Monday, July 24, 2006
Saturday, July 22, 2006
I've decide to spare ya'll of any more wedding stuff so if you want to see any of the new webbies you may have to go through the comment section. Anyways this post is a collection of some random moments in weekend.
Addy Discovers the Oven.
So I have lived in this house for six months now and only just discovered the oven, how to use it and also how to bake. My oven adventures in the past have been limited to some attempts at BBQ chicken, steak, potatoes and cake (naija days). I am told those turned out ok. Other mishaps have included baking my water-logged jollof rice and beans. But this time around, I really out did myself o. I went and bought some frozen fish fillet and boneless chicken breast. Long-throat was making me feel like buying shrimp but I had to think about the swollen eyes I would have to deal with for two days if I did. So I seasoned the fish and chopped some onions and tomato and broccoli, wrapped it in foil and and threw it into the oven. Daaaannnggg!!!! I can't wait to serve this to 'Mr. Right' when he shows up. This is about to be my signature.
Addy Plays Molly Maid
So I decided to stay home today and try to do some cleaning. Planne on washing my car today but someone stole the garden hose so I have to go and dash Mobil $7 for a 'haphazz' machine wash that leave streaks and spots. But good choice because it was 115 degrees outside today. In the mean time I cleaned my room and arranged my closet. The closet is still under construction so I shall continue that on Sunday. I also have a suitcase that I threw in all my mail and junk that need to be sorted out and also did laundry. As I was sorting my closet, I realize how 'stuck-on-brown' I have become. Not just in clothes but most especially in shoes. I have 12 pairs of brown shoes and yesterday I bought another. I think this is the psychological effect from wearing and earnesly searching for 'Brown sandals and shoes' while going to school in Nigeria. Funny thing is that when I see a pair of nice brown shoes I always go 'Damn wish I was back in ISL'. Lol.. ya'll know waht I am talking about. You know how it is on the first day back from August break especially, everybody is always checking out the new shoes. For a long time I swore that I would never buy another pair of brown shoes but now I just can't seem to put them down. That's another thing I need to discuss with my shrink when we meet about the other issue, the website stalking.
Addy Rethinks her Wedding Plan
I know I said I would stay off teh wedidng topic but I had an epiphany today that I just have to write about. For the past... oh say....may be 4 years, I have had my wedding plan down. Lately I have had the luxury to throw in a few things as I wait for God to throw in the 'groom', his friends and family into the mix. But as I admiring some other wedding pictures and aso-ebi colors, it hit me like a lightening bolt that my plan had been so totally messed up. Like OMG. So my plan was built with an EX in mind and without his consultation or knowledge (I guess now he knows). This is all me creating plans just because and not to mention without the question not to talk of ring. Very typically Adaure. Anyways the plan was to have the brides side in Duke Blue and Carolina Blue (him and me) and the grooms side in Yellow and Green (Berkeley and ISL). Do ya'll feel my drift here, the color choices held some sentimental value so you now see where the problem comes in and how the color scheme will now be messed up. And imagine if 'Mr Right' shows up saying his favorite color is something crazy, like 'orange' or some Crayoloa mess. God forbid he went to NC State and decides he wants 'Red'. I mean really, what the HECK is that. Horrible combinations those will make. The bridal train has to stay Carolina Blue (I'll do away with the sentimental Navy blue sash and indigo-dyed white roses) or Turquoise at least otherwise I am going to just go to a freaking registry. What's worse than a potential Bridezilla finding out her wedding plan is not going to go as planned. I guess I'll work in the kinks when 'Mr. Right' shows up. I just hope he at least likes Purple. I can throw that in with Green and I'll just stick with my shades of blue because combining any other color other than navy will be just wack. My shrink will have a field time with my file and shrinking my bank acocunt too.
Addy Get of You Tube and Phone Home
I have been having an 'E.T' moment and missing home badly. So I am about to get on the phone to call my family, just waiting for them to wake up and start getting ready for church before I call. Meanwhile as everybody else is blogging on the You Tube level me sef wan blog my own o. I have been comforting myself with some Nigerian music videos via the infamous You Tube as I tend to end up doing on Saturdays and Sundays when I am home alone and have no book or bible chapter to read. That site is DA BOMB!! As in I won't lie about the fact that sometimes I have nothing better to do, even though I try to act it. But there's some good stuff on that site. I have watched several documentaries and short films and seen stuff from Iraq and the current wahala in Isreal and Lebanon. That stuff is BETTER THAN MTV. Thinking about it, I should upload some of my stuf ftoo..hmh.. I sit on that one. Anyways I am sure ya'll have seen Lagbaja's video 'Never Far Away.' Isn't that song, and the video, just TOO BAD. I mean Lagbaja never disappoints, but he over did and out did himself in this one. I wish we'ld see more Nigerian videos like this. Speaking of seeing, I understand that when asked when he will reveal his face, he said 'When the average Nigerian can afford food.' Now is that not a very power-filled statement. I know he said he aint no Fela but man does that sound like something Fela would say. Visit his website at http://www.lagbaja.com (yeee the u-tube thingy finally worked... i can be so retarded some times).
Also found this really funny video... at least it was funny to me, dunno bout you
Yeah Yeah... i know... I really need to get out of Santa Maria more often before I go OFFICIALLY CRAZY!!!!! Oh well may be a trip to LA will do the trick. Speaking of which check out the new issue of www.nigerianentertainment.com. There's a bunch of interesting artists profiled and interviewed in this 'Hip-Hop' issue like Sauce Kid and Wale Oyejide. I was like Omo I am very green and uninformed when it comes to certain aspects of Nigerian entertainment. Much of which had to do with my anti-hip-hop-machine-taking-over-drums phase. Now I guess I have heard so much of it that I am like 'Oh well If you can't beat them might as well join them'. However I do pick and choose and some of the stuff coming out is actually good stuff. But while you are one the website, abeg branch look my article on Oris Ehruero from the HBO movie on Rwanda 'Sometimes in April' and make sure you leave a note in the comment section. That's all for now. I never baff today and night don come so make I go baff before my B.O will kill all my roommates. PEACE!!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Back to the Basic
I am back in Santa Maria California to my lonely and miserable existence after a FABULOUS weekend in Atlantic City and Parsipanny New Jersey. I am beginning to knock myself for leaving the East Coast because that is definitely where it's at. Things are happening there all the time in the 'nigerian crowd'. I will not bore you with tha philosophy as I know that's definitely not what you want to read about. I shall break this gist down in phases so that you can paint the picture in your mind's eye and follow along vividly with the story. I will try my best not to leave anything out so enjoy as I reflect on my journey to attend Deej and Ro's wedding or should we just start calling them 'DejRoty', 'Dejotola' or 'Ogunremekun' modeling after the Bennifer and Brangelina fame. You decide which one works best.
