THAT WAS SO HELLA WACK

Nnenna Don't Mind Them; You've Blown UP already

I smell a rat on this show. So Nnenna got kicked off after they got through the photoshoot in Thailand. That was so hella wack. Talking about being an snob, being bored and not bringing anything else to the table. Whatever Haters!!! First you give her wigs to make her look petrifying and then in the shoot where you 'really' need hair ya'll don't give her any. The fact that she won several competition should have swayed the judges but they are really intimidated by Africaness it is so annoying.
But Nnenna that little spill about Nigerian Embassy...hmh.. what was that about? My dear the show is not MGBN. You could have pocketed that speech, only Nigerians would have understood what you meant by that.
I was going to get into the long story but I am kinda upset with Tyra and her posse for taking awya my television watching motivation. Anyways may the best gal win. I am rooting for Danielle now that they basically told Nnenna to go back to Africa.
But as Nigerians, you can trust that we will run with whatever opportunity we get. And as a true Igbo girl Nnenna will have no trouble employing some Naija skillz ( 419 and 'IMM' inclusive.... IMM stands for I Ma Mmadu which is Igbo term for connnections) to get bigger than the show. Who knows, the possibilities are endless from here on. Shoot bounce Michelle Dede from hosting Big Brother Nigeria an dput Nnenna there abeg. So this may or may not be my last wrap up on ANTM this season. We'll see how I feel next week. I was into this because of Nnenna but now she is gone I don't know if there's any point. Jade's butchering of the English language on the other hand might just keep me writing though. The girl can make words up die. What the heck is 'analystic', 'releasement', 'derogatoriness' or 'withandle'?. We'll see.

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Meanwhile I am finally taking on Yetti's challenge and writing a letter to my younger self. Here goes....(As you can tell from my posts I had issues as a kid so it's kinda long. I tried in keeping it this short)

Dear Younger Adaure.

How are you doing? It's been a while since we'd last seen but I'll always treasure the memories of the moments we both shared. I've been on this long journey called Real Life. Child lemme tell ya, it ain't all it's been cut out to be. So before you get all carried away with wanting to grow up, let me give you a few heads up, a few pointers on what the deal really is.

First of all don't change anything that you've done, only do it better and diligently. Always aim and stive to bethe best that you can be and take things a lot more seriously than you have. Put God first and read your bible, not just for Cadet quizes and CRK, but to learn from the word and pursue Christ.

RUN as far away from malls, credit cards and whomever says you wouldn't need math in university. I know your knuckles are recovering from Mrs Desalu's ruler over that long division assignment. It's tough but it's going to be tougher when you get to University. I'll leave it at that, you'll see what I mean when you get here.

Enjoy your childhood. Get the best out of it because those will be the best years of your life. Enjoy and appreciate your culture more than you have. Those trips to the village with the family, riding bikes down the hills with your cousins and siblings and hiding away in trees will give you a wealth of cherished memories. May be you can write a bout it in a book someday.

Stay in school and don't scale fences to go to Lagoon, Ransome Kuti and Computer Center. Ignore the peer pressure and teenage insecurities. You are so better than that. Let the bullies, popular, pretty and rich kids have their fill. Be confident and true to yourself. Look in that mirror and say to your self 'I am somebody'. You are your own immutable star and by God you will shine.

Beware of those who will prey upon your meekness, your genuinity and big heart. Guard that dearly, but don't be afraid to let love come in when it knocks. Hold your friends and family dearly because some of them will be your support when you are weary.

Finally, live each day as if it were the last day of your life, because one day it could be, and you'ld look on and see how you've missed out. Never sway from your convictions. Believe in yourself and your dreams. Stay focused on your goals and keep your eyes on the prize. The road will most certainly not be smooth. There will be challenges, lessons to learn and nay sayers. But if you follow my guide, watch and pray you'll do just fine. So far you've done well, after all look how I turned out. I know I am not perfect and still have kinks to work out, but every aspect of life is a work in progress. You'll see what I mean when you get here. That's all I got for now chic. Stay cool and Word to yo momma and your pops. Tell 'em I miss them and love em dearly. Cheers doll!!!

