CONFESSIONS OF THE OUT-OF-PLACE GIRL AT THE POLO CLUB

Decked in White and Sipping Structured Water

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon. I had been invited to a fashion show in Montecito but wasn't sure if I was up to another hour and half drive from Santa Maria. I had driven down the day before for a photo shoot that wasn't as much fun. Plus I was burping a bit too much from the half gallon of sugared-milk that I decided to drink. I all of a sudden decided I was lacking Calcium and Vitamin D in my diet so I decided to chug down some milk. Need I mention that my fart smelled like baby poop the entire day(like ya'll don't fart and inhale the sweet smell. You know you're wishing you can make money off of it by packaging it as stink bombs:-)) It was also a very hot Saturday and I was not looking forward to being in the sun again, especially after my face was still burning from the eyebrow waxing that I underwent on Friday. The lady practically peeled my face off. That was my fault though because I know that my skin is very sensitive and even more so lately as I have been using my Retin-A cream more religiously than my checkbook can tolerate. A sign that I have to bring the uni-brows back into style or go through the punishment of individually and painfully plucking my eyebrows with a tweezer or risking getting cut with a razor.

By noon, after I determined there was no way I could make it to church and get to Santa Barbara Polo Club in Montecito on time. Actually the club is in a little city called Carpenteria which is right in between Montecito and Santa Barbara. But nobody knows about Carp, so for the purpose of this blog entry, I went to Montecito Ok. I got into my car, not before I attempted to play mechanic and check my engine oil and coolant level. Boy was that a mistake because I had the car running when I opened the radiator and had green liquid splash all over my engine. Why do I like to attempt unattainable feats that are much beyond my abilities and propencity. Fortunately the green stuff didn't get on my freshly laundered white linen skirt and t-shirt. I hit the 101 freeway listening to my Tosin Martins cd. I had track numbers 3, 8 and 9 on over drive that it is now scratched up.
I drove into the polo club an hour and a half later, not knowing what to expect. Actually I knew what to expect, but I was not prepared to park next to them in my unwashed and dingy looking Nissan Infiniti, which I felt like just parking next to the horse stables. I mean this is Santa Barbara, and the Polo club at that so the amount of Bentleys, Jags, Rolls and Benzes messed with my self esteem for a split second. At which time I had to reach deep down into my bag of my multiple personalities and bring out 'Serengeti Princess' who could handle this kind of environment. Nothing can trip Serengeti Princess, she freaking owns her own Kingdom and rides around on a lion, which can destroy a Jaguar anytime anyday.
Since I had been invited to the fashion show by 'Red Rough Rider Couture', by Michelle Nichols, an upcoming designer, I figured I'ld try to find her first and do the proper introductions. I asked one of the attendants for where the fashion show would be held and he pointed me to where the models were. Some back room in the grandstand, they were all dressed in white. I naively went there and everyone was just staring at me and asking me my name and all as if they were expecting me. As I walked in to the room where the designer and the models were, in the all white and candy red lipstick, it occured to me that the attendant, andthe models thought I was one of the models. Oh what a charming little error...ha ha ha. It added a little more air to my Serengeti Princess bubble as I made my way around to the grand stand where everybody else was watching the polo game. I made my way up the stand and found a nice spot. However an dunfortunately so it was no VIP section, so Addy had to sit under the sun and get blackened. I threw on my Oliver Peoples meets Dior knockoffs and balanced in the sun and just people watched along with the game. I thought to my self as I observed the ritziness of women walking around in ubiquitous hats and all manners of sunglasses, some overly stretched out due to botox and plastic surgery, lips-a-pout and boobs-a-perked, it must be nice to be rich. This was by no means the Kentucky Derby or the Royal Ascot, I mean those are the 'muthas' of all ritzy bourgie events. If there were any nouveau riche, wanna-bes (of which I am sur ethere were) and perpertrators, such as myself, you really couldn't tell us apart because we all blended in well with our disguises, some eating thier over priced salmon abd sipping on Don P. Well with the exception of a number of people and ofcourse the stable keepers and waiting staff. I quickly made new friend, a very nice lady who told me a lot about the club and the games that have been going on. This was the Pacific Coast Championship and guess which team I was rooting for, the team being sponsored by 'Jimmy Choo'. Guess what they are called? AH DUH!!! 'JIMMY CHOOS'. Now to the fundamentals of the game of Polo, of which I know absolutely nothing about. The only time I had ever seen a game of Polo was driving past the Polo Club in Lagos along some road in Victoria Island. The closest I have evn come to a horse was probably when I had just turnedd 4 and my mom took my brother, Ejike and I to bar beach for a 'horse ride' and my brother was so scared he cried the entire time. The picture of me holding my scared little brother is somewhere in our house and it is funny. The second encouter with a horse was with 'Black Beauty' the book, and since then I have cared more about the horses at Derby's and Polo games than I have about the people. I mean it was so horrible what they did to Black Beauty. Anyways I had to make good interesting conversation, so I told them the only Polo game I'd ever been to was when I was ten. Which, technically is the truth because there was go-slow on the road/overpass near the Polo Club and we were in it for over 30 minutes, so it ain't like my lowly estate self lied. I just conveniently left the details out. Anyways below are some of the pictures from the event.