I got to La Guardia at 6.30 am Thursday morning after catching the red eye flight around 9 pm Wednesday. I thought I would be able to catch some sleep but unfortunately for me I got caught up reading 'Love Noire' byErica Turpinseed. I am supposed to be reviewing it and the sequel but I could not take any notes as I was engrossed in the scandalous prose. The whole Idea of taking the red eye was to get to the city early and cacth the first bus out to Atlantic city. Needless to say that plan did not work out. Sometimes I don't know why I punish myself. Actually I can justify it for this trip because taking a flight from SMX, Santa Barbara or San Luis Obispo would have cost me an extra $200 to $250. I guess I like to feel like a Ninja sometimes and always cutting corners. Actually my friend Mo-ho says I am a Ninja. That's really a tongue-in-cheek way of saying I am a hustler without yapping me. Lol. Once I got my luggage I went out to wait for the bus to Grand Central only to find out that the first bus came at 8am. The private shuttle service was charging $5 more than the regular bus so I decided to just continue reaidng my book and wait. The bus came and I got to Grand Central around 9am thanks to the horrific rush hour traffic. The bus driver I swear drove that bus like a molue meandering between the small cars along the high way leading to Oyingbo Market. I ended up missing the 9.30 bus because this one mean lady just was not being helpful and sent me the wrong way. Then I had to decide between Greyhound which was cheaper but not reliable on timing or the New Jersey Transit Bus which was on-time, more frequent but more expensive. The decision was not too hard to make because neither was going to get me to Atlantic City any faster. I got on the 10am Greyhound bus which was really the 10.30 bus and got to Atlantic City at noon. My Aunt P.C and her husband were at work so she sent me to Atlantic Medical Centre where her husband worked because it is right across the street from the terminal. Uncle KC treated me to $20 bucks for cafeteria food which cost only $5. Omo I pocketed the change to offset my transportation money. He wouldn't get off work till 3pm so he was like 'go and parambulate the town'. I took the opportunity to go and look for a dress for 'THE WEDDING'. I had been having doubts about what I had originally planned to wear. You know hwo it is when doubt sets in. This could have set the tone for the wedding for me and the way I saw it I would not have been too happy. I walked all over downtown Atlantic City and eventually someone pointed out to me that their were some luxury stores at the Pier at Ceasars Palace. Hmh.....Burberry, BCBG, Ferragamo, Betsey Johnson etc etc. I was like abeg where is the regular mall where they have Macy's and Nordstrom. That one was a long ways away so I decided to go and check out 'the pier'. How about as I just stepped in to 'the pier' I happened upon the BCBG store and decided to just branch and take a look. Then suddenly something bright and yellow caught my eyes and my heart skipped a beat. I looked up and saw the 'RED' sign that read '70%'. I felt a bright halo fall upon my head and great white wings spawn from my back. The cherubs from heaven sang a loud 'Hallelujah' in C-minor. Thank You Jesus for thsi wonderful sign. I picked the dress up and boy was it beautiful...it was an extra small as well....OPE!!! Why I hesitated to try it on or even buy it right that moment is beyond me. I told them to hold it that I would return. Through out that night I had to say a prayer because I knew that I should not be going over the budget I had set for this trip.
As I waited for the rental company to deliver the next available vehicle to the house, I pretty much spent the entire day with my little cousin, her nanny and 'Granpa' my aunt's nearly 80 year old father. Now 'Granpa' is a trip. He is a deacon in the Church we used to attend during our holidays in Egbu. 'Nda Benny' or 'Daddy' as we were made to call him when we were kids does not play with his morning, noon and nightly prayers. My poor cousins, despite the fact that they are better 'christian children' that I or any of my siblings ever were are beginning to show the misery with their body language, sighs and eye-rolling movement. It is too funny because I see myself in them. I am still like that and have not changed much because I have never been a fan of those routine family prayer sessions (and that's not a good thing either). Prior to the noon prayer, poor Addy had to sit through a nearly 2 hour lecture session that inculded prayers for me to find a husband and get married as well as being chastized over not paying my tithes regularly.While I said a big amen to the former prayer I couldn't wrap my finger around 'Granpa' practically calling me a theif for robbing God. Oddly enough, the lecture came at a right time because while I gave several reasons for not being a regular tither, I had it in the back of my head that once my rental was delivered I was going to BCBG at the Pier to pick up my yellow dress. So I guess I got caught red handed robbing the Lord despite having been shown the way before the robbery. Hmh.. did I get myself into more deep water. I shall make double effort to repay for this month and that issue about tithing shall be the topic of yet another blog entry. Finally Enterprise delivered the tiny Chevy Aveo with manual every thing and no CD play at 4pm and wanted to charge me $400 for deposit. As in are you mad. I told them customer service said it was only $200 and they were like ok, we'll do that this time. Once I got the car I got my dress, returned to the house and got my luggage and hit the road, driving 2 hrs to Parsipanny. My friend Majella who was my date to the wedding was going to meet up with me there. At this point I thought to myself, why didn't I plan to go to the wedding first from NYC by coming in on Friday and driving to Atlantic City on Sunday instead of doing it the other way round. I guess common sense is very uncommon. Majeh had to finish work at the hospital and then catch the 1hr busride to Parsipanny and meet up with me at the hotel. Poor 'Majeh' ended up taking the wrong bus and had to go back to Grand Central and catch the right bus. This was at 10pm. Meanwhile I was struggling to phathom how manage my $5 in quarters disappeared. The toll was absolutely ridiculous. Stop to Piss.. toll. Stop to buy gas.. toll. Ahh Ahh!!And I didn't realize that the rest and gas stops were on the left side of the high way in stead of the right, as is the case in most functional states till I had gone through like 3 right exits and paid more toll. No wonder they can't balance their budget. I ended up runniing the last one and giving the one prior all the pennies left and was like 3 cents short. I eventually got to the hotel that I reserved on hotels.com. Ok ya'll whenever you are going on a trip, keep in mind that just because one chain of hotel is luxury in one place does not guarantee that it will be the same in another. Red Roof Inn, Ramada and Holiday Inn are all fancy and gen gen in places like Chapel Hill and Charlotte NC, but in Jersey..hmh..hmh..hmh. This Red Roof Inn was so ghettoly hoodifed that the clerk at the front desk had bullet proof glass protector and microphone like the have in those old school banks from back in the day, which they still have in some New York City banks. Then they didn't even have an iron in the room. As I walked in I was like whadehell. My body even started to itch thinking about what could possibly lie between those sheets. I pulled them up to inspect and just make sure, hoping that I would find one bug so that I can sue the heck out of them.