Yours in love and in Spirit
Older Adaure

(Readers : You are welcome to post your own letter to your younger self in the comments section, if you don't have a blog to post it on. It'll be a fun reading.)

Weekend Freebie

Ahhh...how I crack myself up sometimes. Shoot, It's Friday night, I need entertainment. Click on the link below.

http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/?mid=7818808

JOHN-IN-THE-BOX

Surprise Ko! Surprise Ni! Biko SHIFT K'am fu Road !!!

Nna na wa o! This America's Top Model has entered joromi stage sha. This episode was too freaking hilarious I was cracking up badly. I don't know why some people just don't like to mind their business. If they are so concerned about Nnenna's boyfriend, they shoud go and marry the boy now.
Let me start from the beginning. So they began the show by talking about the 'John-Nnenna-Palava' with everybody chiming in as advisers and soothsayers on how Nnenna's focus will be lost because of John. Then they went to some fake go-see with an actress who was really mean and cut throat. Kai, she really messed with some people's self esteem. How about she said Nnenna looked like a 'woman-but-man' aka transvestite, and that her stomach was big. As in I am sure Nnenna wanted to back hand the woman sharp sharp. The look on her face could tell it all. It was funny the way Nnenna was like 'I don't think my stomach is not that big' . She had to calm herself down. But the woman yapped all of them badly. Only Jade took it well and laughed about it and used it positively. Only a Biatch can take out another Biatch for real. So Jade won and she had to pick a friend, Nnenna of course, and they got a surprise. Err go the John-in-the-box story.

My first issue is with Tyra who felt she was doing Nnenna a favor by bringing John to the house. Missisu, na who send you message or are you DHL? Then my second issue is with Nnenna; let me just send this warning on behalf of some of my naija sistuhs whose contingency plan you have just jeopardized. Babes, we know you have made it and will have all sorts of men lining up at your 'door-mot' after this show is done. But please, biko, maka chineke, don't be burning cable for the rest of us that don't know what tomorrow holds. My friend and I are concerned for John's kind and ask that you please stop treating him like a 'boy-boy'. If this continues, all the white men will be stigmatized into thinking that's how Nigerian girls treat their men. They'll begin to fear us, stop chasing us and flee at any of our advances. You have also put our sisters who are in such relationships in danger of losing control because their boy-boy bobos would have open eye. Abeg consider awon ajebota babes now.

But na wa o. John must be suffering from the after effect of 'Akpu Power,' because the bros is whipped. Talking about I'll do any thing for you Nnenna. I was really not expecting him in that 'carton' (if na naija boy, he for enter?) and neither was Nnenna who was hoping to see one of her sisters. Did you see how Nnenna's face fell and how she rolled her eyes when she saw John. Oh My Gawd!!! She was so irritated and was faking the smile and laughter the whole time. I don't blame her at all. His behavior is highly embarrassing. May be it's just me an dthe Nigerian romance syndrome that highly lacks that kind of expression.

Anyways after all that 'Ah-Johny-Boy' left. Then they had the-main-the-main photo shoot where the were all supposed to be dolls. Hmh Hmh...can somebody show me who the idiot stylist or where all the ideas and characters for the models are coming form, because somebody is lacking seriously. If it is Tyra, I am highly offended by what they are putting Nnenna through. Some how I feel they are using her africaness for laughs just to see what the outcome will be. I mean of all the 'baby-dolls' in the world that I have seen, and trust me I have seen a lot because I didn't stop playing with and buying dolls till I was 16. I was one of those that used 'Home Economic Projects' as an excuse to buy dolls and make doll dresses. In fact in one of my college drama class projects on building a set, I went and bought some dolls and remade a scene from Midsummer Nights Dream. Why in the world did they pick an obviously 'white-curly-haired' doll for Nnenna. This is the second time they have come with that BS, the first being the so-called Frog Princess that looked like 'Willie Willie'. I mean they could have picked something else, even a Bratz doll or Golliwog. Heck we have a freaking Patti Boulaye looking Nigerian Barbie that they could have picked.