The VIP section of the Grand Stand
The fashion show begins


The Passing of the Medals and Jackets

Jimmy Choo vs Monsour

Addy baking away in the sun...my new polo club friend

The Designer in the middle with some of her models of the day

Addy enjoying and posing with the nice Montecito View
If you look well you can find Oprah on the beach o because this is her hood

Don't mind my uncombed hair. Haven't worn my hair this way in a while and I kinda like it. This is also the first time I have seen a picture of me in these humongous glasses and boy do I look like a bug with an Afro. Lol... even at that it still does not make my five-head an smaller.

And lastly, why the heck do marketing companies feel they can feed us some BS just so that they can sell stuff. So they put this enervgy drink and 'structured water' in the gift basket. The way the bottle is labeled and packaged you would think that if you just took one sip of the water you would get some kind of magical or super bionic power. Check this out from the label of the "Ed Hardy Structured Water"
"....has the perfect pH balance and is designed using a propreitary state of the art quantum physics technology. Our structured living water is treated with reverse osmosis for maximum purity as well as infra-red stimulation and electromagnetism to create the best positively charged hexagonally shaped 'structured water' ever. By using our proprietary technology we are able to break up the larger molecule clusters into smaller hexagonally shapned and now structured molecules which are more easily absorbed by the cells inside our bodies. The absorption rate of hexagonally shaped structured water molecules is as much as four times more efficient than whater that is not structured, which enables you drink less water while acheiving hydration faster and more effeciently. This water is naturally alkalized calcium ionized living water"
WHAT A CROCK OF BULLOCKS!!!! Is this a chemistry lab solution or just some plain old 'PURE WATER' in plastic bottle. As in I am even afraid to drink this water (took a sip and it tastes like vinegar) because only God know what sort of experiment this is. I mean can you just say the water has been purified and is safe for consumption. What the heck is hexagonally shapened infra red stimulating electromagnetically and molecularly structured water. Doesn't that sound like poison. And then not to mention the Radioactive Energy drink which reads ""Energy from the dark world of energy drink overlaod and activate your sense with the glow of radioactive energy. Charged with hypernuclear surge of extreme energy...." That sounds more like what Saddam gave the Kurds. Anyways I just happened to be interested in what these were and just discovered how odd their packaging was. What do you think about this and what are the strangest forms of marketing, advertsing and packaging that you have noticed (and I don't mena the SuperBowl type commercials, we know those are for kicks and attention... I am talking more like that repetively annoying 'Active-On Apply Directly to your Forehead' type )