REHEARSAL DINNER/ WEDDING EVE
I took a quick shower and got dressed for the party, all ths while calling to check on Majeh and when she would get to the hotel. I put on my 2 year old, recycled or shall I call it 'vintage' orange polka dot shirt, belted my 'stomach' (and ya'll used to yap those naija guys who belt their trousers at the stomach) put on Trishia and headed out to locate the location of the 'parry'. I got there and was greeted by some happy and pretty faces that i'd just meet, did some meet-and-greet with some fans of 'According to' as Ogo-Vee, one of the groomsmen put it. I saw some familiar and beautiful faces of the bride-to-be and the groom-to-be, got introduced, greeted and hugged and then went on to hug some other people that I knew, most of them dudes (as I noticed...no be say anything bad thos ewere just the people I knew there) and one or two other ladies. My friend Mo-ho and Bullet were there and I basically leeched on them the entire night as Mejh didn't make it to the party becaus ethe cab company dispatcher was just being mean and kept yelling at her. LOL, so she called it a night and ordered pizza.
IT'S THE WEDDING DAY
With knots in my stomach anxious about what would become of the grand day that I had bene anticipating and raving about. I began to reflect on how boring and unexciting my life in Santa Maria is that it took someone elses wedding across the country to get me all 'high'. Majeh and I took a shower (not together sillies) I flattened my fro, and off-loaded nearly a whole can of 'maximum-ultra-extra-holding-spray' to ensure that the humidity would not turn my updo into a mop. I did my make up and Majjie's and went to meet up with Mo-ho at the Marriot down the street. Our friends and high school classmates Lola and Biodun were there so we were all just being chatty and sharing fashion info and all. How about Biodun called out my dress and announced that Lolade also had it. DAMN these naija babes to be shopaholics to know the who, what, where and when of baffs. Lol. I was like I hope she is not wearing it. The time now was like 1.30pm and they were not ready for the wedding. Mo-ho kept insisting that the wedidng would not start early so we decided to go grab a bite at IHOP. We got back to the hotel around 2.30pm so that they would get dress and didn't leave till like 3.45. Meanwhile the wedding should have started at 2pm. We got there only to cathc the tail end and seeing as I forgot to buy batteries Majjie and I had to run to the nearest hardware store to get some and come back just as the bridal party was walking out. DAMN!!! I missed the wedding ceremony!!! But there's no doubt it was a beautiful ceremony just like the couple. Meanwhile we were just sighting all thse ISL old heads (head boy and head girl..no pun intended) that I had not seen in like 11 years and counting. Seeing them brought back a flood of memories and trying to remember names and place them in graduating classes. It seemed like a reunion and not a wedding. In fact I had to check that invitation again to make sure I hadn't crashed ISL 95 12th year reunion. Let me not even start with the baffs...in fact I need a new paragraph for that
The above letters stand for 'What Would ATL Girls Do'. This ought to be the new motto for every nigerian chick that wants to leave her house to go to a public paparazzi filled event. As I was gearing up for this shindig, I had to keep in mind that many of the people in attendance would be form ATL. I dey fear these babes so me I don't even try but rather I aspire. I remember when my friend first moved to ATL. I had heard the Legend of Naija ATL babes and I had to arm her well with a phrase that I coined...'ATL Girls Don't Joke'. I had to employ that phrase for this wedding oh. And low-and-behold my ATL girls didn't joke at all. From the mostly BCBG (with the help of a BCBG insider spotted out like 6 plus mine) to Nicole Miller, whether original or knock-off, them chicks were looking fly in all the colors of the rainbow. I forgot that I needed to scope out blokes but instead I was scoping out chicks and their baffs. As in ya'll need to look out for a sister by placing the size 2's on hold and emailing me to holler at the cashier to fed-ex the baffs. There was even this one hot orange number that I must find (sorry I.O). Anyways 'SPOOTS' of all brands, colors and styles were repping hard. Nigerian babes in general don't disappoint so for the rest of you Africans, your new motto from now on shoudl be 'What Would Naija Babes Do'. With all the Ovation knock offs we have these days and papparazi wannabe's like myself, you don't wanna be caught 'undeeeressed'.