If anything they could have made her An African Voodoo or Juju Doll, she would have rocked it and looked blazing. Where is the African Union when you need them, they are doing our girl wrong on this show and they need to speak out. They made her look like an Ojuju-Calabar, an Umu-agbara returning from an Ekeleke festival. I mean take a look at the picture below. What is the difference between the two. In fact I can't look again. It is bringing back memories of days in the village running away from huge as heck masquerades. Terrendifying experience.

As in I am highly upset over this photo shoot. Highly Highly upset. They are wasting her features and beauty on arrant nonsense. They are just being plain unfair and nee dto start playing up her strengths not trying to create something else out of her. Jade's picture as a mannequin came out on top but Brooke just could not nail it. The next photo shoot suited Brooke the most, but she failed to use the advantage she had as a cry baby to get a good picture and was sent packing. Nnenna on the other hand had a better session when she really started crying. I felt her crying oh. She must have remembered some deep stuff from the past and was missing her family to have cried like that. I sure as heck know she wasn't crying for John o, because she was like she would give up John to be a model. And I say to John, 'Sorry O.'

In there somewhere Joanie spent long hours at the dentist fixing her teeth. Poor girl was in pain the whole time and still nailed her pictures. So did Danielle, who refused to close her gap. Is it just me or can'tTyra make up her mind. One day she wants to change the industry and show that beuaty comes in different pacages, another day she is basically just perpetrating the negative side of this business which does not accept all as equally beautiful. I personally like Danielle's gap and don't see what is so ugly about it that they want to close it up.

These pictures from last weeks photo shoot were also on point. It is supposed to be a Payless shoe ad but I guess the UPN webmaster decided to amputate the picture. I am really digging that berry lipstick they used on her. In fact I went and bought the L'Oreal HIP version of that color. It is the one that Oluchi is wearing in the look-book. Look for it at your local drug store.

This is one of my favorite head shots of her so far. Not to sound funny but something about this picture evokes an image of Super Eagles Supporters Club at a football match. It is the 'Naija Green' and the 'Area-Boy' looking dude with white face. That his T-shirt and Face cap look like matching brocade fila and danshiki like you would see at soccer games.

BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IN B-FLAT

Hippie Easter with Dredlocked Afro-Bohemian Surfer Dude


Uh Hmh!! See your eyes all wide, waiting for gist, I just wanted to get your attention jare.
Anyways hope ya'll had a wonderful Easter weekend. Much to my surprise I had wonderful weekend. I thought I was gonna be sad and spend the day at home. Usually I dedicate Easter to go to my friend Ndidi's home in Greensboro. I have always done that since my sophomore year, may be missed it once in there, but I always looked forward to it, especially her mom's cornbread. However, I was so far from being miserable.

My weekend started off right. My people say no condition is permanaent, but fools don't know that. I finally found a decent and affordable car to supplement my bicycle. It's no 'Merce' but I can pose in it sha and compared to my other rides, this one is a Bentley. Speaking of Bentley, one of my new aquintance (let's call him Mr. B) was very proactive it helping me arrange stuvs. As much as I yab Nigerians for their k-leggedness and crooked way, sometimes it is good to have people in various works and spheres of life. Including the kpoms, kpows and ashies. That bit is self explanatory.
So back to my story. So I got the car men and I was just too happy. As I just cranked the engine, I just started to speak in tongues and pray on the car. Gotta chase all evil away from it. Mr. B had 20 vip tickets to a soccer game, LA Galaxy vs Chivas. He said I could invite my friend, the Bohemian Surfer dude, let's call him 'River'. He's Nigerian and he is mad cool peeps. The game was a different experience. We watched the game from the booth. It looked likeI was standing in front of some giant big screen TV for real. You know me and how I can be bush sometimes, I took off my shoes and was chilling and jumping like as if I was in my living room. I had to be an active participant, this was no English Premiership so I had to try extra hard.

