving to meet up with another acquintance, my front passenger side tire decided to blow out in the middle of Interstate 880 in Oakland after either hitting an unevenly paved corner of the road or a rock. Now why did it have to be in the town with the most black people. I refused to stop on the high way so I drive another mile to the next exit and got off near Jack London Square and parked my car. I came out and looked at the tire and just hissed and shook my head. What nonsense is this, I said to myself. It is the work of the Devil but that must have been my punishment for not going to church. I called everyone I knew asking for triple-A. I'm sure I had Geico Road side assistance but I could not find my insurance card. Meanwhile the tire was watching me and I was watching it. I went to my trunk to look for the jack and the spare tire. All three of us were moping at each other. It wasn't as if I knew how to change a flat or what to do with the Jack. Heck I don't even know how to remove the hub cap. And I was more concerned about getting my hands all dirty with that black eeky stuff (i should get some yellow rubber gloves in case of next time). I called all my friends oh but no one was able to find anyone with Triple A. Luckily a white tattooed free loving hippie looking couple that had passed by when I'd just gotten there came out again after like 30 minutes and saw me looking perplexed and jaded and asked me if i needed help. You can imagine how I played that hopeless and helpless puppy face. She and her husband joined in to change the tire. Me i was just there opening the owners manual because apparently my car, 'Ify' (Ifesinachi the Infiniti, which means all things come from God) was a bit too luxury for the tire to be just like that of a normal car. It took forever to get the jack out of the trunk, to find the kit and then to take the hub cap off the tire rim. Habayanatics!!!! even 'Mercy' can't be that hard.

Eventually they succeeded in changing the tire. Meanwhile one of my friends, let's call that one Hunter, found a nearby Walmart for me to go fix the tire at. I was eventually able to get a hold of River,who had triple A. River had to add me to his account as per that was the only way they would come out to help me. Hmh. I am sure if Triple A types my name, I could get arrested for polygamy because I am on some people's account as their wife, sister, girlfriend etc etc. I think this is a hint to go and get my own darn account at Triple A and quit being a darned free-loader. This scenario basically reminds me of a scene from Desperate Housewives, when Eddy Brit was in bed all bee stung telling Susan that her helplessness cherade was getting tired and everybody on the block was not always coming to her aid becaus ethey like her, but because she was so desperately helpless. It also reminded me about Unilag Club Boys/Big Boys (especially of the RHO and ABC persuation) that cannot be seen changing tires that they have to call the pledges to drop what ever it is an come and change it for them. They even get their pledges to change tires for their girlfriends/ club girls. Like my sister would say 'Pekelepekele'..only in an ajebota world can that fly. That's the moment of epiphany that I had. Yes playing dumb, naive and clueless can be cute to some people, but sooner or later it'll get tired. It is when you really really need the most help that everyone wil be like 'Oops, sorry honey you've played out all your cards.' It can even be detrimental to building relationships because you'll just be looked upon as being needy. Something I need to chew the cod on as I grow daily in life. I also need to find out why my own ajebotaness get K-leg...personality crisis basically. Ever heard of 'ajebo aguru n'agu' ...ajebota wey hunger dey catch..lol.

Anyways I made my way to Walmart where I had to spend an unbudgeted $100 to replace my tire. I was shortly on my way to meet up with my other friend and then STRUGGLED to drive back home. Oh My Goodness was I in some serious punishment mode. I was just slapping myself, screaming the song that was blarring from the speakers and freezing myself by rolling the windows down so that I could keep my self awake. My eyes were literarily shutting down on me as I was driving and I could feel my self drifting in and out and my car swerving from side to side. The worst part of it was that all the minimarts at gas stations were cloes and I could not get my dose of Red Bull. BUt we thank God that I got home safely last night. I didn't even take my clothes off. I just plunked into my bed. Meeen!!! London Bridge is Falling down cannot even rival the way I fell into that bed and crashed. Sadly I woke up 4 hours later to go to work.

Speaking of which , I am just dreading tomorrow, Tuesday, because it is the election primaries. This for me is the worst part of being a journalist. Outside of the presidential election, I cannot stand any of these local nonsense news. I mean who cares about the local city council race when there's World Peace to seek and AIDS AND MALARIA to combat, not to mention poverty and lack of housing for all by the year 2000. I am all for civic duty and all but why do I have to be dragged into it. Urgh!! somebody bite me....and it better not end up in no darn run off.