Where do I even begin, from Ralph Tresvant, Bobby Brown hits to some unnameable reggae and hip-hop jams. Boogie down hits from the 80's and 90's, folks doing the running man and splitting anyhow. It was like a library party from my JSS 1 days all over again. The DJ killed it abeg. He would go from one to another and you would here every one go 'AHHHH' or try to sing-along. Some Iya's and Baba's you could tell looked puzzled over what the cacophony was about and only got up whne the DJ slipped in a number of Sunny Ade Owambe tunes. When I saw where the whole thing was going not to mention the fact that my undiagnosed tendonitis or is it arthritis of the knee began to kick-in, I decided it was time for the 'Chi-chi' (as in coach) my shoes to come off. At this point I had resolved that there would be no toasters to be embarrased about because first of all, non of them caught my fancy, the once that were cute and caught my glimmer were either married, just married, about to be married or had a woman attached to their arm like a hand bang. Abeg I was not about to rack my head like I was solving mathematical equation over who was single or not. Biko shift make I see road. Secondly I must have scared them away with my 'free-spirit' tendency which some naija guys don't really appreciate. Not to mention the fact that I was bare-feet doing the running man and some Jimmy Buffet dance steps. Add my green eye shadow, orange lipstick and yellow dress on chocolate skin and my name shoulda would coulda been 'Rainbow Drops', 'Butterfly Sunshine' or 'Bumble Brown Sugar Bee'. Lol. By the way Ro and Deej I would need a copy of the wedding DVD to put in my repatoire of 'resume work' as my feet were amply featured in by the camera man. The guy was just putting his camera to the ground to capture my dancing naked feet and was also doing some MTV type camera effect as I was doing my 'oyinbo-ti-shayo' dance but without the liquor. Thank God I painted my toe nails. HOwever there was just a tiny bit of crustiness because my lotion didn't completely reach my feet properly. Lol. Thirdly I was getting a bit to comfortable dancing with Maj that they must have thought I was gay or something. Bullet was teasing me about that the whole night. But I did notice one good looking chap in the ATL crowd stealing a glance or two from the other side of the dance circle..uh hmh.. don't think I didn't notice your 'Adewale' looking brown-and-white checkered silk tie. On a normal Addy day I would have stepped to him myself but I wasn't up to get beat down abeg. So unfortunately anf fortunately I didn't come back with ANY, not even ONE phone number, or wrong number even for that matter (I'm not even sure I was really looking or expecting, I just went to feast my eyes ojare). Some peeps returned with a truck load of digits..HABA!!! Share the blessing abeg. Meanwhile, someone's Aunty stole the thunder from the bouquet catcher when she announced to the whole room that her neice Ms. Y.B was single and was like 'Y where are you O... make sure you position yourself properly'...Lol. Straight up called out... but at least that is one confirmed prayer warrior in her camp. The party was over at 11.30 which to me was just the beginning of the night becaus eit was just 8.30 pacific and my body was still doing 'gbin-gbin' for more music. At this point I was like ooohhhh God why we no dey Naija where we party till the Cows Wake Up. We crashed in a friends room later that night as we had checked out of the hotel already with the intention of returning to our different homes that night, but for the little delay and over enjoyment due to 'mingling, dancing and taking pictures'.
MORNING AFTER PILL
I drove back to Atlantic City the next morning to get in some quality time with my cousins. My aunt had already sparked for me a little saying that I really didn't come to see them. I felt bad, but that wa snot the case, I was just trying to share myself and my time. So that Sunday I really played with them, soccer, jump rope, hide and seek, makeovers, modeling and then photoshoot. Lol. They usually go to bed at 9pm but they went to sleep at midnight and din't wake up till 11 am the next day. Which was the day I would return to Cali. Urgh.... my depression officially set in once again. So here I am.
Anyways here are some pictures that I took. I have not mastered my camera so my pictures are not all that, plus one girl was like 'Hmh.. paparazzi girl has landed o' and that was kinda jarring and made me hesitant because it basically meant that some people would already have that 'chilling effect' that their picture would be posted online when I take picture of them.(Speaking of which I felt I was getting some looks from some couple whose wedding webbies made the blog...like let me at that biatch..lol...e pele o... e ma da mi loun... I only aim to appreciate) You know what, that and some of the amateur photogs in attendance have doubly inspired me to be even more serious and go and get a real 'papparazzi' camera, with flash and zoom and all the works not this kwe-kwe purse cam. So Mississu... I am not sure what your point was by that statement but you've unleashed the dragon.. so thanks.
Meanwhile all the best to the newly weds, I wish ya'll could have another wedding but I'll wait till the TWINS and TRIPLETS land. A world with more mini-Deej's and mini-Roty's means a number of hot parties. Just like the wedding, your marriage will be successful in Jesus name and we shall return to celebrate Silver and Golden Jubilee with you by the graceful mercy of God. Cheers.
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=e4ui69a.apoohtum&x=1&y=gn2eef Addy's Pix
http://may83.com/rotolawedsdeji/ Lola's Pix
http://www.zuitomedia.com/photos/Ogunye/ courtesy Temi Kujore (for those wondering the music is by another Ex-ISLite Hannah Banjoko who is getting married to another Ex-Islite, my friend 'Sasha' next year...this song is dedicated to 'HIM'....love odikwa sweet oh)
Sunday, July 16, 2006
From BCBG's stock going up to a blast from the past jam 'parry' session to seeing old faces from ISL days, this weekend was just too BAM!! I dunno about ya'll who were in attendance but there is definitely no doubt in my mind that Rotola and Deji's wedding has been the most fun I have had at any wedding in a while. I am sure ya'll saw me tearing up that dance floor with my white-girl-two-left-bare-feet moves. Stay tuned for the real indepth 4-1-1 gist and papparazzi photos. Meanwhile if anybody has uploaded their pictures online and would like to share feel free to post the link in the comments section or send me the link with posting approval. I know no one is patient enough to wait for the 'authorized' photos so abeg ya'll be kind and share the kodak-moments. Will be back in Santa 'Mama' on Monday night.
psst....here's another webbie
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Yes O...in case you missed seeing the website in 'C.O.W.W.S.1', ISL's very own 'bubbler jingo' aka Mr. Fine-Boy-No-Pimple known to many as Deji Ogunye has found his candy girl, Rotola. This great news has also meet the demise of the historic 'Senior Deji Groupie League', which spans beyond 6 generations of green-pinafore-corridor-patrolling-junior-girls of ISL. Ya'll know yourselves, as if you didn't say 'IS A LIE!!' when you saw the website link. In fact if I gather correctly there were some near heart attacks. This was the same situation when his main partner in crime 'S.E' too shocked our socks off by going and getting hitched. I had to pull out my kleenex for that one. Indeed it is certainly the end of an ERA. Unfortunately for many the wedding is not in Lagos on some December afternoon as some were wishing, so there are some post-wedding gist anticipators. But not to worry you are in luck because 'madam' has been properly 'credentialed' with the proper particulars called 'IV'. I shall be landing New Jersey Thursday morning to go and grace this honorable gathering that will be too much fun. I'll also be seeing my Aunt who at the last time I saw her had just gone through chemotheraphy and the motions of surviving breast cancer.