After that we met up with another friend, 'Sasha', and his friends. Sasha is one fine bros that's off the market because homie just got engaged. So excited for him. Ironically he and his wifey were in elementary and high school but they never talked.By way of reputation and association he was too cool for her then. You can just say he has since picked up his cracked face from the floor because the are such a cute couple. So all you 'Am a G' peeps, okoro feeling too funkys, still carrying on with some foolish high school wind effect need to kill that shyznit because that kid you bullied and made life miserable for might just be 'the one'. Anyways 'River', 'Sasha' and I all went to elementary and high school together and the last time we'd hung out with one another was in like 2000 or 2001 so we were catching up and gisting. The next day we went to church, and sight seeing at the beach and then watched some kungfu flick and Four Brothers (that movie is deep).

Anyways the projected prognosis of my time in Cali if looking very positive now that I have a car, am making friends in 'the city' and meeting new people. The part i'ld love most are the beaches, which really look like they do in Baywatch, the Tv series. I saw one of the yellow patrol trucks and I was like 'Yo, that's the Baywatch Car.' Ya'll know I keeps it real. Not to mention the fact that I was about to step all over one rat looking chihuahua that thought it could step to me as we were walking down Manhattan Beach. I was trying so hard to hold my leg from kicking the animal into the ocean.

Meanwhile, speaking about bohos and hippies, I don't know what it is with me, but I hate dressing up to work in business attire. It is so not me. I tried so hard, but I am back to my hippie ways. Cotton tunics, jeans, sandals and just being plain comfortable. I really need to find a niche that fits my ecclectic afro-centric bohemian and fashion trendy ways. God help me, but I am dying to wear my afro out, but that is my little secret for now. Off to bed now, not much else to gist ya'll about. Tune in Thursday morning for ANTM wrap up and some freebie pictures. Peace out

EXCLUSIVE PAPARAZZI UPDATE

An Amebo Scoops City People

You saw this one first on 'According to Adaure'. An update on the wedding website report. See archive if you have not read this story yet. Remember my favorite wedding website www.adeolawedshakeem.com. Well an insider returned from attending the 'pre-wedding' event this past Saturday. How about our groom landed the engagement in a HELICOPTER!!!!! Ogaju o!! Nna Na you biko!!! Enough effizy!!! As in we still dey wide-eye for stretch limo-jeep and ol'boy brings out a HELO!!! I am still waiting for more information that I can share with you. The wedding itself is on the 15th, so you can be rest assured there are surprises to come. Until then marinade on the oppression that has just been metted out. Ovation anybody, City people won't have it in colored gloss print, or have they upgraded?

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP CRY BABY

She Also Has Something against Africans

Another episode of ANTM has come an gone, never shying of drama. Today Brooke the girls form Corpus Christy decided to 'wig' out on Nnenna. I guess Nnenna's need tell John what her intentions for him are made her forget say no be im papa get phone. Brooke went into the phone booth and started spitting some unrelated rhymes about how she doesn't understand how Nnenna is a chemist and doesn't understand the concept of a phone. She went further to call my sister a 'bitch'. As Jealousy Parallelogram, like Evi-Edna once said. The bellus did not end there. I guess she became upset because Nnenna is always laughing at her and calling her a cry baby, because she does cry a lot. She went on to say that Nnenna thinks she is so special because she is African and if Africa is so great, then she should go back. AWWWW HEEELLLLLLAAAAA NAAAHHH!!!! That horse face did not just go there. Tell me she did not take it there o. I am surprised Nnenna did not get wind of that, I would like to see her reaction to such foolish statement. But as she rightfully said, does she look like she cares. The babe is safe and very close to winning this thing so all the haters suppose begin carry bag abeg.

So unto the challenge. The black tweedle-Dee and tweedle-dum after Jenny Craig, Richard and Ron Harris came to teach the girls how to 'swirl'. Na wa for job sha. The two grown men decided their goal in life was to be 'swirlers'. To teach people how to turn around in circles...Artistically'. In there very fake and bad cross between a British and wasp accent they proceeded to swirl saliva onto the camera. Since when did height end in 'th'.

Leslie struggled with her stiff high butt through out the show. Tyra said she has a duck butt, I think it is more like a chicken's. I guess no one appreciates her bakassi as much as Nigerian bros probably are.