Back to the wedding need I mention enough scoping too. Fine people tend to attract finer people so I imagine there will be enough fine guests. Even though Addy does not do nail polish, I've put in the extra effort to paint my toe nails ahead of time, and red too for that matter. That reminds me, I better pack 'Trisha' my wig just incase the weather does not agree with my Afro-nachy hair. Odikwa a very serious matter. And how about I had to go and get a dress at the last minute because someone else decided to wear the dress I'd planned to order and post the pictures online. Why do I always find myself in these kinds of 'ELLA part one' type last minute situations. But for real my azz was procrastinating and waiting for the dress to go on sale. Guess I slept on that. Anyways I'm sure that was a sign from God telling me 'that dress is the devourer'. Plus I would have been really livid if after paying that much and then saw someone else in the same dress. Arrggghhhh!! Too hurtful to picture. Is it just me or is there some unspoken women 'code' about that. I now know how one of my best friends Matilda must have felt when I showed up at Valedictory service in the same outfit as she. Lol. I mean every one said we looked like sisters, so my thought process was why not go out making a statement. Funny thing is we went to Collectibles the same day when she bought hers, how about I refused to buy my outfit that day so that I could come back and get the smaller size. And I lied the entire time that I was wearing Iro-and-Buba. Lol. I am still not sure who looked better (we're both hot chicks) but I can say I definitely didn't have enough hips for those 'hipsters'. I won't even talk about the time in SS1 when another friend showed up in the same white palledium sandals. Oh but I was quick to roll my eyes and dismissively point out that mine was patent and hers was ordinary leather. Thinking about it now, that was rather crass of me. But those were the good old days of small children runs when we were feeling like 'Hot Paulinas'. Anyways I think I'm covered, if not I go branch into one store in Atlantic City and do some arrangee moves.
Then like as if I was being tested today, how about I deleted my itinerary by mistake. I then called the airliners that I was traveling with and they were talking about 'your name is not on the list ma'am'....come again? 'Ma'am we don't have your name on the list.' Idiot I heard you the first time. I spent the first half of my lunch break spelling my name over and over again and reading out the transaction numbers from my online atm transaction print out. The most annoying part of it was that the person on the other line was 'Preekesh Gupta' all the way in New Delhi. An outsourced call. I am sorry I know me sef my english no get as e dey, but have you ever tried to explain something to a 'Preekesh Gupta', 'Anand Kapoor' or 'Sanjeed Patel' and they can really employ that sarcasm and non-challance like an Oscar is in contention. And who did they then call to come and solve the problem...a Kenyan sounding Jabel from Zambia. At this point me too I turned up my Nigerian accent because being all frustratedand divaish which I can be with telephone operators and customer service was not going to solve the problem as it remained a fact that they could not find my name. I spent my entire lunch hour with these people and they could not help me. Why did Jabel want to try to start hitting on me, asking me all sorts of questions and flirting and cracking some not to funny jokes. I could not even get upset. This is how badly aloof I was. I didn't even know the airport I was landing at. I was already thinking very far; Missed flight ticket cost=$400, Car rental=$200, Dress, shoe and bag=$**, MISSING DEJI AND ROTOLA'S WEDDING after all the built up anticipation...ahhhh...not just PRICELESS O...VERY PAINFUL.... YOU MUST FIND MY NAME ON THAT LIST OH!!! LOL. Eventually someone at some other number I called helped me out and gave me all the information. So tomorrow I shall be driving to catch my flight in LA. Meanwhile thanks for all the love on the anniversary post, but ya'll can calm down, lol, you are acting as if i just got a chieftency title of something. By the way THERE'S ANOTHER NIGERIAN IN SANTA MARIA!!! IGBO CHICK AND SHE WORKS BEHIND MY JOB!!! HA HA HA!!! She is about to be my 'ACE VENTURA'. That and how we met is a subject of another blog.
Anyways back to the special topic, Deji you've got a number of fans and folks for whom your charisma is inspirational (as I'm sure you know). So on behalf of the ENTIRE CLASS OF 97, here's to wishing you the best of God's blessings as you and Rotola open this new chapter and start a new life together. CHEEERRRSSS !!!! See ya'll soon.
While we are beating this wedding thing like a dead horse, here are some new websites that were sent to me in the comments page courtesy Mona. I have not had a chance to see some of them so tell me about them when you check 'em out. I didn't say you should go and crash their website o or their weddings for that maer (no pun intended). I'm sure you've noticed that some people have started locking their websites. Hmh...and to that I say Odikwa so very not that serious abeg. LOL
Sunday, July 09, 2006
YIPPIEE!!!! I have survived in the blogspot blogosphere for one year and so far it has been a fun and thrilling journey. At first I started out trying to be all serious and using this as another medium to display my professional journalistic prowess. Trying to bring my work home with me and keep my personal life out of the mix. Who was I trying to impress. Abeg, Abeg that plan did not fly. Why try to outfox Fox. Just because I love the news so much doesn't mean I need to bore people with it. So it goes without saying that I have grown as a blogger. I have found my niche in this blog thing and that is to be myself, which for the most part is funny, unassuming and 'censored' (when it comes to certain matters). I have presented myself and parts of my life to a willing and welcoming audience that has been non judgmental and that has made me more comfortable about blogging. Thanks for that and I hope I have not spoken too soon. The first part of this blog turned out to be about me venting out a lot of my frustrations but the past six months it has really been an outlet for me to access the 'outside world'. Considering that I am now on th west coast and the time difference being a huge barrier, this has been how I update my friends and family in Nigeria on what's going on with me. This has also been gossip central for me, as has the rest of the blog world. I have been 'coding' some gist on here and I am surprised that I am yet to be called out by the parties involved and the parties in the know(neither has my family disowned me for exposing all our secrets). Lord knows I have been expecting to be 'kobaed' and have been preparing my defense strategy but I guess I don't have to employ i t just yet. Hmh...but sha sha let me just go ahead and say thanks for not casting my black butt.
My writing 'on my feet' or should I say 'butt' has improved and my thoughts are written out better these days. However I am not sure if I should take some of the comments seriously because I am not sure if I am that good of a writer to be getting the sorts of extolling emails. But if you guys say so, perhaps I will chennel the energy I use in blogging towards some money making scheme. That is make ya'll go to Amazon and Borders to buy my book. Speaking of which, how about I have already pick out the cover without completing the 3rd chapter. Skewed priorities. Anyways thanks for the love, glad I can entertain you with my boring but some what comical life. Make sure you are senidng this link to everybody you know because when I look for the next job, whatever that may be, I will be using the 'hits-tracker' to gather more zeros citing 'internet clout' and 'online celebrity'. Hmh ...have you people forgotten that I am a proper Igbo girl. Oh well here's to more enjoyable blogging days and topics. It's been real so far. I am off to continue watching Dave Chapelle The Lost Episodes. While I apologise for this moment of self-absorbtion and serendipity, I present to you below a collection of interesting posts that I enjoyed writing, that meant a lot to me or gathered a lot of comments. This is a precurser to the 'Best of According to Adaure List' and a guide for the new readers just joining us in the last quarter . I doubt ya'll have read through every blog. If you have 'You are Hard o'. If your 'Best of According to Adaure' is missing please include it in the comment section. See me really feeling like a star. Oh well the title of the blog is the World According to Adaure isn't it? And in that world there's only one star ya'll and you guessed it...MOI!!!! Lol. I planned to debut the 2nd year with a new template and all that ish but biko that is too much work so for now just manage the old look and new picture till I gather my wits to update.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Today marks the one year anniversary of my weblogazine, my 9th year in the United States and the one year anniversary of the London Bombings that killed 52 people
(http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/shared/spl/hi/uk/05/london_blasts/victims/default.stm) including 26 year old Anthony Fatayi-Williams who was a friend to many. His loss was tragic home hit for many of us Nigerians in the diaspora and of course at home. Though I didn't know him personally he was a friend some of my friends and acquintances.
His mother Mrs Fatayi-Williams is remembering her only son with this book For the Love of Anthony
You can read the first post 'The Nigerian Face in the War on Terrorism' here (http://according2adaure.blogspot.com/2005/07/nigerian-face-in-war-on-terrorism.html).
Today we pause to remember Anthony, the other victims and those innocent people who have died and continue to die in the hands of callous people who use religion and other tools of politics as a guise. Let's also pray that God would find a solution to this problem in our life time so that the world can become a safer place for us and our children.
This comment section will be silent today in their honor. I'll be back tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Kontri People make una see me see wahala. Shey you people are seeing how people look for trouble any how. So North Korea decided to test missiles yesterday. Why did they choose to do it on America's Independence day and after the Shuttle launch. What is the meaning of that? That is like the girl who stole my boyfriend coming to my face and waving the diamond ring in my face and expecting me not to bite off her finger. The other thing is that they didn't just launch one or two, but SEVEN. A whole seven missiles. That is a pure declaration of outright aggression if not war. And the funny thing, which is not very funny if you think about it is the fact that I live 15-20 minutes away from their number one target. Vandenberg Airforce base is where the interceptor missile is based, so whenever North Korea is ready, that's the place they will take out first. Hopefully they will not launch some Hiroshima, Nagasaki or Kawasaki type bomb that will clean from here to LA. If that is the case ya'll, I am a goner o. Tell my people to go and cash the money in my account at Bank of America and use it to give offering at church.
But I wonder why they are looking for trouble like this? Has Osama sent them? When America lands with their 'Shock and Awe' arsenal now, people will start crying 'oh america is this, america is that...blah blah blah'. As the dancers in the Things Fall Apart movie were singing 'Onye apala nwa agu aka n'odu, m'odi ndu, m'onwuru anwu' meaning, "don't touch the tail or a lion whether it is dead or alive'. Especially when that lion is George Bush, ya'll know he will not hesitate to anhialate North Korea. Left for the guy Aghanistan and Iraq would be off the map, but for politics. Anyways I just said let me just let ya'll know the ramafications of these missile launching for me. This might be an incentive to findmy square root sooner or later if these launches continue. Me I no like wahala, make I comot jejely and go back to my village abeg. At least there I know the only missiles that can be lauched from the sky are the heavy hot pellets (not drops o) of rain that feel like stones.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
HOMEWRECKER AND HEART BREAKER ALERT
So I wrote this post below 4 days ago but didn't post it because I needed to flesh it out. But I just saw something that really made it too relevant to continue fleshing out. Right about now I am just plain MAD, LIVID and to think that I got scooped by a fellow naija sista. Men you've gotta keep these women away from you man. And to think she's another skinny biatch too. Gawd I hate skinny women... they are EVIL!!!! EVVVVEEEEEIIIILLLLL!!!!
So today I was minding my business and I decide to check out the 'new chick on the blog' Miss Bella Naija. How about I saw some model chick hugging up all over my man, John Legend. Then reading further, I see that they are dating and ya'll said he was GAY? ARRGGGHHH!!! Take a knife and just chop, chop, chop my heart up into tiny peices and feed it to the alligators. Why can't these women leave my men alone. And why can't I keep a man, not even in my fantasy, that's gotta be a problem. Once bitten, Twice shy, but three times...that's it.. I am gay from now on. By the way Bella good looking out sistuh gurl. He thought because he was on the other side of town doing the dirt he do, that i don't have to know huh. OMG!!! I am so having a fit right now. I don't think I can listen to his cd anymore. Not after the betrayal....awwwww the heart ache....Why Me!!!! I am a scorned woman now that I've been jilted by John Legend. Awww just take a look at them... they're so cute they make me sick.