The challenge was to 'swirl' at a church fashion show and win a diamond ring worth 25k. I think they were unfair to Nnenna by giving her nothing to swirl in. They gave her some mini skirt but gave the rest extra fabric that gave them more flair. Jade and Joanie were the competition in that but much to everyone's chagrin Jade was the better J. Still a self absorbed egotistical maniacical idiot. Far from hating, but by golly does she get on my nerves. Meanwhile, the black girls seem to be dominating on the challenges and picking each other. Wassup with that. Please spread the love.

Another half dry show, but again Nnenna is still safe. After winning last weeks Cover Girl of the Week, she nails her picture down with her mouth full of perfect white and shiny African teeth. Thanks to all those years of using Close-Up toothpaste. But come oh, has any body ever wondered whether the girl gets cold. How come when everybody is wearing sweat shirts, turtle neck and looking 'cold', my African sister decides to bust out wearing singlet/wife-beater. Is it just me wondering that? Anyways, that's all I have for you today, by the way Ms Jay stick to being a runway coach, that crumping thing you did can make a baby cry.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BABY

Knock Yourself Out with Your Brandy and Juice

My little baby sister Nnenne also popularly known to us as Nenebom alias Nanio, Blackie, Susie, Kunta-Kinte and Gbazaqueen turns 20 today April 11. Yippie!! I remeber when I used to carry you on my back. We'd drop you from the dresser, dining table or the window sill so many times that i'm surprised you didn't have any brain damage. I'ld also sing for you so you will stop crying, 'Nnennem O, ezigbo Nnemu a, chukwu biko gozie Nnem o nye y'oganiru...nne mu ma nma obukwa nnemu a, nne mu jo njo , obukwa nnemu a, nne mu ka nka obukwa nnemu a, chukwu biko gozie nnem o nye y'ogairu '. Usually throwing you in the air and shouting 'kunta-kinte' would do the trick to shut you up. And how about your pet chicken, Belina-the red-hen. Poor Beli-beli, we watched her grow from a spring chick to a rambuqtous edible hen. We had to kill her that Christmas because she was stumping on all her eggs. Mama-kwuku said she was a wicked and useless barren chicken. You refused to eat the rice- and-stew and cried the whole day. But you had to face the dilemma at hand. Accepting the reality or starvation, while watching everybody else enjoy the delicacy that was the tantalizing chicken stew Belina turned out to be. You succumbed and ate your rice and chicken through tears. I can never forget that day. We were all sad for you, but who were you fooling, what african had a hen as house-pet that wasn't just going through the fattening process.

You've grown into a young woman and sometimes I am sad I missed all that as a big sister. Even despite your age and the fact that you can be a spoiled brat sometimes, you are wise and mature beyond your age('Bad behaviour is like pregnancy, you cannot hide it', how profound). Remember those days when you insisted you would have a party for yourself because no one wanted to throw a party for you. You gathered all the little kids in the compound to take a picture with you in your little brides dress and your one candle bread cake from Mama Kaka. Lol. Even with just one crate of mineral, a box of Cabin biscuit and Okin, you always made sure you had yourself a good birthday regardless of the situation. How about when we told you the reason you were so black and ended up with the hand me downs was because you had been abandoned and were adopted. You cried so hard that you packed your bags and called your god parents to come and pick you up because it was an emergency and that if they didn't come you'ld run away. Oh boy that was so funny, mummy and daddy begged you to stay and guess who got punished for the prank that everybody including the neighbors were in on. Me!!!

I won't even start telling the story of how I lost you at the mission square during the village-masquerade festival. You were so much trouble and could not walk the long distances with us and I would have to carry you on my back. I knew that would happen and refused to take you with me. I guess mummy was trying to teach me a lesson in love when she made me believe I had lost my little sister and said not to come back without finding you. Hungry and scared I looked for your @$$ all over the darned place, crying and refusing to go home until I found you. Everybody in the village knew I'd lost you and were helping me in looking for you. How about I went back to the house 3 hours later and you were chilling on the dining table eating goat meat and drinking coke; mummy laughing so hard it made me cry even more. Arrrgggh!!! She got me, I learnt my lesson and I never ever let you out of my sight ever again. I guess that's why we are so close because I felt you were my responsibility.