Urgh I am going barf out all the gummi bears I have been eating now. Thanks a lot Tayo.... Thanks for NOOOTHING!!!! Awwww my days....I can't take it any more. I CANT'T TAKE IT !!!!!!!!!!! I am going to cry my eyes out till blood starts coming out. By the way Johny you'll be back singing track #6 "You can't say I don't love you just becos I cheated on you." By then you'ld have lost your chance to Shemar Moore. Ya'll enjoy this picture while it is up because I will not promote this asunder. URGH... I just wanna pull her hair!
BACK TO THE REAL TOPIC
With the recent wave of strictly by invitation weddings, the lifestyle of a certain category of people has been suffering. We all know them, the wedidng crashers. We all know ourselves, we've been that person at one point or the other. In fact it is a normal practice that comes with the territory of just being Nigerian. We love to party and how can you prevent us from doing that just in the name of privacy or 'preeveecee' as our colomasters and victorian nigerians (what an oxymoron) call it. By the way what would the throngs of beautiful and some times vain single Nigerian ladies do for fun on a Saturday. Sometimes these things are just an outlet for us to exercise our vices. We also know weddings are the best places to be seen and 'scoped out'. Why else do you think there are more ladies at weddings. They were not all asked to be in the Ashoebi group you know. Some just join in because they are a friend of a friend of a friend of the bride or because the lace or ankara is fine and they have to rock along.
Then there are the ones who happen upon the wedding and just decide to branch in as they would to a relatives house. Then there are the ones who just go to witness the occasion so that they can relay the information in form of gisting.
But the term wedding crasher can also mean something very different. There are some guests that can be a major headache for the couple. These guests are the ones that cause the bride to just start weeping because they are about to crash this lifelong awaited event with their nasty attitudes and bad belle.
For example the unfriendly looking mother/aunty-in-law-to-be who's sitting in the front pew rolling her eyes at the bride-to-be. We all know that she is pissed off because her only son/nephew decided to marry a girl from another tribe. Not to mention that the girl likes the finers things so automatically she has come to chop all his money before they get to enjoy the fruit of their labour. God save this bride if she doesn't kneel to feed her husband the cake. You may just have armed the battalion of mean aunties with battle ammo for the entire duration of the marriage.
Then you have the father-in-law-to-be who is gnashing his teeth, wishing for a double barrel and saying to himself, 'But for Jesus....' Poor groom got on dad's bad side for impregnating his little girl. Now she is waddling down the aisle in an Ivory colored dress instead of white. Not to mention the aunty that you have relieved off all aunty duties because of her cacophonic behaviour but didn't tell her. And you are surprised that she beat up the cook over a bowl of peppersoup. I will not reveal which situation happened in my family but ya'll know your family ain't full of saints.
However one particular set of wedding crashers brings in more misery, panic and the chilling effect of the northern harmattan wind as the Jilted or Jealous Ex-Lover. This what I call the JXL or the JEL factor also know as the 'EX-Factor Reloaded'. This character is worse when it is a scorned angry woman(see Addy vs Tayo Otiti above). Sometimes the jilted or the Ex is not always jealous and have come to terms with the divine destiny that they are about to witness. But the jealous one is another story and I have been hearing some stories. Well let me give you the gist.
So one Amaka babe like that was dating one Chinedu bloke like that. Things were not going so they broke up. Amaka was either still licking her wound or just recovering from the relationship and adjusting to her new life of singledom. When her friend tells her that her ex boyfriend Chinedu who she dated for some odd years was getting married only 6 months after they broke up. Hmh...knowing and calculating all the investments that she made, need I say more about how Amaka feels.
Then there was one Emeka bloke like that who is loving one Nkechi babe like that. This bloke is quoting Shakespeare, wining and dining this babe. He has even name all the 5 children that she will have for him. Babe tells bloke she is going to do NYSC in Lagos and is gone for a few weeks with no word. Next thing a letter comes in the mail with an invitation to his best friends wedding and a letter from Nkechi inside that begins, "Dear Emmy, I am sorry but...doxology". Hmh...I imagine Emeka was not popping bubblies for his 'friends'.
Depending on the demure of Amaka and Emeka and their proximity to the precious bleeding side of the Lamb, there is every probability that someone could be rushed to the hospital for some 'Veeky and Sunita' type reconstructive surgery after an acid bath or bundled away half naked in a black maria. My people na tori i dey 'intaprint'
Being the 'Amebo' that I am, as I learned from the local police chief, when I go to some weddings, I try to peek in the crowd and guess who could fall under this category. You may be able to tell by the look on their faces and their body language, especially when the priest utters that favorite sentence, 'Who here says we should not join these two together, speak now or forever hold your peace'. With all the sneezing and coughing that goes on like a choir on cue, one would think everyone just suddenly came down with the Flu. God forbid that all the fine fine babes start getting up at that moment to excuse themselves to the toilet...Ginika, Yeside, Halimat, Ekaite and Ejiro. Let's not even talk about the Iyabos and Ngozis, correct area skata type girls that get up and say, "Your lordship I have a confession to make," as if they are in court. "I have evidence to show why the groom and the bride should not be united in Holy matrimony..." At this point the story can either be, they did the hump the night before or that he abandonded his real wife to go to school in America only to return with another woman. My people na tori o.