Happy Birthday my darling parrot. Wish I could be there to celebrate with you. I am missing you and all your gisting. Forever never disapointing my insatible appetite for gist. I was going to use this phone cardI'd been saving to call Mati but I am using it on you today instead ( Mat-mat biko no vex). If ya'll think I'm funny, wait till you meet Nnenne, she's the original funny one...GBAZA!!! Na you biko. All you 'yahoo-yahoos' bera hans-off. Nne keep holding down the crib on my behalf I'll be calling you and 'Onyena-pempem' soon for this weeks update. LUV YOU LOTS!!!!!!!!

GET MY NAME RIGHT

Don't try to Guess, Just ask

I started to write about something else, but my attention was diverted when I looked at my mail. Once again, some rocket scientist has decided to christian me with a name different form the one my parents gave me. Lately, my name has been taking the knife. Being butchered left and right. In the past I would take time to correct them, but now it's a constant barrage of a variety misspellings and mispronunciation that I have tuned out totally. And what the heck am I supposed to say when some one says 'Oh that's unusual'. The one the gets me infuriated, especially over the phone at work is when I get an 'Oh that's interesting' or 'That's an odd name'. As OMG people, learn how not to be so tongue-in-cheek. Am I supposed to say 'Thank you' after you've just made me feel like I just won a spot at 'Mr. Ripley's Believe it or Not' Museum in between the Indian man with the longest nails and the goat with two heads. Since I am so used to getting complimented about my name, not insulted, I always end up saying 'Thank you' and then rolling my eyes at the realization that I have yet again been insulted. Chuckling in sarcasm I garner grace to move on the issue at hand or just say 'yeeeeah', in the most uninterested and uncertain manner. To those smart enough to read between the lines, that's PC for 'Whatever Loser.'
Then there are the letters in the mail. Obviously, to get something in the mail you must have either spelt, written or typed your name and address for someone on a form or something. So how is it that my name is/names are always misspelled on every darn item, even the ones that I meticulously wrote in my best handwriting. The kind of handwriting that I employed in recopying my Integrated Science and Biology notes back in my ISL days during the summer breaks. That was usually the height of my excitement aside from trying to do Evil-Knievel stunts down the hills at the Old Alvan Ikoku College (now TESAC) in Orlu. My diagram of the heart was definitely a heart-stopper, so were my diagrams of the reproductive organs the brain and the nervous system. As in my classmates were lining up to borrow my notes or giving me their note books to draw for them in exchange for cake woman's N3 cream cake or N2 'donut' from the kiosk. I remember giving my notebook to somebody only to get it back with palm-oil and stew stains on it. Can you imagine, boy was I livid. Anyways that's the long and short of my best handwriting story. My sister even still kept some of my note books and used it during her SSCE exams, 5 years after I graduated. Digression.
As I was saying, about my name being butchered. In North Carolina, It was never this bad. AT least people will try or apologize before trying. Not so in California. They've totally renamed me.
The most hilarious of all was the police PIO. He made me Japanese by calling me 'Hatouri' and even replying my email with that as a salutation. Too funny. He apologised about it though and I guess he told one of his other colleagues how he bastardized my name because the next day he'd joked about it. Then there are people who want to call me Andrea(English and Spanish forms), Audrey, Adore, Aduare Adair, Adria. Then there are those Nigerians who insist on telling me 'how to really say' my name or even spell it. As if my parents who gave me the name and say it the way I say it are idiots. Hello!! The 'a' in the middle is silent, it is next to a dominant vowel and in Igbo language that's the rule. And just because that 'a' is silent does not mean it should disappear altogether. Therefore it is not 'Adure' or even 'Adire', or 'Adura' for the ones that try to be funny. They know themselves.

My name is such a beautiful name with such a beautiful meaning (first daughter of pride or bringer of pride) that it is very upsetting to see it butchered. There was a time when I hated my name so much that I gave myself a new name, Alexandra, Alex or Ally for short. Blame the Sweet Valleys and Mills and Boon. To make matters worse some guy called Zubi Enebeli decided to revive Rex Lawson's 'Love Adure', a song that I thought was long forgotten. A song that my uncles, cousins and siblings tortured me with. You know, there's nothing more annoying to a child than for someone to mock you in a song using your name. Ironically, four of us kids had some igbo highlife songs with our names so when one person starts singing with your name, you start singing with his or her name. For example, the theme song for Zebrudaya's New Masquerade on NTA is called 'Eddie Quansa Bio Bio' but it sounds like 'Eji Bonse' and my brother's name is Ejike/Eji, hense that was the song forhim. Then there's another highlife song by Joe Nez called 'Oh Nnenne O' and my little sister's name is Nnenne. So you can imagine, on days when we are all fighting, and there were many, it is a concert. So basically this razz Zubi Enebeli decided to release this song and I was so upset. As in could he not have waited till I graduated from high school. You can imagine what I was greeted with the next day I got to school. Yes, the whole class, singing 'Adoooray, Adooray, dooray'. Argh!!! From that day someone decided to nickname me 'Love Adaure' and it's stuck ever since. That song is now one of my favorites, more like my theme song, so I guess I have reclaimed the dignity. LOL.

Anyways I have decided that if I cannot win the battle I must join, so if the name is that hard to pronounce or spell, biko don't bite your tongue. Just ask me and I will tell you. I will even school you on the history and heritage of the culture and the reason why I am named so. The grammatical construction of the prefix and suffix, the assonance and alliteration, etc etc comma comma fullstop and so on and so forth. In fact you can even decide to call me by a few nick names, like Ada, Adoo, Addy or even Triple-A. In fact don't even bother with all that, just call me 'Ah'.

MAPQUEST ANYONE?

Jade REALLY needs direction

Today's show was not as hot as last week but all the same it was still full of drama, all pun intended. Today's lesson ofcourse was to teach the models how to act, by showing them how not to act. Tyra's fall/ fainting spell was so obviously fake. As she needs to calm down with all that jumping around thinking she is some super star actress. Abeg.
WIth the theme being about drama, you know that had to play up Nnenna's issues with her boyfriend John. Spekaing of whom, that boy needs to be flogged. As in does he not know this is a competition. And why the heck is Nnenna allowing that 'winch' Jade to put her nose inside something that does not concern her. Who made her Dr. Phil? Stupid Amebo Oshi always having one excuse or the other and blaming other people. Why didn't Tyra kick her off? There should be no pity for her any more but they're probably just keeping her for drama effect, I imagine she'll be gone next week. The girl is majorly whack, that's why she hasn't been a model all this while. With an ego like that, she better form her own agency because no one will hire her. And is it just me or is she not beginning to look like one of those yellow-pepper house girls with that her dirty looking ankara that can kill all the fish in River Niger. All that's missing is a bucket of water. Plus me thinks Nnenna is getting awfully chummy with this Jade biatch of a girl. She'd better watch out.
So Furonda won the challenge and landed a 'role' on Veronica Mars. Ok UPN, like relaly, ya'll know you can do better than a one line secretary gig for a whole Tyra banks show. I mean get her a spot on Girlfriends or something.

They also got to hang out with Nick Cannon to do improvs like they do on his show Wild n' Out. It was so dry. But it was funny how Nnenna pulled out some Ras Kimono-Junior & Pretty Raps that didn't even go with the beat. Poor Girl, I am sure her naija friends are torturing her about her rhyming skills. Boyfriend and Jade adding drama aside, Nnenna's commercial was aight she got her lines down but it just lacked that hmph factor (Ms Jade again said she was boring). No particular person in my opinion did well but Furonda's improv lines were the best.

Next week's preview shows Brooke saying Nnenna is just a biatch. I wonder what that's about. I would hope Jade has not gotten into Nnenna's head and started influencing her. Anyway the show was not too hot so I don't have much to be colorful about.