Anyways I have just been seeing and enjoying all the wedding websites and as one of my colorful commentators in the comment section, 'Parazone Super Bleach' pointed out, I imagine there are quite a number of wedding-crashers-to-be out there. Girls that don't appreciate being the girl before te ring, brodas that are saying damn why didn't I just do it then. Don't worry sistahs and brodas, you are not alone, I can relate. Some of you are looking and browsing and saying, 'What the freaking hell, how could he/she' but you just carry on like a bigger chick/bloke, unphased like nothing is up. Who are you fooling. You know you really want to vent and rain a tirade of abuses. You know that even if you were probably going to say a big fat NO, you wanted the opportunity to say NO. It just sounds better that way when it comes time to re-telling the story. SOme of you are saying Urgh.. that cheeky basket got one over me this time. But that's cool though, that's life. Can't win 'em all. In fact good riddiance to bad rubbish, he/she was cramping my style anyways and they even fit each other.
However, the question of whether to crash or not continues to pang inside your head. If you don't show they will say you are still bitter and hating. If you show they might say you just came to do bad belle. Some say you have to go looking hotter than Halle Berry, Agbani, Bianca Ojukwu and Modupe Ozolua combined in one Deola Sagoe package and stare the groom down like "I know what you did last summer." (Guys I dunno what you can equate to that)Especially if you didn't get an invitation. Others say why the heck do you want to put yourself through such emotional trauma and what will that prove.
So that basically means that I may not be going to John and Tayo's wedding because I will straight up rip that veil out of her head and jump her. I can manage it if he left with a caucasian girl or an african american, but another Nigerian girl THAT I AM WAY WAY CUTER THAN!!! URGH Johny c'mon now. No hating just keeping it real.. ok... I HATE HER!!!!! I am going to go sleep now and wake up and see it's all a dream, a very bad bad dream. What do you think, I'ld be smiling and saying 'Cogratulations J and T'? Awwww heeeelllll naaaaaa!!!!! I already picked the names of our kids.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
They come in different flavours and colors and they melt in your mouth so divinely. I have a confession to make. I have been meaning to make this confession but I have been in denial. So today I am coming to terms with my addiction as the first step in curing myself.
My name is Adaure Achumba and I am addicted to Gummi Bears.
All day today I have not had anything to eat beacuse I have a bag of gummi bears right next to me. It is the last thing I eat before I sleep and the first thing I eat after brushing my teeth. I eat them all day at work and especially when I am stressed. Somedays when I am just too lazy to cook, which is two-thirds of the time, I shove a handful of gummi in my mouth and wash it down with a glass of water to balance the sugar level. Oh the sensation. It is better than you know what. When I dont have my gummi bears near by I begin to itch. I hadn't had them in a while since and so two weeks ago my actions in trying to get them proved that I needed help. I went to Walmart twice and they didn't have them and I was so upset. I ended up getting the store brand, the one you scoop from the little plastic containers. That's the worst kind, they taste so bad and they hurt my gums. So I managed that for two days. Unfortunately I had the last handful at like 9pm that night. How about I actually got dressed, got in my car and drove to Walmart to get a bag of gummis. I couldn't even wait to get to the cashier line before I opened it and started chewing. I thought to myself. Gosh Addy you really need therapy man. Then it happened again this week after I ran out of gummis. The cravings started coming and on my lunch break on Tuesday I went and got two bags and I tell you it is like crack. I just can't stop eating those things. I am chewing on them right now.
I know I am not the only one who is addicted. My friend Singto is also an addict, in fact she is the one who recruited me into the fold. Are you addicted to gummis and how can I stop because that stuff must be bad for you. I hope it wouldn't have to take me seeing gummi bears swimming in the toilet for me to know I need to quit. Hmh...thinking about it now I hope I don't see that because that will be really tear jerking. Imagine... just imagine
The Bowel Adventures of the Gummi Bears featuring Super Addy... an excerpt.
They had just been through an odious journey through the great stinky canal, but the misery was not over for the gummi bears .
Plop. You could see them, green, yellow, red and orange, swimming in the great white pool.
The big mean hand was reaching to pull the lever.
"Help!! Help!!" the poor sweet things cried in their little tiny voices.
"Please don't flsuh oh big mean hand."
But the big mean hand was just too darn mean.
"Flllllluuuuuuuusssshhhhhhh.... say goodbye gummi bears.. HA HA HA !!" The big mean voice of the big mean hand laughed loudly as the gummis cried for help.
Then suddenly...tan tantannnnnnaaaa naaaaaa. They look up in the air. No it's a bird...no it's a plane....no..no.. no... It's Super Addy.
Super Addy is coming to the rescue of the litt;e tiny gummi bears.
"I love Gummi bears and I have come to save them from the big mean hand," said Super Addy as she struck a pose in her Super Cape.
"Get away from the gummi bear you big mean hand."
"No never.. you will have to arm wrestle me before that can happen," said the big mean hand.
"Ok!?! so then what happens to the gumi bears, you did flush after you went right?"
"Yes I did but I have the power to pause the flushing. Some thing your fake superhero skinny butt knows nothing about. WOOO HAAAA." The big scary hand seemed to know a little bit of kung fu too.
"Ok then big mean hand, you are on, but I must warn you, do not under estimate the power of SUUUUPPPPERRR ADDY."
And so they began to arm wrestle.
Meanwhile the Gummis were still going round and round in circles. Arrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh!! You could hear them screaming. 'Help us Addy Save Us'
"I coming Gummi Bears, I am coming... just one more push and I'll teach this big mean hand a lesson." But the big mean hand was pretty strong.
"Wait A minute," said Super Addy. "I am a super hero, and I don't have to take orders from any body. I'm Super Adddyyyy"
Super Addy gave the big mean hand an upper cut, a hadoken, a flash kick and then a sonic boom... WHOOOO HHAAAAAAA. She learnt quite a bit from Ken and Ryu.
"You should have spent more time playing Street Fighters, big mean hand." Super Addy dusted her shoulders off and went to get the gummi bears out of the great white pool.
"Oh poor gummi bears are you ok?"
"Oh Thank you Super Addy. Thank you for saving us."
"Oh you are welcome, now I can wash you up, say a prayer and HAVE YOU FOR DINNER.. HA HA HA !!!"
"Oh no Super Addy is addicted to gummi bears too.. Arrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!"