Meanwhile it appears I have been relegated to weekly blogging. I am so busy during the day and just too tired when I get home that I just go to bed. I have been sleeping so much that I am now fat. I tried to do something fun this past weekend. Went down to Santa Barbara for a free 'play-play' photoshoot. My new hobby thanks to my discovery of model mayhem. Long story...will be blogging about that in due time. Bottom line I had fun and I am like where the heck was this website when I was 17. This headshot is from the shoot,MY HAIR GREW...YEE!!! I have to say I am having a reverse complexion complex. I WANT TO BE BLACK, I hate being so light skin. :)Can't wait to get on the beach and start tanning, paleness doesn't work for me at all. Oh is anybody watching Ocean and 8th on MTV? Love it!!!

It has also been raining here all week. I mean I thought 7 days rain was a phenomenon only in Nigeria. We have had 14 days of straight rain, landslides and all sorts of flooding, including an earth quake today. I wonder which 'Baba rainmaker' is causing all this havoc.

Some interesting items in the news this past week. I'll be brief

DUKE LACROSE TEAM RAPE: I am sure ya'll have heard about this investigation going on. Members of the Lacrose team at the prestigious preppy Duke University raped a black girl whose's a stripper attending the HBCU down the road, NC Central. Let me first say that I am upset that a young black woman attending University will stoop so low as to be a stripper. Then I upset with the fact that she returned to the house even after an initial exchange made her fellow stripper friends leave. Apparently the coach resigned today, going to show that this is not going away anytime soon. However, my beef is with the University and the people doing the investigation. As much as I hate bringing up the race issue, ya'll know if that was the UNC or NC State football or Basket Ball Team, ans this was a white girl were talking about, they would have bundled their black azzes to central prison. Guilty before proven innocent. That's the way it works for black people, but because here we have a bunch of rich white kids, it's a different case. They want to handle it with care. They are dragging their feet. DNA test results don't take that long to return. I wonder if they are cooking up a cover up. Anyways check out my old station www.abc11tv.com for the latest info.

KATIE COURIC: Ok I don't understand the hype about this woman. She's wack. Diane Sawyer in my opinion is so much better than her. But you go Katie, you've acheived what we all know would take a few more years for a 'sistuh' or a 'brother' to get. I mean let's face it, ABC didn't give Carole Simpson a chance because they felt America was not ready to see a black woman as an evening news anchor.

JILL CAROLL: Pretty damn good actress. This is the journalist who 'claims' she was kidnapped in Iraq. Gurl, you need to tell us whose payroll you are on because your story is too damn fishy.

MOTHER PARIS: I hear Paris Hilton has been picked to star in a movie as Mother Theresa because she is the closest looking to the late mother. I guess her 'praying mantis' look got her the role. This is either the worst insult they could possibly give this woman, or this could be Paris turning point to 'good' acting. She could end up surprising everybody.

CHARLES TAYLOR: Wow!!! I ever thought this moment would come but I am proud Nigeria turned him over. The guy was pretty dumb, tryin to pul that escape stunt, but he claims CID officials set him up.

FEMI FANI KAYODE: This is Obasanjo's mouth piece, and a very bad mouth has he. The guy can yab. Don't even attempt to cross him because he will wash you down. At first I was annoyed with him because I would expect better from someone like him. I mean if you are going to respond to issues, you should respond in a very classy manner and retort to inform. But not so for FFK. He will curse you, you father, your grand mother, your great grand father and your ancesters beyond. Just yesterday I read his response to Charles Taylor's claims about the CID in the LA Times. O'l boy said, 'that claim is a figment of his jaundiced imagination.' I bursted out laughing. Kai only in naija. Gotta love it man.

MY FAMILY: A handful of colorful characters. Funerals or not, tehre must be something dramatic that will make you laugh so hard that it would hurt. My peeps went to the village to lay my uncle to rest and I called to check in. Boy did my sister, Nnenne, have a mouthful to tell me. I wish I could divulge, but I can't, not just yet. Look out for it in my book which I will have to start creating time once again to continue writing. My year long writer's block had better unblock itself.

Ok so that's my week in one post. Laters peeps